The Bitter End
by PrettyLittleMasochist
Summary: Choking on grief she's carried for years, fifteen year old Kaoru Kenta was never happier than when her strict parents allowed her to attend public school, only now she finds herself at the mercy of the government and the hands of peers she's come to know and even love, taking the cake is her new found feelings for a complete psychopath. KiriyamaXOC
1. Class trip

_**The Class Trip**_

_**Republic of Greater East Asia**_

My small hands move to my stomach as I lean forward to press my forehead to the back of the bus seat in front of me. My name is Kaoru Kenta (Girl #18). I just turned fifteen years old and right now I'm caught up in trying to remember the last time I sat in a moving vehicle and didn't get sick. My dark eyes are squeezed shut, and no matter how hard I try, I can't block out the sound of the three girls sitting a few seats back, Kaori Minami (Girl#20), Haruka Tanizawa (Girl#12), and Yukiko Kitano (Girl#6), singing incessantly. I don't think I've ever heard the song they are belting out before in my life. This could be due to my being rather sheltered. "Nai...Nai...Nai" They sing in squeaky tones. At least that's all I can make out from what I hear. "Nai...Nai...Nai"

A slender finger prods my cheek and I open one doe brown eye, glancing over at a smiling Noriko Nakagawa (Girl#15). "Are you alright, Ruey?" she asks in her sweet voice. '_Ruey'_ is a nickname Noriko gave me the day we met. When she asked my name, I said the first part so quietly, she only heard 'Ru' and over time began to affectionately refer to me as 'Ruey'. Noriko is a sweet girl; She's never had a diskindess to show a single soul, never a cruel word to say or nasty look to give. In the year since I met her, she has remained capable, unwavering, gentle Noriko who wouldn't so much as hurt a fly.

I haven't a clue as to why Fumiyo Fujiyoshi, Mayumi Tendo (Girl#14) and Yoshimi Yahagi (Girl#21) are so cruel to her. Noriko was the first person to say hello to me when I walked into class B for the first time, everyone else disregarded me. I guess everyone has their own problems.

"She gets motion sick." Shinji Mimura (Boy#19), my ex-boyfriend states as he leans over the bus seat, lowing his hand to my eye level. I glance over, in his palm rests a Dramamine capsule.

"Thank you, Mimura." I nearly gag as I gather the medicine up with my delicate fingers.

"Don't mention it, Kaoru." his voice is the same as always, subtle, and smooth with that small twist of excitement that never gets old hidden inside of it.

Upon hearing my first name I crane my head back to look at him, his dark eyes focused on mine "We are on a first name basis, are we not?" He places his elbow on the back of the seat and lets his chin rest in his palm. Almond shaped brown eyes stare into my soul. Shinji is beautiful, his skin is a bit tanner than my own and his black as night hair spikes up in the most perfect way. He's lean, and tall, lanky arms and legs, like most of our school's basketball team.

"I sup-"

"If we stop pretending we don't know each other, we can go back to normal." His words are kind as his kind eyes. _As if. _Is all I can think. _Remember the day I broke your heart for no real reason? No? I certainly do._

"You are…. probably right." I say slowly as Noriko passes me a water bottle, I give her a look of gratification.

"I usually am." He states with a fake smugness that isn't really him, it doesn't suit him.

I swallow the pill, choking quietly on the warm water "Mimura-"

"Shinji." He flicks my cheek causing me to cringe as he falls back into his seat. I can hear Yutaka Seto (Boy#12) cackling at something he must have found amusing. Seto is Shinji's best friend. I don't think he cared much for me when Shinji and I dated, even if he did, he really doesn't like me now. When we were dating, Shinji wanted to give me more time then he wanted to give Seto, and now stands the fact that I broke Shinji's heart when I left him. If some guy ever did such a thing to Noriko...I wouldn't be able to stand for it. In other words, if Seto hates me, I believe his reasoning to be most justified.

"You never did tell me why you two split up." Noriko's quiet voice finds my ears as she begins to play with the ribbon that clings to the right side of my head.

I bite my lower lip, sucking the lip-gloss away "Did you ever give the cookies you made to Nanahara?" my voice comes out soft, and I cast a questioning glance her way.

At the mention of Shuya Nanahara (Boy#15), Noriko's soft coal black eyes go wide "Oh gosh, you're right." I watch her slowly stand, smoothing the wrinkles from her uniform skirt with delicate fingers, straightening her hair up with a nervous expression on her delicate face.

I slowly reach out and touch her hand, she gives me a confused look "You are so beautiful, Noriko" my lips form a small smile "Go get him." I reassure her. She smiles, her lips pull back to frame two rows of perfectly white teeth. I smile back and she staggers forward one seat, sitting down across from her crush.

I have so much respect for Noriko and her kind nature. She is like a sister to me, not quite the one I lost. No one will ever be Noa. Still, a sister none the less.

As Noriko gets settled across from Nanahara, his best friend, Yoshitoki Kuninobu, better known by the general public as Nobu, ( Boy# 7) wakes up from what must have been a three and a half hour nap. He blinks into consciousness and leans against Nanahara's shoulder.

"Noriko, hey! I just wanted you to know how thankful I am that you invited me to come." He says with a nervous smile.

Moronic sweetheart, those are the words I would use to describe Nobu. He always has a goofy smile plastered onto his lips and a certain gleam in his light brown eyes. Sometime earlier in the year, he decided to leave school, which made Noriko sad solely because she believes everyone should feel they have a reason to learn. Acting on that belief, Noriko wrote Nobu a letter, asking that he joined the class for the trip.

Nobu was always an interesting guy, he was sweet, never mean, a little too much to handle at times because he was always so loud, but still a really nice guy.

If my memory serves me right, I believe he grew up with Nanahara. The two always seem to be together. In that right, I feel awful sorry for poor Nobu, it's obvious to most people that he likes Noriko, but I know Noriko and she's got a pretty big crush on Shuya.

As for my relationship with them, I don't really know either of them all that well. I met Nanahara through Shinji and Nobu through Nanahara. I guess we're friends.

Shuya likes old rock music and has a nice but rare smile. He gets quiet sometimes but he's respectful. The most important part of him, for me is the way he treats Noriko. He keeps a smile on her face and she keeps trying to tell him about her feelings.

I have faith in the fact that he will eventually come around. I just wish I knew what to say for Nobu.

The bus jumps a bit, rolling over rough roads and potholes. The drive seems never ending and after awhile, everything just slows down. My dark eyes focus on the road as it rushes past, gravel….I'm looking at….where did the street go? I can hear our teacher talking with some of the girls in the back. What are they talking about? A lesson? No...this is something else. I cast my glance toward the isle, never lifting my head from it's position against the window. I can see Noriko smiling ear to ear while Nobu comments on her cooking, and suddenly, I'm not seeing anything, I'm not hearing anything, my skin feels hot, and I find….some strange form of dreamless sleep.


	2. Ready set go

**Ready Set Go**

**Pre-dawn Day 1**

Everything is spinning, my head is pounding and I whimper softly as I try to make my brown eyes open. I could have sworn Shinji had given me some Dramamine for this motion sickness. My fingers flex against concrete and I realize, I'm no longer on the school bus.

Slowly, hesitantly, I blink my eyes, trying to force my vision to focus.

The room is dimly lit, I slowly come to another realization. The realization that I am sitting on the floor of a classroom and everyone else, everyone who was on the bus is here, and they are just as bewildered as me.

Whispers of "What's going on?" linger on the air as a soft hand finds my shoulder "Noriko?" I question, my voice a ghost of a whisper.

"No, are my hands really that small?." Shinji asks quietly as he looks me over.

"Where's-" my voice drags a bit, my body still very much asleep "Where's Noriko?"

"Your priorities were always just a little bit off."

"Noriko is my priority." I state flatly.

"Other side of the room, she's still unconscious, Kaoru." He murmurs. I start to pick myself up, only to have him catch my wrist.

"Shinji, let go." I mumble as my eyes finally open and my vision is in full focus. Nothing is blurry and I find myself very afraid. The fear must be evident on my face because my ex-boyfriend pulls me down beside him and wraps a strong arm around my shoulders.

I look to my side and see Seto sitting there quietly.

He and Shinji seem to be analyzing the situation. Noriko is still on the floor, her frail body crumbled up in a corner, near Nanahara's feet. Only when staring at Noriko, do I notice the collar around her neck that wasn't there before. A glance around the room reveals everyone is wearing one just like it.

I run my fingers over the metal surface of the collar braced around my own throat. What is this? Suddenly, everyone is quiet. The classroom door opens and I bite my lower lip. We weren't told about this and I don't think anyone thinks this kind of joke is funny. "Good evening, Class B." a round faced old man walks into the room; his hands are hidden in the pockets of his slacks.

Shinji's eyes widen a bit in response but I have no clue who this man is.

"Kitano, He was a teacher, until he was stabbed by a student…he left." Shinji whispered quietly, his smooth lips against the shell of my ear so that only I could hear.

Until I turned fifteen, I was home schooled. Home schooling is nearly unheard of in Japan but…my mother was insistent. Despite being advised against it by most everyone we knew. My sister's death made my mother fear the outside world. As far as the government was concerned, I was simply avoiding school. That wasn't the case, my tutors were good people, they taught me a lot.

Lucky for me, because after awhile those tutors were the only people I knew. After Noa died, the air inside our house grew tense and my mother no longer wanted me, half of a person, that's all I was after my twin was killed.

I decided on my own that I would go back to school, by the time I made my decision, my mother didn't care what I did. Apparently this man, Kitano, had already quit by the time I made it into Class B.

"It's been, quite awhile now, hasn't it?" he grumbles, certain calmness in his voice. His eyes never seem to meet any of ours. "I must say, I haven't missed you much, perhaps you have an idea of why you're here?"

"No, we don't so explain it!" Fumiyo Fujiyoshi (Girl#22) hisses, her thicker legs force her body to stand and her black hair falls in her wide face. "Explain it!" she demands one more time, a nasty look marring her face.

I do not know much about miss Fujiyoshi, I do not really care to. She runs with Mitsuko Souma (Girl#11)'s gang. She also makes it a point to make Noriko's day a living hell. Which means she tends to mess with me as well.

The instructor sighs as he staggers to his desk, leaning over he swipes up something I cannot really make out. A ruler, maybe? A pen? A flick of his wrist and a knife flew through the air, sheathing it's silvery blade dead smack in the middle of Fujiyoshi's forehead.

Her body crumbles and falls to the cement floor. Gasps of horror and disgust fill the already tense air. I find myself staring at the way crimson bubbles up around the blade and spills over her face, dying the whites of her open eyes with it's poisonous color. A few of us are quiet, others cry and hold on to their friends. Shinji's arm stays wrapped tightly around my shoulders. "Do not be afraid." I feel my ex's lips on my ear once more.

I simply continue to stare at the body lying in the middle of the floor. My mind flashes back to an earlier time, the first time I saw death. Fujiyoshi's body fades into that of Noa, my beloved twin sister. The knife vanishes and a bullet wound appears in its place, blood spilling over fair cheeks, eyes black as night wide open, mouth pressed into a hard line. Noa was shot and killed in front of me when I was just thirteen; we were walking home from the park.

Despite every gun control law in place, it happened. The hard truth is there are people out there who will go to every length just to hurt someone, even if they have to break laws to do it.

His name was Carmine, Michael. He was 32 years old and had lived in Japan for twelve years. His eyes were grey, and his hair was blond. His wife was Carime, Junko. She was full japanese. Richard and Yuki were his children, he lost them when their house burned down, and he would have killed my sister on October 15th no matter what happened. Murder is against the law, it doesn't matter if it's broken with a blade or a bullet. Carmine intended to end his own life that night and our Japanese gun control couldn't touch him.

The sound of a gun going off snaps me back into my right mind.

I find that I am cradling into Shinji. I hate the sound of gunshots and hot tears sting my doe brown eyes. "It's alright…calm down…" Shinji commands but I can't.

My entire body shakes, writhes and I bite my lower lip whimpering "Who got shot?" my voice is a pathetic rasp. Very slowly I peer over my shoulder, wide eyed, hollow pain filling my seemingly empty chest. Noriko….

She is awake now, wincing as she covers her bloodied arm with her delicate hand. I can see her trying to swallow the pain. Nobu is outraged. He steps in front of Noriko, looking more grown then I have ever seen him. "Nobu-" Noriko squeaks, fighting back tears. Her agony swims through her eyes, almost masked by her black bangs.

"Leave Noriko alone!" Nobu shouts in the face of the instructor. His response is a very blatant beating from a non-too-happy Lieutenant.

Kitano looks to our freighted faces once more "Have you any idea how troublesome you children are?" he asks as he begins to pace back and forth, his heavy set eyes now toward the tile ceiling. "How expensive? How greedy? How useless?"

"Yes…" my voice rasps but I am the only one speaking. All eyes on me.

"Is that so?" Kitano raises a dark brow in my direction "And who might you be? I do not recognize your face."

"Kenta….My name is Kenta, Kaoru, Instructor." I say softly, though tears still cling to my cheeks. "I suppose it is only natural that you would not recognize me, seeing as we have never met." A noise breaks my speech as I clear my throat and make eye contact with him "I was homeschooled until now, I have not been a part of Class B very long."

"I see that you're very well mannered, Ms. Kenta." He muses and for a moment I think he cracks a smile. "You understand then why children are such a nuisance?"

"I do, Sir." I say rather calmly, trying to keep the sobs from hampering my ability to talk

"Children are egocentric. They do not quite understand what it is to consider others and so they act as if the world revolves around them. What you have to understand is, some of them were never taught otherwise and therefore the parents are to blame for the ignorance of their child's actions."

"It's a pity I haven't had more time to talk with you, Ms. Kenta, I would have enjoyed our conversions." He then turns his back to us and thumbs through his desk for what appears to be a remote control. "With the exception of Ms. Kenta, we have two more players who do not exactly come from your class." He gestures to the very back of the room.

I was surprised I hadn't noticed them. They both sit on a separate desk top. One has black hair, he sits hunched over with a serious look on his serious face, a bandana adorns his head. "Shogo Kawada" (Boy#5) he explains and the boy wearing the bandana glances up ever so slightly.

The other, "Kazou, Kiriyama" (Boy#6) leans back, much like a sloth, one leg kicked up over the other and his hair is wild and orange. His face is relaxed, he seems unafraid and part of me…admires that.

"Our nation is falling apart. 15% unemployment, 10 million out of work. And students boycott the schools. Were adults supposed to let you children do whatever it is you like?, No. That is why, some big wig know it alls passed the Millennium Educational Reform Act….the BR Act..." he clicks a button and the screen comes on. A cute girl dressed in orange has a wide smile on her face and looks as if she's going to speak.

"This video will explain it to you in detail." Kitano says sitting on a desk, folding his hands together. A click of the button and that cute girl begins speaking. Her voice is rather excited "Hello Class B!" she cheers.

Kitano responds warmly, sarcastically "OK! Hello!"

"You are the lucky class chosen for this year's Battle Royale!" the training video goes on.

"Congratulations!" Kitano gestures to us, the terrified students. The girl on screen begins to poke at the collar around her neck, it looks just like ours. I hear her state that if we tamper with it the collar will explode. The thought puts a knot in my throat.

"THIS IS INSANE!" Nobu screams and we all turn our heads to look at him "Noriko needs a doctor."

"Shut up!" Kyoichi Motobuchi (Boy#20) mumbles waving an uncaring hand in Nobu's direction "I can't hear the video."

Behind their rant the video goes on "Each weapon is different. Not just guns or knives either! It is random so maybe you will get lucky, maybe not. It eliminates natural advantages. Oooh. This one is SUPER lucky."

Nobu lunges toward Kyoichi, the two of them fight it out, rolling across the floor and Kitano stands, picking up another remote. My eyes are again on Noriko. Only the sound of Nobu's collar beeping draws my attention away from her.

The fear fills poor Nobu's eyes, his fate is sealed and he knows it. He staggers, looking to faces of friends and strangers for help, looking to Shuya, to Noriko. Shinji covers my ears with his large hands, though he has no idea why, he knows I hate loud noises.

My eyes meet Nobu's, just once last time before they squeeze shut, the next time they blink open, Nobu is dead, his body on the floor, no semblance of his face left to identify the remains with.

"Now, when I call your number, get up, get out and good luck!" the trainer video chimes "Girl number One Yoshio Akamatsu….Boy number One Mizuho Inada…"

The two of them jump up upon being called; bewildered, freighted they accept the green backpacks being handed off to them. One by one, they left. Some cried, some ran for their life, a few turned back to say goodbye or hug their once upon a time best friend. I swallow the knot in my throat. "Girl number 18 Kaoru Kenta." My legs tremble a bit as I push myself off the floor, casting a glance back at shinji, I catch the green backpack and cling to it, walking out of the room.

The air outside is warm, humid almost, maybe that's just me being nervous. I glance around, everything is dark, trees silhouette into the distance and I bite my lower lip. The grass moves beneath my black shoes as I take cover behind the trunk of tree, hiding in the natural cover of the night. My hands dig frantically through the backpack as I search for my supposed weapon. Rough twine brushes my fingers and they coil around a rope about as long as me, a whole five feet.

"HEY!" the sound of a boy yelling causes me to glance over my shoulder.

Ryuhei Sacagawea (Boy#10) stalks my way "Get over here you little freak!" I struggle quickly to my feet, hauling my bag over my shoulder, clinging to my rope.

Strong arms wrap around my slender waist and my feet are hauled off the ground. My legs flail as I kick and scream "NO! NO! NO!"

"Hold still you little bitch!" He commands as the tree I was hiding behind grows smaller and smaller in the distance. "I know you're in on this, just like that other freak."

"But I'm not-"

"SHUT UP!" He barks.

I comply silently. The sound of waves crashing against rocks near a shore grows louder and I find myself being thrown into the shallow water, pain rips through my leg as rock cuts into my left knee. Salt water invades the open wound and tears prick my eyes.

Standing in front of me is the orange haired boy, Kiriyama Kazou. He is completely silent, his clothing and hair are soaked from the cold water. Surrounding us are Ryuhei , Mitsuru Numai (Boy#17), Hiroshi Kuronaga (Boy#9), Sho Tsukioka (Boy#14) , and Izumi Kanai (Girl#5. ), I recognize them as a gang

.

"We know you two are in on this." Ryuhei hisses one more time, jabbing at Kazou with the barrel of a gun.

"What weapon do you have, huh? Freak?"

"We-" my teeth begin to chatter "We don't know any-anything." It is apparent now that the air is not humid, that the heat earlier was in fact my nervousness. I move to stand only to have Mitsuru knock me back down, water splashes around my slender form.

"Can't you talk?" Ryuhei again, shoves Kazou.

I glance up to see Kazou spit what appears to be a piece of gum into the face of the other boy, a sickly smile creeping onto his lips. In that moment, Ryuhei flinched and lost his gun.

My hands fly up over my ears and I throw my head down, bringing my knees up to my chest.

Round after round, body after body fell into the water, red mixing with murky blue. Warm tears slip down my cheeks as I open my eyes, one at a time, still trembling to my core. They are all dead.

Kazou appears to be frisking their bodies for weapons. He looks me over and out reaches a hand. His fingers are long and I idly move to take his hand, only to have him withdraw it and shake his head. Suddenly I realize he wants my weapon.

My rope is lying in the sand on the beach, my backpack is soaking in the water beside me. So much for food and water. The lanky teen follows my gaze to the shore and he turns his back to me, striding toward my weapon. My skirt clings to my legs and my socks ride down as I pick myself up from the water, fixing the blue ribbons I wear on either side of my head.

"Thank you…" my voice rasps as I squeak out his last name respectfully "Kiriyama."

He glances back at me, cocking an eyebrow in question.

"Thank you for allowing me to-" before I can get the word out, he's in front of me, and my rope is being used to ensnare my body.

I shriek in terror and struggle to the best of my ability, shoving at his chest, kicking at his shins to the point of my falling over. Once again I'm in the water, this time on my stomach with his knee between my shoulder blades. I feel the water flooding my throat, bubbles cloud my vision and I begin to ask myself if I'm dying.

~Dead~

Boy #7

Girl#5

Boy#9

Boy#10

Boy#14

Boy#17

Girl #14


	3. Drowning

**Authors Note: **_I am so sorry I took so long to update this story. I have been very busy. I will be graduating soon and the planning has been killer on top of work. Thank you for your reviews, they are the reason I find time to update. I hope you enjoy this very late chapter._

**Drowning**

**Day 1 continued**

Sharp pain stings my burning lungs as he brings me up from the water. Faded streams of blurring light make up my vision and I think I've gone partially blind. The pounding in my head is incessant and I can feel my rope tightening around my torso, trapping my arms against my sides. A tug of the rope tells me to walk and my legs comply.

"Why?" I ask, my voice is meek. My clothes are soaked and they cling to my now freezing skin. Kazuo never answers, he simply keeps walking, in one hand he holds the gun, and I can't keep my eyes off of it, in the other, he holds the end of the rope. His long fingers coil around it and bid that I don't try to fight him off.

Another tug of the rope and he jerks me forward, I stumble, nearly falling and wince as pain courses through the open wound marring my left knee. Salt water seems to have cleaned it up for the most part but it continues to bleed.

Snapping his fingers, he tells me silently to sit, stop, lean against a tree? Part of me wishes he would just voice his commands. A firm hand pushes me against the trunk of a tree and a large knot forms in my throat. I swallow it down and stare him in the face.

His eyes are coal black, and they tell me to stay still, the order is loud and clear, though his lips do not move. My limbs lock up and he seems to notice. I watch with doe eyes as he lowers himself onto his knees in front of me. In one fluid motion, he loops the end of the rope around his right hand just one more time, ensuring a tight grip on me.

Those long fingers start at my hip, trailing over my thigh, oddly enough, his fingers aren't calloused. Perhaps he comes from a wealthy home? Like me. "Why?" I mutter quietly, almost unable to force the word past my trembling lips.

A chill caused my body to writhe, his fingers slip to the back of my knee and with those ominous eyes, he begins to scan the cut. My cheeks are warm, I don't physically understand why. Perhaps it has to do with the sheer intensity of his gaze.

Everything he does, he does with so much intensity it's almost insane. I feel his long, slender digits slip beneath my knee. My foot comes off the ground as he lifts my leg some and turns his eyes upward, part of me feels like he's reading the emotions that I know are reflecting in my eyes. I've always been easy to read.

Wait...No! My thoughts scream as he leans over and a sound resembling a chihuahua's yip escapes from the depths of my throat. Kazuo's tongue moves over the wound. The feeling raging through me is uncomfortable and he doesn't seem to care.

He draws back a bit, a rough tear and my skirt is shorter than it was moments ago. It now being the length I've seen Mitsuko cut her uniform skirts to in the past. Nimble fingers work the scrap of cloth that was my skirt into a bandage for my leg, but the knot is loose. He stands again, towering over me, he begins to reach for one of my ribbons.

"NO!" My voice is a squeak and he looks almost surprised. I continue nervously "N-no!... I-I'm sorry" now I am beginning to feel awkward, is it bad that I'm worried I hurt his feelings? "… You can do whatever you want to me, but you do not touch these, under any circumstance. O-okay?"

He simply moved his eyes over my face and plucks the ribbon from my hair regardless of my plea. Seeing the little blue bow in his hand makes my stomach knot up, and tears gather in the corners of my dark eyes. "I asked you nicely-" I squeak out through my broken voice.

Ignoring me, Kiriyama thumbs at the bow until it's just a ribbon again, back on his knees, the rope still looped around his hand; he fastens the ribbon around my knee to hold the scrap of my skirt in place.

In truth a feel a little better now that the ribbon is back in my ownership. "Th-thank you." I sob quietly and he stands back up. Another tug of the rope and I begin to follow once more. Part of me thinks' Kiriyama might be mute.

When Noa and I were kids, she would sometimes give me the silent treatment out of anger. Stubborn as I was, I never left her alone. I used to sit down right in front of her and make faces at her, or even sing badly just to see if she would crack a smile. Noa's smile was my most precious treasure. I wonder if Kiriyama ever had someone to make faces at him.

What seems like a short walk later, the forest around me disappears and we are approaching what looks to have once upon a time been a little village. Time has aged each house in a way that left a ghost like sadness hanging in the brisk air. "Kiriyama?" I question softly and as half expected, I receive no answer.

In a few strides of his long legs, the orange haired man leads me into the first house on our left. The flimsy door closes behind me with a soft click and I find myself looking around. There isn't much left here. In the middle of the living room/kitchen, there sits a wire frame twin bed, the mattress is naked as a jaybird and the frame is rusted.

In the back of the room stands the fridge, I doubt it works and near the fridge there is a sink. Water leaks from its faucet and I can't help but feel we've accomplished something.

Finally, there's the table. The table is round and the paint covering its surface is chipped. The battered piece of furniture sit's right in the middle of the back half of the room.

KIriyama pulls me closer, tugging at the rope, only to untie me once he felt he could grab me before I got the chance to run.

I didn't want to run anyhow, he hadn't hurt me. I wasn't afraid. A long finger points at the cabinet positioned above the leaky sink and I tip my head to the side in question of what he wants me to do. "Kiriyama…are you unable to speak?"

He raises his dark eyebrows and stares right into my eyes. Moments of nothing but silence pass. Well, that isn't a no. Slowly, I place my slender index fingers on either of my cheeks, push them into my natural dimples and stick my pink tongue out as I kick my leg up and bob back and forth in the cartoony manner I used to whenever Noa didn't want to talk to me.

Dark eyes assess my face with a look of 'What the hell are you doing?' swimming through them. Without a word, or even the crack of a small smile, he shoves my shoulder, causing me to cascade backwards onto the floor. I stay there feeling rather defeated while he searches through the cabinets for something, food, I assume. Okay…a silly face wasn't the way to go.

I pick myself up, pain shoots through my knee and I wince, Kiriyama sturdies me by grabbing a handful of my black hair which also served to make me wince just one more time.

"Th...Thanks." I say genuinely. I don't think he wanted to hurt me…he might have actually wanted to help me up.

Again he raises an eyebrow at me and turns back to whatever he's began concocting over the sink. I start to pace, just looking around to see if I missed anything useful. To my surprise, Kazuo doesn't look back at me constantly, it's as if he's almost sure I won't try to run. Something covered with a tarp catches my eye and I saunter over to it, staggering a bit due to the cut on my leg.

A 'swoosh' sound fills the air as I pull the tarp back. Hidden beneath it, is a stove. "Kiriyama!" I chime happily, swinging around on my left heel to look at him. His only response is a nod of approval. My eyebrows raise as he begins to slouch. "Kiriyama?" my tone makes is a question as his dark eyes start to roll back. "Are you….Kiriyama…are you hurt?"

His hands flex against the tabletop as he tries to sturdy himself. In that moment, it occurs to me that…Ryuhei's group of wannabe misfits had been keeping Kazuo company prior to my getting there. Did they hurt him? Breaking into a full sprint across the room, I make my way to him. The tough guy he seems to be, it doesn't surprise me much that he has yet to collapse. "Would you like for me to help you?" I ask as my gaze moves to his face, which must bother him because he's looking away now.

"Hey, if you're hurt you really should-" my voice resembles the squeak of a small mouse as for usual and I lose my breath and close my mouth the moment his obsidian eyes are on my face. "Sorry." I murmur.

Every look on his face is a look of 'Shut up and don't tell me what to do.' Still I know he needs help. "Kiriyama...let me." I place one delicate hand on his back and receive a hard slap to the face. Another loud squeak slipped from my lips as I hit the creaky wood floor.

I lay there, for a short moment before I bite my lip and pick myself up. "You getting an infection isn't going to teach me any kind of lesson." My voice is sweet as ever. The wild haired man thrusts his foot between my shoulder blades and I wince in pain.

I feel his foot shift and suddenly he's laying on top of me. He's heavy, and the impact fills my rib cage with a prickly feeling. His chest is heaving against my back and I struggle until I manage to shift to my side. My arm rests over his shoulder as I smash my other arm between the floor and my torso. "Kiriyama?" I question softly. His breathing is gentle, his eyes are closed and he looks peaceful. . "Limits, Kiriyama" I whisper "We all have them."


	4. Confusion

_**Confusion**_

_**Day Two**_

_**5:45 am**_

_It was a bullet. _Lodged in his back right below his left shoulder blade. His black uniform did a fine job of hiding the blood. If he hadn't collapsed I might never have noticed. I think he'll be okay now, I'm no medical genius but thanks to our hiding spot, we had no interruptions last night and I was able to keep a clear head and remove the bullet from his flesh.

I cleaned the wound and even managed to find some gauze to bandage him up with. Part of me still thinks that when he wakes up shirtless, he's going to be upset with me.

A small yawn escapes my lips as I stand up and stretch out. My bones pop and my back cracks and it feels amazing. My fingers graze the skirt piece wrapped around my knee and a small wince leaves my body without my permission. Blood has dried and now the cloth is clinging uncomfortably to my skin. I bite my lip knowing how much it's going to hurt to remove it. My dark eyes shift back toward Kazuo, who is still asleep on the floor. I'd been unable to lift him so I placed a pillow under his head and let him be. Not a single stir from the unconscious man.

My footsteps are quiet as I walk toward the small room that is the bathroom. Aside from being pretty run down and crawling with spiders, it's okay. The faucet screams as I turn twist the knob labeled H. Brown water cascades toward the rusted tub bottom and I take a seat on the ledge.

A few minutes pass and the water runs clear, I drop my hand downward and push the metal plug into place. In all honesty it seems senseless to be taking a bath right now, but I want one. My skin is cold and clammy and that cut on my knee is really starting to sting.

I shift to my feet and begin unbuttoning my blouse. My right foot slides back and a slight turn of my body puts Kazuo right in my face. A small gasp escapes my lips as our eyes meet and he stands very still, hand on the door frame as his eyebrow quirks up.

"You scared me…" my voice rasps.

His face says 'Clearly.' and my hands rush to keep my bra clad breasts covered. "I just…" as he begins shifting his pants down, my head whips to the side and my right hand flies up over my mouth. "K-Kiriyama." I mumble into my palm "What are you doing?"

At this point I had no idea why I even bothered asking, he wasn't going to answer me. My eyes focus on the wall and I keep my back turned as he walks toward the tub. It's not that I've never seen a naked man before, Mimura and I did have sex once and I handled that without passing out but I had no idea how to react to this situation.

"Why?" I squeak again as his hands pull at the sleeves of my blouse, tugging them down my arms. My eyes squeeze shut and last night comes back in flashes. Kazuo was smiling as he fired that gun and killed Ryuhei and his goons. He likes to hurt people, and he licked my knee, so...he also likes to see me uncomfortable.

My shirt hits the floor and I swing my body toward him only to have him pull me against his naked chest. My cheek pressed against the gauze I'd adorned him in and I chewed my lower lip "Kiriyama, please...don't….I-" a strong arm held me in place as his fingers unclasped my bra with a snap.

His hand presses against my chest and he gives me a rough push against the wall, a sickly smile contorts his features as his eyes meet mine and his index finger curls around the junction of my bra. My breathing becomes heavy and I try not to let the discomfort show on my face, but I know it does. He's reveling in it. I see the joy in his eyes, only it's empty. A heartless happiness.

His eyebrows furrow and now he's nose to nose with me, intense eyes searching my own. I feel him in my soul and it never once crosses my mind to look away. His eyes keep asking one question. _Are you afraid? _And he keeps daring me to say yes.

"No." I quip. "I'm not scared of you." a small whimper slips from my parted lips as he pulls my bra toward him, and lets it fall to the floor, leaving me exposed. Kiriyama turns his back to me and I look up at the ceiling to avoid seeing anything below his waist. Hot water splashes around his legs as he settles into the tub and I stay in place.

My hands are covering my exposed flesh and I can hear him snapping his fingers, though I'm still staring at the ceiling. Slowly, hesitantly, I let my eyes meet his. His snaps are demanding that I get in the tub as well. "No thank you, Kiriyama." I offer him a smile. "I can wait. Really. You did get shot last night and-" His hand trapped my wrist in a vice grip and I closed my mouth.

I know when things are out of my control, when there's nothing I can say or do to change an outcome, maybe that's why I'm calm even though I know I'll be dead in the next day or so. I can't change it, some things are final. The same way I can't tell Kazuo no. It doesn't matter. He's made up his mind and it's impossible to negotiate with someone who refuses to speak or give a response.

So I'm in the tub with him, my knees are pulled against my chest and my body is nestled between his knees. For some reason I can hear my heart in my ears and occasionally, he shifts and I feel my beating heart jump into my throat. Kazuo is unpredictable. I'm still trying to figure out why he didn't kill me back on the beach. Right now I think he legitimately just wants to torment me.

His fingers are moving up and down my spine, stopping at the base of my neck and trailing back down again. Each shift of his fingers makes me tense up and I know he feels that. "Kiriyama." I whisper and his hands wrap around my throat, giving it a light squeeze. For a moment my heart all but stops.

When his fingers fall away, I let out a soft breath of relief. My voice cracks softly as air returns to my lungs "Kiriyama, last night, when I was trying to….patch you up...I noticed...a scar on the back of your neck….it runs all the way up your scalp….your hair hides it really well….will you tell me what happened?"

The water shifts around us as he leans forward, I feel his fingers grip my hair as he tugs my head backward and my face pinches up from the pain stinging my scalp. He only stares into my eyes. There is no apparent answer. Kiriyama doesn't shake his head no or nod in approval.

My eyebrows furrow together and I whimper as he lets me go and stands. My cheeks flush red and my eyes slam shut. I couldn't avoid an eyeful that time and it was now forever burned in my mind.

I was still, my face buried in my hands as I listened to him put on his pants. "I apologize." it came out in a mousy squeak. I wasn't sure if I was apologizing for seeing his nether regions or for asking about the scar. Either way, I was sorry.

It took me just a few minutes to get dressed. My steps were slow as I walked out of the bathroom, listening to Kazuo snap his fingers. "Are we leaving?" I ask as I make my way toward him.

He opens the door in response, in one hand he holds my rope and a large duffle bag hangs lazily off his shoulder. Kitano's voice fills the air as we step out into the brisk morning. "It's six am!" he says with a false happiness over the intercom. "Time to start your day, but first let's go over the list of the fallen, the names of all your dead friends."

As Kitano recites his list Kazuo begins tieing my rope around my neck, keeping the knot just tight enough to be uncomfortable. "There isn't any need to tie me up. I don't intend to run, Kiriyama."

His hand tugs the rope and I begin to follow him back toward the trees. "Kiriyama...didn't you hear the announcement?" my stomach drops as I realize he's heading straight into a danger zone. The wild haired man simply keeps walking, dragging me with him, his grip on the rope causing me to choke softly whenever I slow down. "Kiriyama, our collars….are you listening to me?" I could feel my tone getting frantic. My heart rate begins to skyrocket and like the shot heard round the world, a loud high pitched beeping sounds in my ears.

Hot tears burn in the corners of my eyes and an ear piercing shriek erupts from the depths of my throat. Only now it hits me, now that it's staring me in the face, I'm terrified. I'm not ready to die. Kazuo scoops me up and throws me violently over his shoulder, with such force it causes a hiccup to sound from my lips.

It hurts, as he runs my body bounces up and down over his shoulder, each move threatens to break my ribs and I regret the rice I ate last night. "K-Kiriyama!" I whimper as he puts distance between us and the danger zone, my collar stops beeping and he throws me to the ground.

A grunt slips from my lips as I roll over in the leaves and dirt. I scramble to my hands and knees, drawing in deep labored breaths. "It stopped." I whisper to myself. "It's done. You're alive. Everythings okay. Calm down." slowly I feel my limbs stop shaking as I grip a fistfull of leafs. "Thank you, Kiriyama," I say breathlessly. He's saved me once again.

Once more he grabs up a handful of my hair, that's beginning to feel more familiar then I am comfortable with. He tugs at my hair and I shift to my feet. Kazuo is staring at me, and for the life of me I can't quite figure out what he's thinking. My eyes trail to his shoulder where his hand is rested. "Is it okay?" I inquire softly.

Kazuo frowns and offers me a look of irritation. Something told me he wasn't used to having someone ask if he was okay or not. I raise an eyebrow and tip my head to the side "Carrying me like that...it hurt you."

He turns his back to me and begins walking, expecting that I'll follow no doubt. My face pinched up and I shout "Kiriyama!" I lunge forward and grip the arm he's holding the other with. "Let me see." with all the strength I have, I force him to turn ever so slightly. "It popped out of place, Kiriyama...you can't just-"

His rough hand grips my face, fingers pressing into my cheeks as he stares right into my eyes, a silent warning, telling me to stop. I find myself staring back at him, a look of surprise in my eyes as my lips are forced to purse.

There's a loud rustling in the trees behind me and Kazuo glances up instinctively. "Kiriyama…" his hand clamps down over my mouth and my eyes go wide. Twigs break beneath his feet as he steps back and with one aggressive move, pushed his arm back into it's socket. The sound of bone moving against bone makes me cringe and my hands move swiftly to cover my ears.

Slowly, he takes hold of the rope around my neck once more and begins leading me toward the noise. Those dark eyes settle a bit as he lowers himself into the shrubbery surrounding the grassy area. He tugs me down with him, I stumble to the ground and find myself laying against him. His hand covers my mouth as we watch her quietly. Mitsuko. Something pools in my stomach when I realize that she's doing her make up. Twirling her eyelashes.

Her method of survival appears to be less than respectable. There's a curiosity in Kazuo's eyes that actually makes me feel just a little bit...jealous. Admittedly. It's a feeling I don't care much for, I've never been jealous before. Shinji never gave me a reason to be. Blood rushes color to my cheeks and I shove his hand away from my mouth out of pure irritation. Out the corner of my eye I see the bewildered look in his eyes. His dark eyebrow raises and I stick my tongue out at him only to quickly cover my mouth with both hands as I stare back at him apologetically. I have no idea what's wrong with me.

Every fiber of my being flinches as he raises his hand. My mouth gapes ever so slightly when he places said hand on top of my head and musses up my hair a bit. Though the gesture wasn't cruel, his hand was still rough, he put his weight behind it. Does he even know how to touch someone without bruising them?


	5. Rough

_**Rough**_

_**Day two continued**_

_**Just before noon**_

My fingers prod softly at the rope tied around my neck, trying to put some space between the twine and my tender flesh. It's been rubbing against my skin for awhile now and I can feel the red ring forming. It itches and burns, my entire face contorts in discomfort every time my fingers accidentally brush the bomb around my neck.

Kazuo shoots me a look of irritation because my constant prodding is also slowing us down. "Sorry." I say softly as he comes to a halt.

Just ahead of us, shouting, from the top of a tall hill are Yukiko Kitano (Girl #6) and her friend Yumiko Kusaka (Girl#7). My eyes narrow and I follow Kazuo as we move closer "What are they…"

"Let's not fight each other!" Yukiko screamed into her megaphone, that must have been her weapon. Some people really did get screwed over. "Lets all get together and work to figure it out! We don't have to fight!"

A gun shot sounds off in the distance and my hands fly up over my ears. "Shuya! That was Nanahara, that was his voice!" Yukiko squealed happily. Kazuo tugged at the rope around my neck, commanding that I follow him and I force my legs to move but my hands still cover my ears in case another shot goes off.

I can actually see the two girls now. We're standing over them on a slightly higher landing. "Kiriyama…" I lose my breath as he produces a large gun from the duffel bag that still hangs over his shoulder.

My legs give out in immediate response and I'm on my knees, nose to the ground with my hands pressed down hard on my ears. Only it doesn't help and I scream at the top of my lungs. The gun he's using is loud, it makes my ears ring and for a moment time seems to stop. Hot tears form in the corners of my eyes and pour over my cheeks, "Stop it!" my voice isn't even audible over the sound of the shooting. Once it stops, I wheeze and feel him tug at the rope "No." I hiss in a slur of spit and tears. "No. Not this time."

He simply pulls harder, causing me to roll toward him, branches and roots bite at my skin as he jumps down from the landing, and my body is thrown over with him. The rope slips from his fingers because he allows it to and I find myself laying in a mess of branches and dirt. Yukiko and Yumiko are laying on the ground, blood stains growing darker on their blouses as Kazuo steps over Yumiko's body, picking up her katana.

My eyebrows turn upward as I watch him strap the sword to his back. There's a certain spark in his eyes as he makes his way back toward Yukiko who is still squirming, tears in her dark eyes as fear contorts her pretty face that is stained with blood.

Kazuo takes her megaphone out of her hand, lifts it to his lips and blows a few breaths into the speaker, as if to make sure it worked properly. The tiny girl screams out for all she's worth as he thrusts his foot into her stomach.

He than leans down, puts the megaphone to her lips and places the barrel of the gun right against where he'd just kicked. I throw my hands over my ears and turn my head in the opposite direction, as I nearly bite my tongue out to keep from screaming at the top of my lungs.

They were calling for peace. They wanted to work this out. They didn't want anyone to die. They were fools. There is no peace. There is no way out. Now they're dead. We're all going to die. I can feel something slipping out of me. Maybe it's any will I had left. Maybe it's what's left of Noa. "Noa." I whimper.

I slowly pull my knees against my chest, my fingers ache as they cover my ears, my tendons strain and my muscles burn. The inside of my mouth is dry and my cheeks burn red as my tears dry into them. Only when I see Kazuo walking toward me, does it register with me that the shooting has stopped.

I clamber to my knees and begin to crawl back up the hill, toward the landing we'd initially come from. My hands grab at the vines and thorny branches, every part of me struggles to lift my body off the ground. Kazuo is standing behind me now, without warning he grabs my wrist. My hand slams against his chest in violent protest "No!" it comes out shaky. "Kiriyama, stop." Lanky fingers trap my wrist, he pulls my body toward him, slams my back against the dirt wall behind me and captures my lips with his own.

His kiss, like everything else he does, is rough and unpredictable. Soft hands grip my hair roughly, causing my scalp to burn as his lips move urgently against mine. It hurts, ever so slightly, and I can feel my skin bruising against his. Every part of me is on fire.

The one who started the kiss is the one who breaks it, and when my eyes open and find his, they haven't changed. His eyes are still perfect obsidian, and they're still empty and unreadable. "What are you thinking?" my voice is a squeak and I've completely lost my breath.

I feel his fingers slip up my chin and his thumb tugs at my lower lip. "Kiriyama."

"Kaoru." his voice was a rasp.

My dark eyes are wide and I feel my thoughts start to spin. The disconcertion on my face must have pleased him because the most sadistic smirk I'd ever seen in my life swept across his lips.

"You can speak…" the words leave my lips in a single breath and he turns his back to me, rope in hand, he begins dragging me behind him once more.

"Kiriyama." and just like that he was silent again. No response. Just like before. Part of me was beginning to wonder if he'd ever spoken at all, had I imagined it? It was a possibility.

That seemed more likely than not as time passed. From the forest to the cliffs, Kazuo breathed not a single word. The sound of waves rolling off the rocks was almost peaceful, until I glanced down and noticed the bodies of two students, lying there, blood spatter surrounding them. I stare for only a moment, I believe them to be Sakura and Kazuhiko. They were a couple, I recall them spending most of their time together. I suppose they decided to die together.

Kazuo is holding my shoulders now. Part of me fears that he'll push me. I can feel his warm breath against my neck and for a moment, I am reminded that this man is only human. His silence and vindictiveness makes him out to be more of a creature but when he breaths against my skin the way he is right now, Kazuo is undeniably human.

_**~Dead~**_

_**Girl #6**_

_**Girl #7**_

_**Girl #4**_

_**Girl#3**_

_**Girl#10**_

_**Boy #3**_

_**Boy#13**_

_**Boy #20**_

_**Boy#21**_


	6. Blood

_**Blood**_

_**Day Two continued **_

_**1:00 Pm **_

Water rushes over my head in shallow waves, I seal my lips and squint my eyes through the salt and possible tears, trying to see the stones ahead. Blood spattered crimson all over grey cement, splotchy red trails leading to the center of the rock formation too small to call an island. In the center, laid the bodies belonging to Sakura and Kazuhiko. A few feet from them, Was a green backpack that was meant to be someone's weapon and food supply. I imagine whoever decided to call a quits must have thrown it down before jumping.

My small hands grab at the rocks as I pull my slender form upward, it takes all the strength I have in my shaking arms not to fall right back down. The water is freezing, my clothes feel heavy and my head is spinning, pins and needles prick at my skin, I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to climb down a cliff side and swim out into icy ocean water. Kiriyama didn't leave me much of a choice, he wanted the bag and as I've been learning for the last twenty-four hours, Kiriyama gets what he wants.

Once on top the rock formation, I step over Sakura, a knot forms deep inside my stomach as I try my best not to touch her at all. I want to be as respectful as I possibly can. Biting my lower lip, I cast a glance upward, looking back at the cliff top. Kiriyama had already started to make his way down to the beach to wait for me. I could have swam out from the shore but he wanted to watch me clamber down the cliff side. Of all his games thus far, this one was my least favorite.

My delicate hands swipe the bag of in one swift motion and I draw in a sharp breath. "Okay…" I whisper, trying to soothe myself. "Okay." Another sharp breath. "Okay." I slip my arms through the straps and sitch the green sack onto my back. The water isn't quite as cold when I dive into it this time, though it's still rather unpleasant.

My arms reach out in front of me and slowly but surely, I start to make my way back to the beach, where I can see Kiriyama standing and waiting, I can tell that he's tired of waiting, even though he shows no signs of impatience. As demanding as he is, I'm almost certain he's never had to wait very long for anything.

The corners of my vision darken, my head is pounding as I feel my limbs growing heavy. _What's-What's happening? _Kiriyama cocks his head to the side, his eyes portray confusion. Suddenly, he's moving forward and my vision is gone.

Water rushes up my throat, ugly, violent gags force it forward and I roll onto my side, weird marks dance across my vision in blurs as I stare at the sand. Slender fingers are resting on my arm, sliding up toward my shoulder. Ragged breathing slips from my lips as I glance toward Kiriyama.

When I thought he was trying to comfort me, he was really just taking the backpack from me. He fell back, taking a seat as he placed the bag in his lap, crossing his long legs. _Did I faint? For how long? _My eyes shifted toward the sky that hadn't changed.

"How long?" My voice rasps.

Kiriyama holds up five fingers. I nod in silent response. Just five minutes. If five hours had passed, it'd be kind of dark already. My legs tremble as I shift onto my knees. "What weapon did-"

He pulls a cloth head band from the bottom of the bag. Anger surges through my veins and I curl my lip back in irritation, I scaled a cliff...for a cloth headband. In response to the look on my face, Kiriyama smiles, and it isn't creepy, it's genuine, which made it a little unsettling. A small sound slips from his lips.

I raise a confused eyebrow and his head falls back, a perfect mouth drops open and Kiriyama begins laughing. My heart beats hard against my ribs, so hard I feel like it's going to burst. He's laughing, he's laughing like a child. It's beautiful. Everything about it is beautiful, from the sound, to the way his lips peel back over his teeth to form the most gorgeous smile. His dark eyes are closed and his eyelashes are long.

Just like that...the irritation falls from my face and something else takes over, something unfamiliar. What I'm feeling now, is unfamiliar to me. His laugh, it makes me ache. It's unnerving. "Stop it." My voice is a murmur. My tone becomes something more aggressive, something not quite myself. "Stop it." Kiriyama's response is simple, he gets louder. My delicate hand flies up and I slap him hard across the face. Everything goes silent, the only sound is the waves smashing against the cliff side.

My hands fly up over my gaping mouth, Kiriyama is staring at me, full disbelief holds his face. The full magnitude of what I just did starts to hit me as he lunges forward and pushes my back into the sand. Long fingers wrap around my wrists and pin them to the ground on either side of my head.

His lips lay down on mine, he trails hungry kisses over my mouth and I arch my back trying to knock him off of me. A rough hand forces my hips downward as he captures my lower lip between two rows of perfect teeth. I whimper as he bites down, it hurts, I can taste blood, he definitely busted my lip.

_What is this? I hit him, why is he kissing me? Why is his mouth so warm? _My head falls back and I feel my eyelids grow heavy, his mouth is working down the length of my neck, slow, acutely placed kisses turn violent and toothy so fast it makes my head spin. My legs shift and his hand slams down on my raised knee, forcing my leg straight. It hurt, a burning pain rushed through the tendons in my leg.

His fingers are pushing my skirt up my thighs, I feel my cheeks growing warm and I bite my lower lip, right where he'd busted it just moments ago. "Ouch." I murmur as my gaze turns toward the sky. _He's just trying to make me uncomfortable, that must be it. _My dark eyes widen to the size of saucers and my pupils center, his lips are pressed against the most intimate part of me.

"No!" I squeal, thrashing to the side, my knee connects with his face as I crawl forward. Soft hands roughly grab my hips, Kiriyama snarls slightly as he drags me back toward him. My back against his chest, he wraps a strong around around my waist and uses his free hand to turn my head toward him. Once more, he captures my lips with his own.

I moan into his mouth, his tongue is prodding at my lower lip now. I can't help it, I shift slightly, only one of my arms is trapped by the one he has locked around me, I place my free hand on the side of his face and open my mouth slightly to let his tongue inside. The kiss becomes more urgent, his hand leaves my face and slips down my collar bone, nimble fingers undo my top two buttons and then slide beneath the crisp white fabric.

"K-Kiri-" I lose my breath, his fingers are sliding over top of my bra and my legs are starting to quiver. There's a burn under my skin, it races through my veins, filling them up with fire. I feel more at home in this moment then I've felt anywhere with anyone since Noa died. For the life of me, I can't figure out why it feels this way, to be touched by a madman, by someone without remorse, without feelings, by someone who shoots down his peers without even flinching. The kiss deepens, his lips become more urgent against mine and my thoughts are getting away from me.

A loud squeal sounds from the woods near by and the kiss comes to an abrupt end. Kiriyama places his large hand between my shoulder blades and knocks me forward with one hard shove. My knees knock together in the sand as I hear him brushing off his pants. I close my eyes and draw in a breath only to be yanked upward by a handful of my hair.

"I'm coming!" I squeak softly as I hop forward, trying to catch up with the hand that is pulling me. His steps are like two of mine. In one hand, he holds my hair, in the other, he holds the backpack he'd forced me to retrieve. He lets go of me and his hands shove the soaked green bag into my arms. His eyes tell me to put it on and keep my mouth shut. I nod my head in silent response as I slide it on.

My clothes are wet and uncomfortable, and the backpack doesn't help anything. My eyes shift toward Kazuo, I can see the wet spot on his chest from where my back was pressed against it. For some reason, that makes me smile, a small, silent, guilty smile. His fingers are now working the rope back around my neck. I bite my lip and try not to think about how much worse this is going to feel now that my skin is wet. "I told you." I try again, "I'm not going anywhere, Kiriyama." His fingers wrap around the end of the rope and he tugs me forward. _That's what I thought you'd say. _My thoughts hiss.

As we walk through the woods, the humidity burns into my cheeks, it makes my skin itch and turn blotchy, it makes the air sticky and hard to breathe. Kiriyama doesn't seem to mind it, but I can see the sweat beading just above his brow. _It almost reminds me of…._

* * *

_The gymnasium is alive with the sound of the student body cheering on their team. Feet are stomping excitedly against the wood floor as hands clap together. In the bleachers, I can see signs, I see red streamers and hear girls screaming. In a corner, I can see Mitsuko, she was always so alone. My hearts racing, there's a smile on my face as I feel myself being lifted onto the shoulders of Tendo and Yukiko. I tumble backward, my team mates catch me and I bounce forward, arms stretched wide as we burst into our next routine. As for the game, We're about to win. __Sugimura tosses the ball toward the basket, when it ricochets off the rim , a player from the other team catches the rebound. The crowd goes silent, I'm standing off to the side, clad in a skirt and crop top, my hands, clutching orange pompoms fall to my sides and the rest of my team comes to a halt. He makes an attempt at a break down the court, Sugimura blocks and once the ball is in his hands, he passes it to Mimura. _He was still Shinji to me in those days. _Sweat beads just above Shinji's furrowed brow as the ball bounces hard against the floor and he begins to drive down the court. Once faced with another team member, He passes the ball back to Sugimura, a nervous look on his face, Sugimura tosses the ball toward the hoop, again it smacks against the rim and bounces off. Shinji catches the rebound and shoots just as the timer goes off. A loud buzz fills the now silent room. The ball soars through air and hits the backboard. It spins around the rim.I can see Shinji watching it, I can see his eyes, cool and collected, he knows he's won. It drops through the hoop and our peers, seated on the bleachers scream in elation, The score is 65 to 64. We cheerleaders burst back into our routine. My arms streach out above my head, I give my pom poms a hard shake as my leg kicks up in front of me and I spin around in unison with my group. As I'm turning back around, a strong arm wraps around my waist and Shinji's lips are against mine. This is our first kiss and my heart has found a new home...in my throat._

* * *

A tug on the rope around my neck breaks me from my thoughts and I look to Kiriyama, he's staring forward, we're hiding in a thicket of trees, watching Minami (Girl#20) and Mizuho (Girl#1) as they scream at one another. I bite my lip, remembering how close the two had always been, even as Mizuho was called up to start this game...they embraced, promising to always be friends.

"I d-don't want to have to kill you!" Minami quips. "So please!" she screams, gripping the pick ax at her side, "Put that knife down! We'll figure this out together!"

"I can't!" There are tears in Mizuho's dark eyes, "I can't! There's only one winner! If you're still alive when I am...w-we both"

Kiriyama is no longer amused, he steps forward, leaving me behind. When he reveals himself, The two friends hold each other close, both are crying, legs shaking, both just want to go home. "L-Leave us alone!" Minami screams, her voice is ugly, and unusual.

"You-you better go!" Mizuho threatens, "You're outnumbered!" I don't need to see Kiriyama's face to know he's amused. Minami screams out as Kiriyama grabs her by the arm, throwing her small body to the ground. Her ponytail flies over her shoulder and Kiriyama stomps his foot between her shoulder blades.

Mizuho grips her kitchen knife and raised her hand above her head, I raise an eyebrow. _She's going to stab Kiriyama. _My body moves on it's own. I lunge forward, heart racing as I knock Mizuho to the ground. I roll her over, hands grabbing anything I see in an attempt to take her knife away. Her weight forced me onto my back, she raised her hand above her head and my hands fly up to catch her wrists. The tip of the knife is dangerously close to my right eye but I can feel her grip starting to shake. She's going to falter, any second now. I'm not entirely sure what Kiriyama is doing to Minami just a few feet away but she's crying out and it's loud. It might be louder if my heart weren't beating so loud in my ears.

Mizuho falters, I manage to force her hand to the side, I cry out as the blade of her knife slits through my cheek. It's a sharp pain, it burns too, there are tears in my eyes and I feel them rolling down my cheeks, mixing blood with salty warm water. The knife is mine now, one hard lunge and I bury it in her side. She screams bloody murder as I use my leg to knock her off of me. She's on her back. I throw my leg over her hip, straddling her as my hand rips the knife from her flesh.

"Kenta." She wheezes, the pain in her eyes is evident as she cries out. "Why? What are you?" her voice breaks, snot runs down her angel's peak, touching the tips of her upper lip. "Y-you were always so...so quiet...I...ahaaaa!" she screams as I raise the knife above my head. _Finish what you started. _My thoughts whisper. When the knife breaks skin, I hear it, I hear the flesh tearing around the blade and it makes my stomach turn, again and again, and again, and with each time, the sound becomes a little less uncomfortable. Blood splashes against my face, my clothes. I feel it staining me in more ways than one.

The life leaves her eyes and I come to a horrific realization. Carmine killed my sister and it probably made him feel better. A loud, awful shriek erupts from the back of my throat. I throw the kitchen knife, it disappears somewhere in the grass. My hands fly backward and I frantically scoot away from the body belonging to the female I'd just killed. Crocodile tears roll down my cheeks as I rub at my face, it hurts, the cut in my cheek is a deep one and I don't care because all I want to do is rip my own face off.

Kiriyama is in front of me now, he's covered in blood, Minami's ax is buried in her forehead. He's staring at me, his hands are combing over my arms and my foot flies up, landing a hard kick in his chest. "Don't touch me!" my voice is a command. He staggers, but not by much. He's glancing over his shoulder, checking out my handy work.

Violent shudders wracked my body. I'm combing through my memories, trying to remember where I met Inada, Mizuho. It was school, I had two classes with her, and also lunch, on a few occasions, she borrowed a pencil from me. She always gave them back. I stiffen up, she was a good person and I took her life. The worst part of it all, is just how much I love it. For the first time in years, I'm not feeling guilty over Noa's death. I feel in control of the world around me, I feel like I can win this game and I feel free, and that...terrifies me.

I stare past Kiriyama, looking at Inada's open eyes. She's watching me, somehow, someway, I know she can see me, she's still asking why, she's still crying out and as I force myself to stand on shaking legs, I rip the pickax from Minami's head and scream "Shut up!" at the top of my lungs. The sound of bone cracking fills the air as I slam her friend's weapon into her face.

Kiriyama is quiet, not a shock. He's watching me, analyzing me. He stands, his hands push my back against a tree, and the bark bites into my shoulder blades. I stare into his eyes. His fingers are prodding at the cut in my cheek, it's numb, and I don't feel it. Everything is numb. His fingers slid downward, from my cheek to my neck, to the rope around it. He grips at my leash and tugs me forward.

_Does nothing phase him? _

As we venture farther into the woods, I idly wonder if Noriko is still alive. Shinji too. We hadn't been walking for very long. This clearing is small, there are two small houses adjacent from another another, and everything is surrounded by trees. Kiriyama notes one of the abandoned houses and promptly pulls me inside. One hard shove and I fall against the kitchen table. A few snaps of his fingers and I know to sit down. Once seated on the kitchen table, I watch Kiriyama lock up the door.

He crosses the room in just a few strides of his long legs, a squeak fills the air as he twists the knob belonging to the kitchen sink. The water is hot, I can see the steam as it rises on the air. His hands are removing the rope from around my neck. I can feel the red ring it's left on my skin, it feels good to have the twine removed. "Kiriyama?" I whisper softly as he grabs my arm roughly. I stagger as he drags me toward the sink. "Kiriyama it's too!" I scream as he grabs me by my bangs and forced my head down into the sink.

Blistering water scalds the entire right side of my face. It soaks into my hair, blistering my scalp as it washed over me. It mixes with the blood from my cut. Ugly, violent sobs wrack my body as the blood and water spin down the drain. "St-st-st!" I can't even form words. The pain is too great. His hand is firm, it keeps my head in place as the water works over my cut. It burns, the pain is more intense than being cut with the knife ever was.

My weak knees knock together and my arm flails, his free hand twists it behind my back. I can't cry anymore, my voice is broken, all that comes out is wheezing, mouse like squeals and choking. He let's my arm go to turn the water off. It's not much of a change, The water still burns, everything still hurts, My wet hair is hot against my face. His arms wrap around my slender waist and lift me off the floor, placing me on the kitchen counter. "Why?" I croak.

He disappears down the hall. My eyes shift toward the door, I consider running. By the time I can make a solid decision, Kiriyama is standing in front of me again. In his hand, it a spool of thread and a needle. Nimble fingers are working one into the other. _He was cleaning out my cut…._

He grips my face between his thumb and forefinger, breaking the thread off with his teeth, he looks me over. I bite my lip, knowing full well, this will hurt. My skin is tender and the first time he breaks it with the needle, I scream, he gives my head a hard shake and I bite my tongue. There's a great deal I want to say to him, but it has to wait until he's finished. We're silent. Every now and then, a small whimper breaks that silence.

When he's done, he steps backward and I whisper "Th-thank you…" he says nothing. "Kiriyama, I'm going to search the house for some dry clothes…" He says nothing. I shift off the counter and make my way down the hallway. The first door is a closet, inside there's a broom. The next door is a bathroom, the next is a pantry, inside the pantry is a bag of rice. I swipe that up and make my way to the next door, it's a bedroom, from the looks of it, it belonged to a girl about my age. The blanket on the bed is faded but it was pink once upon a time, I can tell.

I set the bag of rice down on the bed and walk past a shelf of books and stuffed animals to open up the closet door.

It's pretty empty, only a few things left behind.I have to wonder what the evacuation of this island looked like. My fingers comb over the fabric of a navy colored polo. I shed my wet clothes right down to my socks and panties. Unable to find a bra, I pull the polo on over my bare skin, the fabric is soft, it's sleeves are elbow length and the neckline is a shallow V. The top drawer of a small dresser is full of socks and panties, I prod at the cloth to be sure everything is clean before pulling anything on. I settle on a pair of white panties and grey socks. The socks are a little big and when I roll them down, they bunch up at my ankles. Doesn't matter, they're dry. I've found three or four skirts, two from a school uniform, but I want shorts. In the bottom drawer, I manage to find a pair of dark jean shorts, They're a bit small for me, but not so small that they don't fit.

In the corner of the closet, I find a pair of brown boots, a pair of black dress shoes and a pair of white and pink running shoes. The boots look a little more durable, the running shoes are kind of faded. The moment I pick up the pair of boots, I note that one is missing a sole. They make a soft sound as I toss them aside and grab up the running shoes.

Once they're on my feet, I'm glad they're a little worn, if they weren't they would have been uncomfortably small. There's a light breeze and it causes pink curtains to shift. I crawl across the bed, it's frame squeaks beneath my weight as I push the curtains aside to look out the window. Everything outside is engrossed in tall shadows cast by the house and trees, I can see an old pinwheel, colors worn with time, but still, it's spinning round in the wind. All this time, and that thing still stands. If it could talk, what stories would it tell? Near it to my own surprise are four shallow graves. Maybe someone buried their friends a few games ago, maybe it was the family that lived here, maybe when they island was evacuated, they refused to leave. I imagine someone had to refuse, I know if someone told my mother to leave our home, she'd rather die. Pulling myself away from the window, I look back toward the door, almost surprised Kiriyama wasn't staring at me. Near the door, was a bigger dresser. On top the dresser, beside a pink bunny rabbit is a picture of a young girl, with her mother, father and brother. I cross the room and gently pull the picture from it's frame. On the back, names are written.

_Tsume, Reira, Kyosuke, and finally Tsubaki. _Judging by the order of people shown in the picture, it's Riera's clothes I'm wearing. She really was a tiny girl, her skin was tanned, her eyes were big and her hair was crimped and bleached. She seemed happy.

I smile a soft smile as I stare at the image in my hand. Hanging above the dresser is a mirror. When I look up, I see the stitches Kiriyama has laid into my cheek. They're perfect, precise, as if done by a professional. "Where did you learn…" my voice was a rasp as it trailed off.

I shake my head, fold up the picture and stick it in the pocket of my new shorts. I guess I can get Reira and her family off the island symbolically, that is, if I make it out myself. Making my way back toward the bed, I grab the bag of rice and take one more look out the window.

"Traitor." his voice startles me. It's only my second time hearing it.

"What?" I snap back quickly as I swing around to see Kiriyama. He's furious and I have no idea why. Dark eyes bore holes into my skull from a distance. I can see that he's shaking, that's new. My heart leaps into my throat as he stalks toward me.

I start to scoot backward only to have my back meet the windowsill. He grips my shoulder and slams my side into the mattress. I'm clinging to the rice bag because it's all I have. "What did I do?" I quip. Tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes. His large hands snatch the bag of rice and throw it across the room.

"Kiriyama?" I question frantically as he slams my body against the wall, my knees on the bed as he holds me in place. I'm trapped between him and the wall, my breathing is heavy and I have no idea what to expect. I'm not even sure what he's angry about.

"What do you mean?" I whimper as he slams the window shut. "Traitor?" I question. "What are you talking about?" I hiss as he pins my wrists above my head. "I know I didn't mishear you this time!" I finally put my foot down. I may be trapped and I may be weak but I'm through being polite about this. "You can talk!" I shout. "I know you can! You choose not to!"

Kiriyama is dead eyed. It's as if he's just come to a realization. Slowly, he let's me go. Dark eyes hollow as he backs up and walks toward the other side of the room. One hard throw and the rice bag is back in my hands. He snaps his fingers and walks back down the hallway.

I lay back against the wall and draw in a deep breath. _What was that? _

_**~Dead~**_

_**Girl # 01**_

_**Girl # 20**_

* * *

**_Authors note: As far as this chapter goes, I'm sorry it took so long to update. Thank you for your patience. As you can see, Kaoru is changing her tune a bit. The point of her is that she was always a ticking time bomb, she was never not crazy after her sister died, she was just all bundled up, wound down and caged, slowly but surely, that is changing. _**


	7. Feel

_**Feel**_

_**Day two continued **_

_**3:00PM **_

Silence hangs heavy on the air as I stir a pot of boiling water and rice. Kiriyama is sitting at the kitchen table, every weapon at his disposal had been laid out for a good cleaning. For a good ten minutes I had to listen to him sharpening knives, I thought my ears were going to bleed. At least that was done now.

I strain the rice, it isn't going to taste very good without butter but it will fill our stomachs. When I place a bowl in front of him. Kiriyama finally takes a break from his weapons and starts to eat. Instead of sitting, I stand at the counter and spoon my food into my mouth quietly.

He hasn't looked me in the eye since the incident in the bedroom. I've been so angry with him for randomly attacking me that I don't care to look him in the eye. Moments pass, silence lingers. I take a bite, then push my food around in my bowel. My eyes slant, I glance toward him, he's not moving. He's already eaten half his bowel.

We should be talking, I should be trying to figure out why he got so upset with me, but I've never been very good at arguing, I always shut down, I never want to talk it out. Never…

* * *

_A bowl of assorted fruits and marshmallow dip shatters all over my mother's cherry-wood floor. My hands are shaking as I inwardly curse myself for being so clumsy. I don't need to look up, to know my mother is giving me a look. It's just the two of us in the kitchen right now. Just down the hall, my father is hosting our new year's eve party. "I-I'm sorry!" I quip. _

_My mother's face pinches up, her thin lips peel back over her teeth as she snaps "Do not apologize!" her words are sharp. "After all, it's what I expect from you! This is why Noa helped me prepare meals and you set the table!"_

_There's a pain in my chest, like I'm being stabbed, I didn't mean to drop the bowl, it was an accident, nothing more. "Noa was just...more coordinated- I"_

"_Yes." her tone changes, it softens and she says, "Noa was more coordinated, she was also more athletic, not to mention smarter, more polite, more reserved, she spoke when she was spoken to, she was respectful, everything she was supposed to be, Noa was! She dies and I'm left with nothing…" _

_As she speaks, I'm on my knees, cleaning the food from the floor. "I'll make more…" my voice shakes softly._

"_Don't." it's all she says. _

_Hot tears line my eyes. I don't know why I still cry over this, it's all I've heard out of her mouth every day since my sister died. It's new year's eve, so tonight, I think I'll try, just once, for a second chance. "Please, I would really like to help."_

"_You want to help." She scoffs. "You can help by picking up the slack, you can start practicing the violin again, you can spend more time on your studies, I expect more from you." What she really means is, I expect more from Noa. _

"_I was never good at the-" _

"_You never tried!" She hisses. "Noa was a natural so-"_

"_Mom, I'm not Noa! I'm Kaoru! Remember! There are two of us!" I scream, I scream it so loud my voice breaks as I shift to my feet. _

"_Of course!" She yells back. "Of course I know there were two of you! Of course I know that you're not Noa! Noa would never-" her voice breaks, but she doesn't cry, she cried herself dry the day my sister was shot. My mother is frail, her hands are shaking and her once pretty face has aged. _

"_I may not be just like Noa, I'm not a violin prodigy, I'm not a genius, but I do-"_

"_The one thing, you have going for you is Shinji, and I'm not even sure what it is he sees in you…." when those words leave her lips, I freeze._

_She turns her back to me and saunters out of the kitchen. I'm alone. My hand is gripping a dish rag and as I turn to chase after her, I slip on the floor I'd just wiped up. My back smacks the cherrywood hard and my eyes focus on the ceiling. I can hear my heart beating in my ears, what did I do to deserve this? Do I really have to accept that my mother really does wish it were me instead of Noa? _

_The sound of someone knocking softly on the kitchen wall makes me sit up. Shinji holds out a hand and helps me to my feet. "You left the party over an hour ago, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." his voice is kind, he presses a kiss to my forehead and I feel a knot in my throat. "Kaoru…" _

_I jolt a bit and look up at him, "Y-Yeah? I mean...I-"_

"_You're shaking." His large hands are running up and down my back, he's trying to soothe me. "What happened?" _

"_It's nothing can we-"_

"_Let's go for a walk." he reads my mind. _

_When Shinji tells my mother that we're leaving, she doesn't say anything to me. She simply tells him to be safe. In her eyes, he's worthwhile. The entire walk through my huge house, to the front door, Shinji keeps an arm around my shoulders. His thumb is rubbing circles into my shoulder in a calming motion. When we get to the front door, he grabs my black peacoat off a hook and starts to place it over my shoulders. _

_I slip my arm into one of the sleeves and offer him a broken smile, "I can dress myself."_

_His hands are working a scarf around my neck and the smirk on his thin, perfectly shaped lips says he heard me but doesn't care. He likes to take care of me. _

_Once his jacket is on, he pulls a grey beanie down over his spiked up hair and opens the door. The winter air stings my warm skin as I walk out onto my front porch. The entire outside of my home is wound up in bright lights, just like every other house on my street. It doesn't look real, it looks like a fantasy forest. Snowflakes flutter gently through the air and as I start to take a step forward, Shinji takes me by the hand and guides me down the steps, onto the sidewalk. _

_Once we're turning the corner, leaving my street, Shinji asks, "What happened?"_

"_My mother…" my voice is soft._

"_What did she say this time?" I wish I could say that he knows nothing about my situation, but we've been together well over nine months now and he's the hardest person to lie to. We're walking into a park. We played here when we were little. We met for the first time by the swing set I'm walking toward now. My being home schooled kept us from being really close as kids….but I loved every moment we spent at this playground. _

"_She was just….talking about Noa…." I whisper._

"_That Again?" His tone is stern, I don't need to see his face to know his brow is furrowed and his jaw is set. " I wish I could say that I understand how hard that was, I can't….I can't even imagine it...but she needs to be an adult, she needs to be there for you, she lost her daughter but you lost your twin!"_

"_It's more than that, Shinji!" I feel my voice starting to crack up again, there are tears in my eyes as I sit down on the swing and place my hands in my lap. My tear drops break against my knuckles. "She wants me to be Noa…."_

"_I would be grateful to have just one of my children." His hands are on my shoulders. "She very easily could have lost both of you that day. She must know that."_

"_She knows, she just wishes it were me. She'd be happy if Noa were here….everyone would…"_

"_I'd miss you." he trails his fingers up my cheek from behind, catching my tear drops on his fingertips. He knows that I don't like to have anyone in my face when I'm crying, and so he always stays behind me when he knows I am. _

"_But why?" I whimper, thinking about what my mother said back in the kitchen. _

_I don't know what it is he sees in you._

Shinji laughs a soft, sweet laugh, "Are you serious? Kaoru, you're bright and kind, you care so much for the people around you, no matter what they say or do. You're loyal, there's no end to what you'd do for your friends. You're so strong, Kaoru, and so persistent, the way you never give up amazes me." he presses a kiss to the top of my head and I feel a broken smile forming on my lips.

"But the things I'd miss the most are the things only people who know you well get to know about." His lips are against my ear and his arms are wrapped tightly around my shoulders. "Like the way you can't go to sleep without a cup of green tea with brown sugar and honey." His breath is warm. "Or the way you always manage to find something new to love about the movie 'Let the right one in', each time you watch it." he's kissing down the side of my face now. Each kiss is warm, and safe. "The way you sing in the shower…"

Blood rushes color to my cheeks and I squeak, "I didn't-"

"I didn't mean to sneak up on you." He's smiling against my skin.

He's referring to when he jumped in the shower with me after our first time. I was a blushing mess, which was weird seeing as he'd officially seen everything.

His phone goes off. It's a soft melody, and he hesitantly takes a few steps back to answer it. I can hear the voice on the other end. It's Seto. he's having a party from the sound of it. "Hey, I can't make it tonight." Shinji's voice is cool and collected. There's some murmuring on the other end.

I draw in a deep breath. "You should go." it's quiet, almost under my breath.

My scarf shifts as I glance at him over my shoulder. He raises an eyebrow at me. "Go, have fun." I honestly mean it, I'm just going to be sucking up to my mom all night, trying to get her to love me again, and he doesn't deserve to spend an entire evening watching that.

"Hey, I'll talk to you later, yeah…" he smiles softly, "Happy new year." when he hangs up, the phone beeps and his screen goes black. I shift up off the swing and walk toward the fence in front of me.

"Kaoru, is there something you-"

"You have a life outside of me…" I quip.

"Yeah, I do. What's the matter?" snow crunches beneath his boots as he makes a few strides toward me.

My back turned to him, my fingers lacing into the wiring in front of me, I bite my lower lip, "You should be with your friends right now." it's true, he should, he's young and he deserves to have fun. "Instead you're here-"

"I'm where I need to be."

"Look. the truth is…." I can't say it, I can't say that I'm messed up, I can't say that because my mother thinks he's the only part of me that's worth while, I have to prove her wrong. I can't tell him how much better he deserves. I can't find the words...and so...all I can say is…"We shouldn't be together anymore, Mimura."

He's lost his breath. I can hear it, but I can't face him. "Mimura?" he questions slowly. "Kaoru, you can't be serious." It's not a question, his voice doesn't go up at the end. He's right behind me now. His hands are turning me toward him, and we he sees my face, tears line his eyes, I can see that his lower lip is starting to quiver.

My heart aches for him. The truth is that I'm a terrible person, I'm a coward, I'm not brave and I can't handle anything once the going gets tough...and I don't want to be responsible for him missing out on anymore time with friends or family. I don't want him to spend anymore time consoling me. That's what I'll tell myself for the rest of my life, that I did this for him, and not for myself.

The honest to goodness truth is, it's not convenient for me to be with him anymore. Even though I shouldn't care what my mother thinks, I've got something to prove. This breakup is about me, my senseless yearning to prove that there's more to me without Noa...even though I know Shinji already knows. It's not enough.

"Kaoru?" he says my name like an angel. "Where is this coming from?" his eyes are begging me.

"It doesn't matter!" I snap. My voice is dry.

"Yes, it does." he's trying to stay cool, but his hands are shaking as they hold my shoulders. I can see his breath on the air. "Yes it does. Just talk to me."

"We shouldn't even…." I bite my lower lip. "We don't even know what love is...okay? We're just kids…" He's staring at me like he can't even believe me now. We both grew up fast on the count of family business. Neither of us are focused on the usual teenage fads. We want the same things, to finish school, get out of this place and see things, and after we've seen it all...we both want four kids. We'd talked about it on numerous occasions. We took comfort in eachother, in talking about the future to escape the present.

"Besides…"I feel my heart starting to race. "You've already got college scouts looking to give you a full ride. We talked about the future but we have very different-"

A bell chimes. There's a church near by. The bell toll means it's midnight. I look away. His hands guide me so that I have to look at him. He's kissing me, his hands are holding my face and I've never been kissed like this, this kiss makes my knees weak. This kiss makes me ache, it makes me need. His lips are rough and kind all at once. "I know you're upset, I know your mother said something, I know it was about me, don't let her be the reason-"

My voice cracks as I draw further into myself, "You just….can't be...all that makes me...worthwhile…"

His eyes fill with pain as his hands fall to his sides, "That is-"

"Good night, Mimura….I'll see you in school." it's all I can say. I need to end this. He'll be fine. He'll move on. I can't depend on him the way I did Noa. I need to mean something...by just being me.

_The worst part about that night, was how ineffective it turned out to be. I hurt Shinji but I stayed the same. I tried to make my mother love me, I tried to be something she'd like, but I couldn't be Noa. The one thing I had right was Shinji, he loved me because I was me, he didn't want me to change, he didn't want me to be Noa or anyone else for that matter. _

_At the time, I thought that in order to grow, I needed to be alone, I know now that I was wrong. We never talked about it, we should have. I put Shinji on a last name basis and avoided him on a daily basis. Any conversations we had after that night were little more than basic small talk. That hasn't changed either, I still don't do well in an argument, I don't know how to make up. I don't know how to talk things out. _

* * *

There's a sound, Kiriyama drops his bowel in the sink. It breaks me from my memories. The air is tense and I swallow the knot in my throat.

As I move the rice filled spoon back to my lips, I feel Kazuo standing very still behind me. "Hey!" I chime as a rough hand grips my wrist and swings my body around. Kazuo's gaze holds mine.

His eyes are dark, obsidian, the soft line formed by his lips curves downward slightly and the look he gives me stirs up emotions I didn't even know existed. The air between us is tense, I feel my heart beating so fast, I'm worried it'll explode. "I-"

His thumb brushes over my lower lip, dragging a bit roughly at the side as his eyes mull over my own. In his own way, he's apologizing. I can feel it in the way he's touching me,I can see it behind his dark eyes. When I don't speak, he pushes against my shoulder, removing himself from my presence and he walks toward the window near the front door. For a moment, I worry that he'll walk out and….oh no….

When he walked into the bedroom, I'd been looking out the window. He'd called me a traitor because he thought I was going to run away….after he'd removed the rope from around my neck...that was him...showing me...that he...trusted me….

"I forgive you!" I shout, my voice breaks and I rush to his side, my hands clasp one of his. Dark eyes look back at me as my fingers tremble around his hand. "It was a misunderstanding, Kiriyama, I was never goin-"

His hand snatches up my chin in a vice grip as his tongue invades my mouth. I moan softly as I feel my eyes lid, they refuse to close. I'm afraid to close them, if I do, I might open them and find the look he has in his own right now to be gone. There's something warm in his usually distant eyes, it makes my stomach turn in the most wonderful and uncomfortable way. Kiriyama breathes against my lips and I whimper softly in silent response.

Black starts to grip at the corners of my vision as I watch him walk back to the kitchen table.A prickling sensation dances over my scalp and down my spin as I feel the muscles in my legs tensing up. In my head, everything is a mess, it's numb, like my brain and everything behind my eyes is falling asleep.

I'm confused. He scares me and I want him, he's cruel to me and I want to show him kindness, he's a murderer and I can't make myself care. His weapon of choice is a gun, he has no regard for me or my feelings, he's just, so evil, like a creature, like a monster in a bedtime story, something that hunts you down, something that can't be controlled or bargained with, something unnatural and yet he's human. I hate the way I feel when his lips capture mine, It makes me sick to my stomach and I like it. I like it and I hate that I like it. How is that supposed to feel? Why can't I be disgusted, why does he have to….I….I'm not gonna make it..

"Why are you doing this?" the words slip from my shaking lips. He pays me no mind. It's a question he's likely been asked too many times to care about anymore.

My legs move on their own and I grab him by the arm, turning him toward me so he's trapped between me and the kitchen counter. Cold, unfeeling eyes are roaming over my face. "Why don't you just kill me? Why are you playing this game?" the words are flying out of my mouth in rapid succession. "Tell me!" I demand as my hands grip his sleeves, giving him a hard shake. He's staring at me now, as if he's trying to focus. "I need to know! Why haven't you killed me like you killed them? Like Yukiko? Or Ryuhei and his thugs? Why are you toying with me?" I'm not crying, just screaming, my cheeks are dry and my hands are shaking, clinging to his sleeves, his silence only serves to piss me off more and in response I begin to shake him, violently slamming him hard against the counter repeatedly.

Every time I shake him, something happens, dishes slide off the counter and shatter against the floor, a cabinet door swings open and a rack of hanging pans all but explodes. Frying pans fly through the air, crashing the the floor and into walls. All the while, I scream and scream and scream, "TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME!"

A sickening smile graces his lips and I freeze in place, he bares his teeth and I can see where he'd bit his lip and busted it. "Kiriyama." my voice is breathless. "NO!" it tears it's way out of my throat in a terrifying shriek as I beat my fists into his chest in a violent storm of rage. "NOT AGAIN! YOU'RE NOT GONNA CONFUSE ME ANYMORE! I'M DONE!" My knees knock together and I fall into him, everything aches and I press my forehead against his collarbones. "You make me feel crazy…" I rasp exasperated. "You make me go mad. Can't you just...say...it hurts...can't you just…." every fiber of me is shaking and I don't know with what anymore. "Why does it even matter…" there's a hollow feeling in my chest, "I'll be dead soon."

His fingers slip beneath my chin, capturing it between his thumb and forefinger, a slight jerk causes me to look up into his eyes. Kiriyama's free hand combs over my damaged cheek, thumbing over the stitches he'd sewn into the wound there.

Slowly, he shakes his head and takes a small step back from me. His fingertips ghost my cheek as that hand falls to my shoulder. "Just kill-" a loud crack fills the air as he slaps me hard on the side of my face that isn't stitched up. The smack is so loud it rings in my ears and it stings so much that tears prick up at the corners of my eyes. Without his body to support me, I fall to my hands and knees. My fingers curl into my palms and my knuckles turn a ghastly white as my tears break against the old wood floor.

A loud yelp erupts from my throat as his foot knocks me backward, my back smacks the floor and I quickly shift to my feet and bolt for the table. I'm not thinking, my body is just, moving. He's walking toward me, a large rough hand grips my arm, dragging me toward him. My feet are dragging across the floor, trying to plant themselves firmly in place. My hand is dragging across the table, I can feel his duffle bag. "NO!" I hiss as my fingers wrap around something cold and hard. My arm flies out in front of me and when I open my eyes, I am holding a….gun….to Kiriyama's forehead.

For the first time, shock is clear in his eyes, and his eyes are probably reflecting mine. In my head, time has all but stopped and my fingers ache to do something awful, something I never thought I'd want to do. I could do it. I could pull the trigger, he'd never confuse me again. He'd never hit me again. He'd never kiss- and just like that, the gun smacks the floor and my hands, fall shaking at my sides.

His hands move to grab my shoulders and my body swings around. My numb legs break into a full sprint and I dart out the front door. Brisk air hits me straight in the face as I scramble across the porch, tripping over the top step. Small, pained mewls spill from my lips as I roll down the steps, skidding through leaves, sticks and dirt until I came to a halt, laying on my back. My dark eyes stare up at the sky through the spaces between the leafs in the trees.

Fresh air washes over my skin, I needed that, fresh air, I needed to hurt, and I needed it to come from something other than him. I needed to feel something besides Kiriyama. My hands move slowly, rubbing my eyes as I draw in deep breaths. "Okay...Okay...Okay." the word keeps falling from my lips, my own way of trying to convince myself that everything will infact be okay.

I gave up so many things trying to prove my own self worth, and if I die here, I did it all for nothing. I hurt Shinji for nothing, my mother wins and Noa...she would be so disappointed in me for just giving up on my life. "Get up, Ru." I whisper, it comes out in a hiss, "Get up." It's hardly my own voice anymore, it's Noa's. My nose twitches as I stop rubbing my eyes, blinking my vision into focus I can see her leaning over me. My mirror image.

"Are you really just going to lie down and die?"

"Noa." I sob, it's dry and ugly. My hands reach out for her, she captures them in her own, lacing her fingers into mine like puzzle pieces. "I miss you so much." I whimper.

"I know." she whispers softly. "Answer my question."

"What?" My eyes squint as they fill up with hot tears.

"Are you really going to just lie down and die in this place? In their game?"

"I don't know." my small voices cracks. "I might, it'd be easier."

"Ru, I watched you quit everything you ever started, creative writing, painting, the violin, your early morning jogs, and even singing, when you loved it so dearly. I will not sit by and watch you give up on your life."

"It's different, Noa, this is-"

"There is no excuse, Ru. This is your life. I didn't get to live mine. One of us needs to-"

"I'm scared Noa, you could do this, I can't." my voice rasps.

"And what makes you think that?"

"You were never afraid of anything."

A small smile tugs at her full lips, "That is the furthest thing from the truth, Ru." when she brushes my bangs away from my face, I can almost feel her touching me. She feels so real. "The thought of losing you always shook me to my core. You can do anything I could do."

"Noa, you were-"

"It doesn't matter now. I was intelligent and talented. I lacked compassion, I lacked empathy, creativity, Kaoru, you made up for everything I lacked. If the odds were against me, I'd never even try. I wouldn't have survived this, but you can. You have to live for me, okay?"

I draw in a long, shaky breath and squeak out a soft response, "Okay."

My sister leans down, pressing a kiss to my forehead as her fingers move over my hair in a soothing manner. My eyes close, and relaxation washes over me. As my eyes flutter open, Noa disappears.

I roll onto my stomach, grass shifts beneath my knees as I force myself to stand. _Say it. _"I will not die here." the words are sharp as they slip from my lips and I turn myself around, staring back at the small house I'd just fled.

My steps are quick paced and determined as I march back up the door. The flimsy piece of wood creaks as I jerk it open. Before walking inside, I grab the handle of a metal bucket that was lying on it's side, just outside the frame of the door. It's not a good self defense mechanism, but it's what I've got for now.

The house is silent, and what else would it be? It's only current occupant is a selective mute. I don't see him anywhere, he must have gone into another room. My movements are slow, and my steps are silent as I press my back against the wall that separates the kitchen from the living room. Inch by inch, I slide along it, peering into the living room over my shoulder. Kiriyama is sitting on the aging couch. He's staring at me. Our eyes are locked on one another and his say that he knew I wouldn't venture too far off.

He stands to his full height, and begins quick strides toward me. At first glance, he appears to be unarmed, but I know him better than that, and right now, neither of us have any idea what I'm about to do.

I keep my body still, he just keeps coming. "I want to talk." I try to sound stern but my voice is more or less just caught in my throat. _I don't understand my feelings for him, but I know I don't want to leave him. I want to try to get off this island together. That seems crazy and impossible and the idea of living with him in the real world seems even more so, but I really don't care. I want him. _

_I want to talk. _Kiriyama doesn't. His hand grips my throat and I swing the bucket into the side of his head so hard the sound bounced from wall to wall. Surprise fills his eyes and he falls to the floor. Long fingers wrap around my ankle, I shake him off and break for the door. This time, I don't fall down the steps.

_Talking might not be a possibility. He seems pretty intent on killing me at this point. _Wind catches in my dark hair as I sprint out into the woods. All around me, I can feel the air getting more and more heavy. A gun shot sounds from the distance. My entire body freezes up and I swing my head left to right frantically. _Where is that coming from? _Another. _No. A sharp sound fills my right ear as something flies past my face. _Hot crimson breaks through my stitching and drips down my cheek.

Mitsuko emerges from the trees, swaying her full hips as she walks toward me. "Nice outfit, fits you real well." she giggled. "I had no idea you were such a little cutie." her arm was extended out in front of her. In her hand, was a gun, aimed at me. The dark haired beauty looked me up and down as a sickening smirk caressed her ruby red lips, "Of course Mimura worked so hard to keep you all to himself. Too bad." she sighed. "You could have made me some money, now you're just going to die here. Such a waste."

Even though I'd just held Kiriyama at gunpoint, I was still afraid. My heartbeat resounded in my ears, loud and overwhelming. I could barely hear Mitsuko, all I could do, was stare down the barrel of her gun from the short distance I stood from her.

Her slender finger shifts slowly, giving the trigger a tight squeeze. The world goes white, it turns to bright flashes and loud ringing. My body smacks the ground, pain spreads through my rib cage as I choke on my own saliva. Two more gunshots are fired, Mitsuko disappears into the shadows of the woods. Her footsteps fade until they are no more.

_Did she shoot me? _No. Kiriyama is laying on top of me. His body covers mine completely. I roll onto my back, wincing as I stare up at him with dark, frightened eyes. "You saved me." I rasp.

His hand pushed my head to the side, his eyes are skimming over my split stitches. I can see in his face that he's irritated about it. "_Kiriyama." _I whisper. "I don't know exactly what you're thinking...you won't tell me….but….if you're willing to try…." he covers my mouth with his hand and shakes his head.

_I guess….I shouldn't be surprised. Kiriyama picks me up, but not in the romantic way a groom lifts his bride or a prince his princess, that's not his style. He hauls me over his shoulder like a dead deer and starts the commute back toward the house. I assume he's going to fix my stitches. I guess I'm grateful for that. Inside my chest, my heart is still pounding over a thousand miles an hour, I haven't quite come down from being shot at. _

_As he walks, I stare at the ground, watching his shoes as his feet move. I cast a glance to the right and my eyes widen ever so slightly. A boy was laid out on the ground. There seemed to be no rise or fall in his chest. Between his spread legs was a bloody hole. He'd met a rather uncomfortable end from the looks of it. I barely knew him, I think his name was Niida(Boy#16). He liked Chisuga(Girl#13), but so did a lot of other guys. _

The trip up the porch steps is a bumpy one. It hurts my stomach and when he opens the door, fear creeps into every last bit of me. The moments leading up to the last time he tended my wounds were agonizing and I wasn't looking forward to another round of it.

Kiriyama drops me in front of the sink and snaps his fingers. I let out a sigh of relief as I reach my hand out and twist the knob until the water is just a notch above a comfortable warm.

_**-Dead-**_

_**Boy #16**_

_**Girl #13**_

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hey there everyone! Thanks so much for reading. The last few chapters have got Kaoru pretty mixed up and so her thoughts, wants and ideas are also pretty mixed up. She doesn't know what she wants but she's certainly gonna toughen up in the next couple of chapters.


	8. Promise

_**Promise**_

_**Day two continued**_

_**5:30 PM**_

My hand slides down my right arm and cuffs my left wrist. The sky is dusted a soft purple color and I can see gentle glimmers of stars hidden behind nearly transparent clouds. Kazuo is down on his knees beside a dead Chigusa. It appears that she was shot, I think it was Mitsuko who did it. Strapped to the wild haired man's back is an automatic crossbow, which he took from Niida.

I shift my weight to one leg and bite my lower lip, "Kiriyama, I don't think she has anything on her. That duffle bag you found near Nidda was likely all she had."

Of course he ignores me, he's checking her yellow jumpsuit jacket with little to no regard for her modesty. A sweat towel flies through the air and lands at my feet. Slowly, I lean down and pick it up. He's found a pocket knife, and when he stands and walks toward me, I raise an eyebrow at him.

Kazuo's large hand takes mine and curls my fingers around the closed blade. "Thank you." I whisper softly, blushing as I stare down at it, still holding the towel in my free hand. _He's arming me, does that mean he does want to try? _

With a snap of his fingers, demanding that I follow, Kiriyama starts to walk back toward the woods.I kneel beside Chigusa and look her over. She'd always been a very pretty girl, but she was never cruel, like some of the others. She wasn't scary like Mitsuko and she wasn't one to pick on anyone smaller than her.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, as my fingers zip up her I go, I lay her towel across her face, and tuck the pocket knife into my back pocket. To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I cared about Chigusa more than the others I'd seen dead, or if I'd tended her corpse because I hadn't been present for the shooting. Perhaps if I hadn't been freaking out, I would have closed Yukiko's eyes, maybe I would have said a prayer for Yumiko. I know I would have before all this, I would have stopped at nothing to remember them when everyone else forgot, I'd like to that part of me is still intact, that I'm still half of a good person.

My dark eyes flutter closed and I bite my lower lip softly. _God, if you're there….please…- _A loud high pitched beeping breaks me from my thoughts. My eyes snap open and Kazuo grabs me up by my arm. "Is this a danger zone?" I quip, searching his face for answers as he drags me away from Chigusa.

I pull my arm free and break into a full sprint, "C'mon!" I yell, "We've gotta get out of here." Our collars are beeping, every second, I fear that my head will explode. My lungs burn, I'm running so fast, I feel like my legs might run right out from under me. _C'mon! C'mon! _My thoughts hiss. _This is my life. _That's what Noa said. She said I had to live. I told her I would, I can't break that promise!

Wind breaks against my face as I leap over a felled tree. On the way over, I twist my ankle and howl out in pain. The fall is hard and it thrusts my small body to the ground. Kiriyama grabs me up by my hair, a familiar feeling at this point. I can feel him shoving me forward, his hand constantly jabs me between my shoulder blades. "I'm going." I rasp as the ground falls out from under me.

A scream erupts from the back of my throat as I fall, I grab Kiriyama by his sleeve and bring him down with me. The commute down the hill is long, bumpy and painful. I think I actually heard Kiriyama grunt. I bring my hands up in front of my face and curl up into a ball, trying to make the trip a little less painful.

The beeping comes to a halt when I roll to a violent stop at the bottom of the hill. My chest is heaving as Kiriyama lands on top of me. He's heavy and his weight forces a wince from the depths of my throat. "Ouch." I murmur.

The dark eyed man turns his cold unforgiving gaze to my face as he covers over me on his hands and knees. "Don't be upset…" I try to reason with him. "The hill caught me off guard and the fall got us out of that danger zone."

He huffs and stands to his full height, I notice now that he's lost his bag of weapons. As I sit up, leaning back on my elbows, Kiriyama starts searching the area for what he's lost. I shift onto my hands and knees and hoist myself to my feet. A look around reveals that we're pretty close to the beach now. Just a few feet from the shore. It's a little cooler down here. The water washes up over the sand in restless waves. They all look red to me, the waves, everything about this island is washed in blood. I turn my back to the ocean and start searching through the course shrubbery. Unfortunately, there's nothing there. A few steps to the right and..."It's right here." I smile softly, grabbing the green bag up from beside the trunk of a dying tree.

Kazuo quickly takes it from me and hauls it over his shoulder. His eyes narrow and his fingers comb over my cheek. He's checking the stitches he'd just fixed up. "I'm okay, really."

The madman nods his head and his hand falls away from my face. A weird feeling washes over me, like deja'vu. _Just...his hand falling away from my face. _I shake it off as raindrops plop down on my head. _Oh lovely, and right after I just put on dry clothes. _"Kiriyama, it doesn't look like there's anyone around here, can we please find somewhere dry, please." Every fiber of me wished we'd just stayed in that house.

It seems Kazuo doesn't care one way or the other, and because he doesn't care, I am preparing myself for a hike in the rain. It doesn't take long for a drizzle to become a storm. It's pouring, the rain is cold and soaked into my clothes. My head feels foggy and my vision is blurry, I think I'm running a fever. This may have come from the swim I took in the ocean earlier. At least I know the gash in my cheek isn't infected. My legs feel like led, pins and needles prick at the back of my neck as a soreness slips into my joints.

Violent coughing burns my throat and breaks through my lips. My knees knock together and I collapse. I can feel him touching me, black is eating away at the corners of my vision. "Kiriyama." my voice catches in my throat and my world goes dark.

I awake to the distinct sound of a crackling fire. It's warmth washes over my face in a comforting glow. The ground beneath me is hard but smooth. Stone eroded by years of watered down sand coming and going. I'm laying in a cave on the beach. It's still raining outside, I can hear it rather clearly behind the crack of the fire. A small groan slips from my lips as I sit up. Something falls from my shoulder, I gather the article up in my hands. It's Kiriyama's black uniform jacket. My fingers move over the material, it's pretty much dry, and as I pull it close to me, I draw in a deep breath. The smell is an interesting one, well it smells like a great many things, actually, soap, sweat, rain, blood, and something else, something foreign. Whatever that something foreign is, I love it.

The tall male makes no noise as he strides back into the cave, in his hands, he's carrying a small stack of firewood. I turn my eyes up to his face, holding his jacket against me. "Thank you...for caring for me."

The fire wood makes a loud sound that echos off the cave walls as Kiriyama drops it and kneels beside me. His hand grips my hair by the bangs as he presses his lips to my forehead. For a moment, my heart is in my throat, but when he never purses his lips, I realize that he's just checking my temperature. The most accurate reading you'll get skin to skin is lips to forehead. _Oh. _

My eyes lid as he goes through his bag and hands me a cantine. His dark eyes are demanding that I drink it. The water rushes down my throat and it's warm and tasteless. It doesn't matter though, I can feel it willing away the dizziness.

Kiriyama sits beside the fire, his arm carelessly rested on one knee as he stares into the flames. "My family used to go camping…" I whisper softly. "I hated it."

He turns his cold eyes on my face, waiting for me to go on. "I didn't like the bugs or the lake...or the heat...the ghost stories...I never wanted to leave our cabin. Noa of course...wasn't ever afraid of anything, she liked camping...I just...this...kind of reminds me of camping."

The orange haired teen simply gives a curt nod and goes back to staring at the fire. "I wish you'd tell me about your family." my voice quips as I run my fingers over the jacket sprawled over my lap.

"Do they know you're here?" I murmur softly as I glance over at him.

Of course he doesn't answer. A small sigh slips past my lips and I lay down on my back, covering myself with his jacket as I gaze up at the cave ceiling. My fingers continue to roam over his jacket until I brush the tag that's sewn into the collar. Slowly, I shift into a sitting position and look down at the little label. _Azabu High School. _"You're from...Azabu...Kiriyama…" my voice catches in my throat. Azabu High School is the most prestigious prep school in all of Japan. It's very selective. Kiriyama...must be a genius.

_His family must not know where he is, an intelligent boy with an off the charts I.Q. He must be their treasure. They'd never let him go willingly. _"You...were...very accomplished before this...weren't you?" my voice is soft and I can't stop staring at the words sewn into the tag of his jacket.

A sharp breath slips through my lips as Kiriyama pulls the black jacket from my hands. Without casting a single glance in my direction, he slides it back on over his white blood stained shirt. _Maybe I'm wrong, maybe we have more in common than I thought. _I shift onto my side and crawl toward him, slowly, silently I lean up and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him close to me. "I know how lonely a big house can be." I whisper gingerly against his ear.

A pained wince breaks from my throat as his hand traps my throat in a vice grip. My back to the cave wall, he stares into my eyes. "Remember." He growls.

"What?" I gasp and his mouth claims mine. My eyes are wide, I'm searching his face, the cave, my mind, and his lips, they're becoming more urgent against my own. His touch his fire, the hand wrapped around my neck trails up to my cheek and his free hand finds it's way to the other side of my face, making it's way into my dark hair. His fingers tangle in the strands and I whimper as my eyes close. Something wet and warm rolls over my lower lip, for a moment it's like he's asking permission, but that's not his style. Kiriyama grips my hair in a handful, sharp pain pricks my scalp and my mouth drops open as I cry out. He invades my mouth the way an army does an enemy nation and he's taking no prisoners.

Small moans slip from my lips as his skilled tongue wraps around mine, feeling over my teeth. He's everywhere, no part of the wet cavern that is my mouth goes untouched. He breaks the kiss, a strand of saliva connects his tongue to my plump lower lip. Sharp breaths pass through my lips as my chest heaves up and down. My eyes search his onyx ones, they're beautiful and so hard to read. Kiriyama's hand jerks my head back as he presses hard, bruising kisses down the side of my neck. I can feel the marks forming over the tender artery that's pulsating beneath my skin.

My fingers move into the wild mess that his his hair. My teeth capture my lower lip, his hair is still pretty soft, it's just curly, I didn't really notice that before. The curls wrap around my fingers as his hot mouth works over my collar bone. Every touch hurts, he doesn't know how to be gentle. Every kiss is a bruise, he's leaving fingerprints all over my exposed thighs and it's the most amazing thing in the world because I don't care that it hurts.

His right hand moves to my left breast, he palms the flesh mound roughly through my shirt and I let out a quiet moan. "Kiriyama." my voice rasps as he attaches his mouth to my hardened nipple. My hands grip at his hair as he bites me tenderly through the fabric.

The glow of the fire dims ever so slightly as he guides my legs around his waist and lays me on my back. I keep my fingers tangled in his hair as his hand guides my top up until my breasts spill into the open. Heat rushes to my cheeks coloring them pink. I pull on his hair, bringing his lips back to mine, this time my tongue forces it's way into his mouth. He bites my lip a little too hard and busts it. His warm tongue tends the wound immediately, lapping the crimson liquid up with a hunger. As his tongue wraps around mine, filling my mouth with the taste of my own blood, his hands mull over my breasts with an unforgiving brutality, causing me to cry out into his vicious kiss.

He rolls my nipple between his thumb and forefinger as he drops a hand to my right thigh. I can't breathe, he's smothering me with his lips. My legs shift upward, bending at the knees as his fingers slide up the leg of my shorts. My hips buck upward as his fingertips probe beneath the white cloth of my panties.

Untangling my fingers from his hair, I shove his jacket off his shoulders and feel his lips form a smirk against my own.

Kiriyama leans back and pulls his jacket off the rest of the way as my fingers start to work the buttons on his shirt. It's not the first time he's been naked in front of me. But it's the first time I'm really looking. My eyes mull over his torso as it's exposed to me. Kiriyama has an athletic build. He's toned and lean. His hip bones are sharp and deep and they form a V that shows more and more the lower his slacks hang on his hips. Few scars mare his perfection and as my fingers move over each one, I feel his fingers wrap around my wrist.

A knot forms in my throat as he takes my hand and places it on the bulge forming in his slacks. My dark eyes meet his, I'm going to slow for his liking. His fingers knot in my hair and in one motion, he undoes his belt and frees his erection through the slit in his black pants. His member is thick, it makes my mouth feel small as he crams it down my throat.

For a moment, he holds my head in place. I can feel his eyes staring down at me the entire time. Slowly, he pulls back from my swollen lips, inch by saliva covered inch he exits my mouth and then slams back down my throat. Ugly sounds slip from my lips as I choke on his throbbing cock. Tears prick my eyes as he fucks my throat mercilessly.

There is no tenderness, nothing gentle or loving, Kiriyama doesn't know how to go slow or be gentle, he has only one pace and that's his own. His tip rams into the depths of my throat and my mind goes blank. _What exactly does he want me to remember? _

Kazuo pushes me to the cave floor and looks me over with ominous eyes. I look back at him, my exposed breasts heaved dramatically to match my labored breathing. Deft fingers force my shorts down to my knees as he rolls me over, pulling my hips back toward him as I support my weight on all fours. I feel trapped, my shorts leave me with little room to move my legs the way they're cuffed around my knees.

My eyes focus on the fire as Kazuo runs his fingers up my spine, violent shivers roll through my legs. Sweet moans break from my lips as he grips the back of my neck. "Please…" My voice cracks, "Tell me what you're thinking." I cry out as he rips his nails down my back and thrusts his throbbing cock into my dripping wet cunt.

There is no adjustment period, he fucks like he fights, wild and rough. His nails tear into my hips as he pounds me. Violent, shrieks of pain and pleasure rip through my lips as my vision blurs. If someone were nearby, they'd probably think I was being tortured.

His body leans over mine but his hips don't stop moving. Harder, faster with every thrust he hits me deeper and I scream louder. A rough hand feels across my bouncing titts, gripping them all at once, squeezing the two mounds of flesh together as he bites into my shoulder, breaking skin with his teeth.

I cry out, oh it hurts so good. Warm crimson runs from the bite as He twists me around, laying me on my back but keeping my legs together as he brings them up over his right shoulder. My hands reach for him, he catches one of them and his fingers lace with mine as he pins that hand above my head.

My mouth drops open and warmth pools in my belly. "Kiriyama!" his hand grips my jaw and he gives my face a hard squeeze. "Kazuo." I moan breathlessly. The moment I say his first name, he pulls out of me and yanks my shorts off the rest of the way. My panties were taken with them. He casts the jean shorts aside and guides my legs around his hips.

My back meets the cave wall, it hurts, the stone is grainy and sharp as he thrusts back inside me and slams his tongue down my throat. My moans are muffled by his hungry kisses until he starts trailing his starved mouth down the hollow of my throat. I fold my arms around his neck, letting my hands run through his messy hair as he nips at my collar bone.

Outside the rain continues to pour. It's coming down so heavy it looks like a waterfall veiling the entrance of the cave. Kazuo's hands slide down the curve of my waist as his teeth sink into my neck and his cock throbs hard inside of me. My nails tear across his shoulder blades and I cry out as he pulls his hips back and drops my naked body on the ground.

Small, pained winces escape my swollen lips as I roll onto my stomach, trying to ignore the sudden ache of every part of my body. I can hear him doing something behind me. In all honesty, I am somewhat eager to find out what. Kazuo grabs me up by a handful of my hair casts me back to the ground, this time, I'm laying on his jacket and not the stone floor of the cave. He spreads my legs wide and kneels between them. Rough hands run up my thighs as he sucks on a bite he made just moments ago, his mouth roaming over my shoulder. My mouth falls agape and strangled noises slip off my tongue. Fire burns in my throat, my breath is like sandpaper and my hands can't stop feeling over his arms, shoulders and back.

I feel so strange, like all of this is so new. But it's not new, it's not my first time, only it's completely different. Every bruise from Kazuo's fingertips was a kiss from Shinji's unpracticed lips. Every rough, violent thrust from the madman's hips was the tenderness of my ex boyfriend's lovemaking. It's hard to even view the two situations as the same act.

His hands grip the curve of my waist as I kiss him back with a fire. We're starved for each other, kisses turn to tongue and teeth. My nails tear across his shoulder blades as his fingers knot in my hair, strong arms pulling me closer, as if closer were even possible. I can feel him slamming into my womb, it's utterly painful and I cry out every single time without fail. It's like he's trying to climb inside me. Even though it hurts, the only words I can manage are "Don't stop!"

My mouth drops open as he swells inside of me, our eyes meet and his fingers wrap around my collar, I can feel his knuckles against the hollow of my throat. Kazuo keeps still, save for guiding my hand to his collar, I mimic him and wrap my fingers around it, though I don't know why.

For an instance, just a short moment, his lips move and it looks as if he's going to say something. I stare into his eyes, waiting, needing to know what it is. A new emotion runs through his cold black eyes, and I can't believe it. Hesitation. I've never seen him hesitate and now I'll spend the rest of my life no matter how short or long that is, wondering what he was going to say just now.

"Wh-what is it?" I squeak, my throat is dry and sore.

A sharp whimper jumps through my lips as he abruptly withdrawls from my body. "Kazuo." his hands roll me onto my stomach, pulling my hips upward so my weight is supported on my knees. "What are you doing?" I feel his swollen tip prodding me, only this time, it's not my entrance.

"Kazuo, no." My voice rasps as I fling my elbow back toward him only to have him catch my wrist. His grip tightens and the arm supporting most of my upper body stiffens. I bite my busted lower lip and tears prick the corners of my eyes.

_Ever since I started this game, I haven't been entirely myself. I've been even more of a wreck than usual. It's like I have no control, my body moves on it's own and as for Kiriyama, I want to be near him, I know that now. I cling to him mentally the way I did Noa. He's what I want to run toward when I'm afraid but he scares me too. My heads so messed up, I've killed someone and nothing makes any sense anymore. The worst part is, I don't know if it's the game or Kiriyama. I know it's wrong to kill, I know even if I get off this island, there's no going home, I know I should be fighting him off right now, he's disrespecting my wishes and it should matter, I know I should care about my body and the damage he's done but I don't. I just don't at this point, on this island, everything is do or die. It makes perfect sense, it's so simple, it all bubbles down to one simple word. Fight. So why can't I? Why can't I fight him? _

In one fluid motion, he fills me, anal is new to me, Shinji and I never even talked about it and oh my god it hurts. A strangled scream leaps from the depths of my throat as his hand grips my hair and jerks my head back. His hands roam over my body as he thrusts deep inside of me. Sharp nails drag claw marks down my sides and over my exposed breasts as he moves. It's so rough, I feel as if he's going to rip right through me. Long fingers dance over my clit as I feel his chest press against my sweat covered back. Small mewls drip like melted honey from my lips as his tongue slithers up my ear. My legs begin to shake as he throbs and I convulse violently. He meets my orgasm with two very insistent fingers. My mouth falls open but no sound comes out, I can't scream anymore, it hurts far too much. Violent tremors rage through my body and his hot seed fills me to the brim.

He slips out of me rather easily, I believe the mix of semen and possible blood helped with that. I roll onto my side, mouth agape ever so slightly as I look up at him. Kazuo stands to his full height and puts himself away, zipping his slacks back up. I sit up slowly, whimpering as I lean forward and grab his white shirt from the cave floor, dusting it off for him with my fingers. "Here…" I whisper. "I still don't understand…"

He snaps his fingers, pointing to the duffel bag rested near where I'd first woken up. I drop the shirt at his feet and crawl toward it, sharp pains prick my joints like pins every time I move. The zipper makes a loud noise as I drag it backward.

Inside the duffel bag, there are a great many things. Mostly weapons and bread. "Are you hungry?: my voice rasps as I glance back at him. He shakes his head as he pulls on his button up. I swallow the knot in my throat, "Do you want to kill me." he doesn't shake his head or nod. My heart skips a beat. "Is it…" I pull a book from the bottom of the duffel bag. It's leather bound and labeled with the word 'Fairy Tail'. I raise an eyebrow. I knew that the duffel bag was something he'd brought from home but I hadn't expected this. I run my fingers over the leather. I've seen this particular book somewhere. Yes, they're kept in hospitals for children, in place of newspapers or magazines.

There's something hidden between the pages, making the book bulk up a bit. I glance back at him once more, he's staring at me, telling me with his eyes to go on. I fumble with the little buckle and open the book slowly. As it falls open, it's hidden treasure is revealed. It's an iris. From the looks of it, it's been pressed between the pages of this book for quite awhile. My eyes scan the flower, I'm afraid that if I touch it, it will fall to pieces.

The flower is beautiful, it's petals are white but ugly black bleeds into them. As if someone spilled ink. A sharp gasp slips from my lips and I drop the book as my hands cover my mouth. "N-no." hot tears roll down my cheeks. "I...I broke my promise."


	9. Repressed

**Repressed**

_**Before the game**_

_We're driving home from Noa's funeral. I'm sitting between my mother and father in the back of one of our smaller limousines. The air is tense and rain beats down on the tinted windows as we roll down the street. Mother won't look at me, she stopped crying about it more than a week ago. Father is already on the phone with work. With Noa gone, the world will go on. That thought dawns on me and it unnerves me. It's the most unsettling thing I can think of. In the morning, father will go to work, Mother will make tea and I will be expected to write a book report. When I go back to our park, someone else will be on Noa's swing. Rain will wash her blood away from the black top near the basket ball court and Noa will be forgotten. Her existence will cease to matter. That is so messed up, a person's life should never just fade into nothingness. I bite my lower lip and make myself a silent promise, I will remember everyone who leaves. _

_My eyes shift toward my mother, she's staring out the window, just watching the rain as falls down. Father is talking, it's loud and it has something to do with a juncture. I can't bring myself to pay attention. The sound of tires screeching against wet pavement fills the air and my hands fly up over my ears as our entire car jolts. My father's arm flies out in front of me as he hangs up his phone and begins hollering at our driver through the closed sliding window. "What the hell?" he snaps._

_He opens the window, the airbags are deployed and Tecketchi our 55 year old driver of twenty years doesn't respond. "What on-" my father goes quiet. _

"_Father." I squeak. _

"_Children are better seen and not heard." My mother finally speaks as my father opens his car door. _

"_Satomi, get Kaoru out of the car...now." Father demands and mother complies, dragging me out the door with her. I look toward the front of our car, we've smashed into the side of another limousine. The impact area is totaled along with the front of our vehicle. _

"_Stay calm." My father states as he dials for help. _

_A man and woman, step out of the other car. They look to be about the same age as my parents. Hot tears roll down the woman's face and they rain does not hide them. She is in a panic, her voice is strangled "My son!" she screams, "My son!" violent sobs break her voice as her husband turns his eyes on us. _

_I stand very still, taking in the situation. My father walks toward the other family, with absolutely no hesitation. How can he be so calm? His daughter just died, can he not see how we may have hurt this family? _

_Rain soaks into my clothing, and sirens fill the air as an ambulance comes to a halt behind our car. Two police cars pull up along with it and I find myself clinging to the black silk of my mother's Kimono. She quickly shakes me off her arm and walks toward the paramedic removing Tecketchi from the driver's seat. _

_A gasp slips from my lips and I cover my mouth. Tacketchi's face is a mess, his nose is smashed to the side, his eye is swollen shut and blood stains his wrinkled chin. _"Is he gonna be okay?" I ask through shaking lips as a paramedic walks past me.

He simply looks down at me with eyes that harbor nothing but grim news. I shift around to the other side of our car so I am out of the way. Behind me, I can hear another pair of paramedics talking to the other family about their son. "It doesn't look good." One man says softly. "We will of course, do all we can."

"Please save my son." the woman squeaks.

My eyes focus on the gurney their son is rested on. Half his head it split open and his dark eyes are cloudy. My legs tremble as I walk toward them. I want to know his name, I want to remember him after he's gone. My family did this, we should know what we did, who we hurt, who we potentially took from this world.

"Excuse me." My voice is soft. My mother grabs me by the arm. "Please, let me go." I chirp.

"What are you trying to do?" My mother snaps.

"I want to know his name." I state quietly.

"His name is none of your concern, this wreck is going to cost our family a lot of money and your father doesn't need you offending the parents-"

"Money…." my voice is hollow. "Their son may die! The very least we can do is remember his name!" I shoot back as I pull my arm from her grip. The boy is being moved toward the ambulance, in order to get there, he has to be rolled past me. His mother is walking on weak legs beside the gurney as it's moved. She's singing a song, trying to pacify her son who isn't moving.

"Kaoru if you try anything-"

I rush around my mother and run toward the gurney, "What's his name?" it comes out desperate. The woman looks up, her song stops and our eyes meet. My hands grip the guard rail of the gurney and I move my legs, keeping up with it's movement. "Please, I want to remember him."

"Excuse me?" her voice rasps.

"Please." I feel tears bubbling up to my eyes. A loud shriek erupts from my lips as the boy who had been so still abruptly placed his bloody hand on my face. As he was moved, his fingers dragged and he left me covered in crimson.

My lips quivered as my mother grabbed me around my waist, dragging me backward, "I apologize for her behavior."

"Please Miss!" I cry out.

"K-Kazuo." His mother rasps. "His name is….Kiriyama, Kazuo."

* * *

"It is very kind of you to visit the young man, Kaoru." Sakura, my tutor and sometimes friend smiles as she walks by my side through the hospital halls.

"I just, wanted to apologize." In my hands, I hold a small clear vase with an iris rested inside. "It's, the very least I can do."

"Just remember, young miss, your mother did not approve of this and absolutely cannot know that we visited the hospital instead of the park today." Sakura reminds me softly.

"Of course, I promise, I won't let you get in trouble for this. Thank you so much for taking me." I say sweetly as we stop outside his room. Inside, I can hear a doctor speaking with Mrs. Kiriyama.

"The good news, your son will live." his voice is stern. "The bad news, his entire limbic system is destroyed."

"What does-"

"The limbic system involves several of the brain's most vital structures but it deals mostly in the processing of emotion."

"That's so awful." her voice cracked. "Isn't there anything you can do?"

"I am terribly sorry, Miss, but he's alive. We've done all we can." The sound of paper being moved fills the air. "Now, we think it will be best to keep him for at least six weeks, given the nature of his wounds, It would be wise to keep him under constant watch, in case of internal bleeding and other dangerous prospects."

"I understand." Her's was the voice of a woman who had suffered far too much. She was close to breaking.

"There will be some paperwork for you to fill out at the front desk once you decide to take your leave." The door opens and the man looks back, "There is a young girl here to see you, Mrs. Kiriyama."

"Please, come in." She wipes her eyes and looks me over as the door closes behind me. Sakura stays in the hall.

"That is a very pretty flower, dear. Thank you." she doesn't blame me for what happened. I am grateful for that. My hands shake as I place the vase on his nightstand, beside a leather bound book, labeled, Fairytail.

Kazuo looks small, he's covered up with a white sheet and half of his head is shaved and wrapped in bandages. Long black hair fans out over the pillows on the other side. He is very still, his breathing is slow.

"He would be so angry if he could see his hair right now." Mrs. Kiriyama croaks. "Always so adamant about it being symmetrical. Having one side…" her fingers touch the bandages gently. "Forgive me, dear. I am so glad you-"

"Please!" I whisper. "Don't apologize, I...I can't even imagine how this feels. "

"I know you just lost your sister, Ms. Kenta. It was all over the news two days after it happened" her eyes are focused on her son the entire time. "The accident was an accident. My baby boy is coming home, your poor Noa never did."

"Thank you so much for saying her name." I bite my lower lip softly. "It's kind of become a curse word in my home."

"That's….unhealthy." Mrs. Kiriyama whispered as her hand cupped her son's cheek.

She's a beautiful woman, with a slender frame and curly hair.

"Is he really going to be okay?" my voice is soft.

"The doctor says so." a silent tear rolls down her cheek. "But, his brain...won't be."

"I heard some of that…" I admit gently. "What does that even mean?"

"It means, he won't feel emotion...the way normal people do."

"Oh…"

"I'm just...so happy he's alive." her smile was warm and motherly.

"I should go...I feel wrong...staying." I whisper.

"I don't want you to feel that way, dear, but I understand. Please, come and see us again sometime."

"I will, goodbye, Kazuo." I gently rest my hand on top of his. "Please feel better soon." as I pull my hand back, I see his fingers wiggle, just a little bit. His mother jumps to her feet, the bed shifts slightly and bumps the night stand. The vase I'd placed there, falls on it's side along with a small container of black ink.

My hands quickly work to set things back the way they were but the ink has already dyed some of the iris' white petals black. "I'm so sorry!" I squeak.

"No dear, it's my fault." Mrs. Kiriyama starts to wipe up the ink as I place the flower back in the vase. "That was the first time he's moved in three days and I got so excited."

"Why was there a-"

"Kazuo enjoys calligraphy, I thought it would be something for him to dabble in when he woke up." She explains softly.

"I can bring another-" She cuts me off.

"He will appreciate this one." she places her hand on my head. "Because you cared enough to bring it. Head on home, dear. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"Thank you, Mrs. Kiriyama, for being so kind and understanding." I turn my eyes back to the wounded boy in the hospital bed. "I can't wait to meet you officially, Kazuo." Whether he lived or died, I'd remember his name. That was one promise, I was never going to break.

* * *

My chest is heavy, and my breath feels like sandpaper in my throat. I can feel gloved fingers prodding my mouth open followed by the careful placement of a thermometer. I'm dizzy, everything is spinning and the lights are so bright. Everything hurts, I'm warm and freezing cold all at once. "104" A male voice states sternly as the thermometer is pulled from my lips.

"Stay awake, Kaoru." I can hear my dad. "Stay awake for us." he's touching my hair. Mother isn't here. I know that. "Kaoru, not again."

_Again? Yes, that's right, I'm sick all the time. I've always had a rather frail constitution. It's been awhile since it's been this bad. Since a hospital was needed. _My heads going numb and black is eating away at the corners of my vision. That same greedy darkness is tearing holes in my mind. Things that come naturally are disappearing. I can't find them anymore. No. No. There are things I need to...hold on to.

"Kaoru, please." my father begs. "Stay awake."

"Daddy." my voice rasps weakly, "I can't."

* * *

For two months, I lay in a hospital bed. My mind is completely lost to the world around me and my consciousness is void. During that time, I lost the last few weeks of my memory. Well, that's what the doctors said anyway. They said it may or may not ever come back, all I know is, the last thing I remember is Noa's funeral.

It's my first day home from the hospital. Sakura says there's no need to jump back into lessons just yet. I'm seated in the living room, wearing a light blue kimono as I sip delicately at a warm cup of television is on but I am barely paying attention, my head is still pounding.

The reporter on screen is talking about a young boy with a head injury. Apparently he's awake and being talked to by a bunch of psychologists. That doesn't sound like something anyone would want to wake up to. My eyes shift toward his picture as it appears in the corner of the screen. Suddenly the screen goes black and I glance over my shoulder.

My father is holding the remote, "This isn't the best way to spend your first day back. I thought we could all go out for dinner, would you like that?"

"I...I'm not sure I could stomach anything big." I answer softly, my voice cracks repeatedly.

"I understand." his palm lays flat against my forehead. "Have a bath and then get some more sleep."

"Okay." I nod my head slowly.

"Good girl."


	10. Dark

_**Dark**_

_**Day two continued**_

_**9:45 PM **_

The crackle of the fire is the only sound. For a full five minutes now, my eyes have been fixated on the deformed flower in front of me. "I…." my voice catches in my sore throat. "I didn't mean to break my promise. I didn't mean to forget you." every word is the truth. "Kazuo, you have to understand." my eyes flutter closed as I visualize the crash. "When I heard you survived that crash….it was the first happy news since...since Noa died...you...were...my smile…"

His hand caught a handful of my hair and pulled me to my feet. I feel him drop my shirt around my neck. I slid my arms into the proper holes and tug the blue polo down over my bruised stomach. "There are so many things I want to ask you, I wish you would answer me."

Kiriyama moves around me and closes the flower back up in the book. I finish redressing, and kneel down to lace up my tennis shoes. "There's no way this is coincidence." I whisper. He shakes his head, sitting down in front of me as our eyes meet.

"You weren't forced here like the rest of us?"

He shakes his head. No.

"Did you….did you...sign up...somehow?"

He nods. Yes.

"You knew I was in class B."

His answer is a silent nod. I bite my lower lip and press on, yes or no questions. That was the best way to go about this. "D-did you ever try to see me...before this?" the question slips from my lips in a soft rasp.

His eyes are intense as they stare into mine. My heart starts to race as he nods his head. _Why couldn't you? _Was all I wanted to ask. _Why couldn't we have this...for lack of a better word...conversation...earlier? _It wasn't hard to believe that he was able to locate me once he decided he wanted to. I would have likely just started attending public school and my family's name is well known. "Was it just the flower?" I ask softly, "Is that what made you...want to-" he's already shaking his head. He never saw me, so what was it? He leans forward, and brushes the hollow of my throat with two fingers. My eyes continue to search his. "My throat?" I ask gently and he trails his fingers up to my lips. "My voice." I whisper breathlessly.

He didn't need to see me to hear me. From my lips, his fingers slide over, catching my tears as his gaze holds mine. "My tears." My voice catches.

"You've kept me safe." I whisper as my fingers move into his wild hair. "You've kept me healthy, you came to this hellish island...to find me…" his eyes tell me that I'm slightly off. I tip my head to the side and bite my lower lip, it hurts and I whimper. "You really...can't feel it can you? Remorse…"

He shakes his head. "Did you really want to be here?" he tips my chin up with his fingers and nods. He wants to make sure I understand. "So why? Why are you so fixated on me? On a memory?"

"Snatch the sun from the sky…" He whispers. His voice is a rasp. "Humanity will always remember it's last day in the light."

My dark eyes lid as I gaze up at him. _He can't feel anything anymore...but he remembers feeling...and he cherishes it...am I the last thing he felt? Am I the sun? _With his jacket back on, and his hand around my wrist, he turns his head toward the cave entrance. I feel his thumb slide over, he's checking my pulse. "I think I'll be okay." a small cough burns my throat. "I just needed to rest outside of the rain for awhile."

He lays his lips against my forehead. He must think my fever has gone down because we're leaving the cave now. Heavy rain has turns to a drizzle. It feels cool against my hot skin. Kazuo is leading me back into the woods. My head is spinning with all the information that has so suddenly been thrown my way.

_He's incredible. He makes me want to be stronger, better. I want to protect him. He makes me feel alive, he gives me purpose. Looking back on it, Kazuo may have been the one and only person I blatantly disobeyed my mother for. She'd made it very clear that I was under no circumstances to ask his name, I wasn't supposed to visit him in the hospital, I disobeyed her at every turn for him. I took a stand, and all for a strange boy I didn't even know. Nothing ever felt more right. I feel myself beside him. I always thought myself an extension of my twin, my personality a perfect opposite to her's. A parallel. Beside him, I am Kaoru. Not part of Noa. He makes me fearless, he makes me...real. _

I lunge forward and wrap my arms around his waist from behind. He stiffens, I don't think he was expecting it. "I'm not going anywhere!" I whimper into his back. My fingers grip at his shirt. "I'll keep my promise...no matter what that means...all I know is….I was afraid of my own shadow...all my life…I've been so afraid of everything….and then Noa died...and...it only got worse." tears have finally stopped rolling down my cheeks. "And I'm still scared, I'm still a coward." my knees knock together but I don't let him go. "But right now...I can't imagine anything scarier than surviving this and...never feeling ever again...the way I do when you're beside me, Kazuo."

Kazuo wraps his long fingers around my arm, pulling me around to his front. I feel him shove me between my shoulder blades and I stumble forward. He grips the back of my shirt, giving me seconds to regain my balance. I glance back over my shoulder as I plant my feet firmly on the ground and for a second, I think I see a smile. Just a small twitch of his lips.

It's dark, and the island is quiet. We're a ways away from the beach but I can still hear the waves crashing against the cliff sides. When I look up at the sky, all I see are stars. Bright, beautiful stars, the likes of which I'd never be able to see back home. There really is a silver lining in everything. I follow Kazuo up a hill, just up ahead there is a small house. It's got a porch and is built entirely from what looks like cedar. Kazuo stops dead in his tracks and as I go to walk past him, her throws an arm out in front of my chest. A silent way of telling me to stop.

My eyes narrow as I look down at the ground. _A wire? Weird. _Kiriyama places a hand over my mouth and points toward the tree branch that stretches out over the yard. The wire connects to several tin cans. They're spread out all over the place. _Woah, that's a really good idea. _

I glance toward the man beside me, he's grinning. There's an energy in his eyes. I raise an eyebrow. He forces me down to my knees with a rough push and makes a 'stay' motion with his hand. I nod slowly, I'm not entirely sure what he's doing. I stay still and watch as he maneuvers over the thin wires only visibly when correctly caught in the moonlight.

The grass shifts slightly beneath me as I settle into my spot. My eyes focus on the window positioned in the side of the house. I fold my hands in my lap and watch shadows cross the wall inside. My head lulls to the side and my eyes widen a bit. _Noriko. _She's alive! I jump to my feet, my stomach does a happy flip.

A hand comes down over my mouth and I squeal into his dirty palm. My legs flail and I thrash. A solid arm wraps around my waist and lifts my feet completely off the ground. A clanging fills the air and my eyes go wide. The door swings open and a loud gunshot fires, it pierces the night and shatters my world. _No...Kazuo...where are you? _My heart beat rings in my ears as I slam my elbow back into my captor's stomach.

"No." my lips quiver as I fall to my hands and knees, scrambling back up the hillside. "No. No. No. No. No." Everything is spinning, my body isn't responding to my brain. A pair of arms wrap around my shoulders, picking me back up. "Did he get shot?" I cry.

"If we're lucky." I know that voice. "Calm down, Kenta, please." he's nervous. Seto?

"Why are you doing this?" I snap as I continue fighting against his hold.

"Shinji asked me to find you! He's been worried about you. He wants me to take you to where he is."

"I can't do that. Let me go." a grunt slips from my lips as his grip tightens. My eyes are searching the night frantically for any sign of Kazuo. Every second that passes leaves my heart racing just a little bit faster.

"I don't care what you want!" He's been crying, his voice is cracking and he makes it very clear that he didn't want to come looking for me. "I've never cared what you wanted and it feels so good to finally say that! We could all die in less than twenty-four hours!"

I can't see the house anymore, I can't hear the tin cans clanging together. The only sound is the wind. "Seto listen to me-"

"No! For once in your life stop being so damn selfish! I'm bringing you back to him because he's my friend and he asked me to, you don't deserve him!" his breathing is getting shallow. He's not all that strong but I still can't wiggle my way free.

"Seto!"

"THINK OF HIM FOR ONCE WOULD YOU!"

"Don't start this!" I snap as I trash, kicking my legs and wiggling my shoulders until he drops me on the ground.

"I'm taking you back to Shinji no matter what you say or do, Kenta. It's all he's asked of me and I'm gonna do something right before I die." His round face is covered in sweat, his eyes are sad and I can see that he's determined, even through all his wheezing. "I don't want to spend ten seconds with you after what you did to my best friend."

"Then don't!" I struggle to my feet and produce Chigusa's pocket knife from my pocket. "I-I don't intend to speak with Mimura tonight. There's someone else I need to see to. So please, Seto, just go!" my voice trembled with the fear that Kazuo might be dead. "Tell him you never found me."

"You don't understand, Kenta. I...I can't fail this time." his voice quivers.

My fingers shake around the hilt of my blade. "I don't want to hurt you, Seto, but I will." I really don't want to hurt him, If I killed him, it would just be one more awful thing I did to Mimura.

"How are you not-" he draws in a long breath. "Happy? You were always so...I'm here to save you!"

"I don't need any saving, Seto." I hiss through my teeth as I glance back over my shoulder.

"Have you lost your-" a familiar beeping fills the air. _Our collars? No. Not again! _Seto grabs my arm and starts a pathetic, unpracticed run into the nearest thicket of trees. My fingers work my knife back into the pocket of my shorts as I rush ahead of him.

Seto was never athletic. I have no issue staying ahead of him but I don't want him to die. "COME ON!" I throw my hand back for him. "THIS IS YOUR LIFE!" I scream as his fingers lock with mine. "FIGHT FOR IT!" The beeping is getting higher pitched and as I leap over a raised root, Seto's hand slips from mine.

I fall back and snatch him by the tie, jerking him up off the ground. "GO!" I shout throwing him in front of me with all the force I have. He rolls to safety head over feet. My feet slide across the dirt and I wind up right beside him. The beeping stops and I groan. Those danger zones could be a real pain.

"You saved my life." Seto whispers as he hauls himself upward panting.

"You…" I rasp, "Are very welcome. Repay me by leaving me be. Tell Mimura you never found me." I Stare back in the direction of the zone we'd just escaped. I'd need to find a way around it in order to find Kazuo….or his body. That thought is a crippling one. _Could he really be dead?_

Something smacks me hard in the back of the head. The corners of my vision blacken. Iron fills my mouth to the brim and pennies are all I can smell. _What is...going on? _


	11. Tremble

_**Tremble**_

_**Day Three**_

_**1:00 Am **_

A stir of echos. A shooting pain in my brain. Warmth. The inside of my mouth still tastes like copper. There's something scratching against my throat. _Where am I? Kazuo? What happened? _

A small whimper slips from my trembling lips as my aching hands move toward my face, to rub my eyes. My head is pounding, it only gets worse when I start to blink my vision into focus. There's a busted light hanging above my head. The room is dimly lit and I'm laying on a desk. Draped over me is a jacket. It's tan. One of ours. Cologne. E&amp;J Nirvana Black...it's Shinji's jacket.

A slew of voices breaks me from my thoughts. "I didn't want to hurt her, Shinji." Seto mumbles shyly. "She was really freaking out. I think that exchange student messed her up pretty bad...you saw the marks...she pulled a knife on me and everything...she must have been scared."

"Thank you for bringing her back here, Seto." Shinji places a hand on Seto's shoulder and sighs, "Grab a drink of water. You sound dehydrated."

"Mimura." I rasp, reaching my hand out toward where his voice is coming from. Footsteps echo off the floor as he advances toward me.

"Kaoru." his hands gently comb over my cheeks. "You have no idea how glad I am that you're awake."

I jolt upward accidentally smacking my nose into his. "Ouch." he mumbles softly, as his hands fall to my shoulders. "Kaoru-"

"What time is it? Was there an announcement? Who's dead?" I can feel that my nose is bleeding but I don't care. My words are frantic and my eyes are all over the room.

"Hey, you're safe now. Stay calm" I can feel his eyes searching my face.

"Please...just...tell me who's dead." my voice shakes a bit. My ex-boyfriend lifts the sleeve of his school jacket and gently wipes the blood away from beneath my nose.

"It's just after one-O'clock in the morning. The most recent announcement was at midnight. The only name was Toshinori, Oda(Boy#4)." Shinji explains softly. I bite my lower lip and breathe in a sigh of relief. Kazuo is still alive.

"Kaoru, what the hell happened to you?" he lifts my chin so I have to look him in the eye. "My number is nineteen. Your's is eighteen. I left that building just seconds after you, I looked for you. Where did you run off to so fast?"

"Ryuhei grabbed me up the moment I got outside, Mimura." I respond quietly, jerking my head to the side. "What is this?" I ask sliding my fingers over my throat where something is brushing against my neck.

"It's just tissue." He offers me a small, charming smile.

"Tissue?"

"You didn't figure it out then." he takes a seat on the ledge of the desk, beside my legs. "There's a microphone inside the collar. We've been using the tissue as a means to muffle our voices."

"Smart." I mumble feeling my brain pound against my skull.

"You know it." He smirks. Even now, he's so cool.

I turn my eyes toward his face once more. "Are you going to let me stand?"

He shakes his head. "No, not just yet. I want to check you over. Make sure nothing is infected, we've got some peroxide to clean out wounds."

"Y-you didn't do that while I was…" my voice trails off.

"No, you know me a little better than that, I'm not going to undress you without your consent."

"...but you're going to talk my consent out of me...because you're concerned."

Again, he just offers me his signature smirk.

I draw in a deep breath. Fighting with Mimura is hard. It's the reason I avoided him altogether. "Kaoru, would you please let me check you over?"

"...Yeah." I glance down at his hand where it's now rested on his knee. "Just...know that it doesn't hurt as much as it looks like it does." I lie. My entire body aches and burns.

Seto wanders back from getting his drink of water one room over. "Shinji is there anything else we need?"

"Check the list." the spiky haired male snaps his fingers and points toward a computer placed a stand adjacent from us. "I've stricken what we've gathered out."

"O-okay." the nervous boy mutters as he saunters over.

"The list?" I ask looking into my ex's eyes.

"I'll explain it to you in a bit." He looks toward Seto. "Got it?" Shinji asks softly.

Seto nods his round head and smiles, "You can count on me."

I shift toward the side, "What are we looking for?" my legs slide over the edge and I move to stand. "I'll go with hi-" pain shoots through my right calf and I fall forward. Shinji catches me effortlessly and shakes his head.

"I think not." The basketball player muses. "I know you can do it, Seto. Come back safe."

Seto leaves and we're alone. The room is silent as Shinji scoops me up bridal style and places me back on the desk. "Arms up." It's a simple command. I obey, raising my arms above my head.

His fingers brush my skin as he pulls my shirt up over my head. A shudder wracks my body as my breasts spill into the open. The blue polo is now a crumpled mess, balled up in Mimura's hand. He's staring, I don't blame him. I know it looks bad. The bruises and bitemarks, all the dried blood. His eye movements are slow as they roll over my battered torso, he doesn't know where to look.

"Kaoru." he's breathless.

"I told you, it's not as bad as it looks."

Mimura is shaking, the vains in his hand bulge, chasing up his arms as he grits his teeth. "Seto….said….the exchange student…"

"Mimura." I reach out and cover his shaking hand with my own. "Calm down."

"What kind of monster could…" he snaps.

"No." I squeak. "Look you've got it wrong."

"Kaoru, did he just torture you for the last twenty-four hours?" he drops my shirt and his hands grip my shoulders. I cry out as his fingers press into a bite. Shinji jumps back, his hands fly up and he shakes his head, "I'm so sorry, Kaoru, I didn't mean to."

"It's okay." My voice quips.

"Turn around." he whispers. He sounds unsure, like he doesn't know if he wants to see anymore.

Slowly, I twist my body around, climbing up onto the desk, sitting on my knees. I hear him gasp. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how my back looks. I know that Kazuo scratched it up with his nails...I know the cave wall also did some damage. I bite my lower lip. _I don't know what to say. If I tell him the truth...will I have to fight him? I really don't want to fight him. _

There's a long pause. An unsettling silence. Shinji takes a step forward. I can feel him behind me now. It's painful. It reminds me of the swingset. How he'd stay behind me when I cried. "It's so difficult...to respect your wishes." he whispers against the shell of my ear. "To see all those gashes and not kiss each one."

"Does anything look infected?" I squeak nervously.

He draws in a shallow breath, "We should clean everything out. To be safe."

Another sullen silence. "Is there any need for me to ask you to take off those shorts?"

I shake my head. "No, all good there…" it's a rasp and I don't look back at him.

"Stay still." I can hear his footsteps as he walks across the room. "This isn't going to feel good but that's a small price to pay."

"I-it's okay, really." I respond sweetly. "After the last couple of days...I'm used to...a little pain."

"Please...don't say that." He's behind me again. The sound of his shirt sleeve being ripped fills the air and I take in an easy breath.

He soaks the scrap of cloth in peroxide and presses it to my skin. I whimper, the cleaner seeps into my wounds and spreads like fire. Tears prick the corners of my eyes without my permission. It's a natural reflex, I'm not crying just yet. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." I squeak, "I'm fine, just keep going."

He moves the makeshift rag over the bite mark on my shoulder. I hiss through my teeth. That one actually hurts. "I...swear...I'll wash every trace of him from your body….these marks will fade. You will feel safe again."

A warm tear slips down my cheek. I am such a terrible person. I wince as he glides the wet cloth down my spine, dancing over the gashes the cave wall left in my skin. The peroxide is setting in, everything burns and I really need to take my mind off the pain now. "Tell me...about.." I whimper, "The list."

"Right." he sounds as though he'd almost forgotten. "The tissue should do the trick but hold your mic just to be safe."

My hand wraps around the front of my collar, gripping it gently. "Alright." My dark eyes focus on the wall in front of me.

"I have a plan, Kaoru." he says softly. "You remember my uncle, don't you?"

I nod my head in quiet response. "He taught me...a lot of things that they don't teach you in school. All I need now is for Seto to come back with the finishing touches and...I can save us."

My eyes go wide and I twist myself around, looking into his eyes. We mirror one another, holding our collars. "You mean it?"

He nods his head, "I do. We're going to make sure this never happens again."

"But the collars-"

"I can take care of the collars...the danger zones...they're just computers, Kaoru."

"How will we get off the island-"

"There's a boat...after I blow their watch tower to bits, we just have to dismantle the collars and get to it."

My eyes lid. All the information he's just given me is circulating through the deepest darkest parts of my brain. _We're saved...but how can I save Kazuo? No one is going to trust him on the boat...he's killed too many people. I won't leave him here. I can't. _"That is...wonderful news." I whisper, wincing a bit as my wounds burn. My hand reaches out and takes the rag from his. "I can reach the rest myself. Thank you, Mimura. For everything."

His eyebrows knit together and he takes a seat on the desk by my side. Our legs hang off the edge, just dangling above the floor. "Kaoru, after everything that has happened in the last couple of days, how close I've come to never seeing you again, I really do need to know...what happened that night?"

A small murmur slips from my lips as I cup my left breast in my right hand, there's a bite mark laid into the tender flesh and due to it's rather open nature, it too would need cleaning. "You really want to know?" my voice is a soft, sweet rasp as I grab up a ruler from behind us. I can see where Shinji has marked it with a blue pen. My teeth clamp down on the ruler and I pour a little more peroxide into the scrap of shirt.

He doesn't even grace me with an answer. It's an answer I know all too well. Of course. Of course he wants to know. I bite down into the ruler as I dab the wet cloth into the bite. This one hurts more than most of the others. "I'm just messed up." I hiss around the ruler. With a small whimper, I drop the ruler back on the desk, it lands with a soft 'clank'. "My sister died, I got really sick and my father sent me to public school in hopes that I'd make friends to replace Noa. That's exactly how my mother saw it too. Any time I smiled, she saw it as a disrespect to my dead sister. I wasn't allowed to be happy, Mimura." my voice catches and I realize that it's all coming out for real this time. "Please, don't ever think you weren't the happiest part of my life."

"If that's true then why did you-" I cut him off.

"I felt guilty. Everytime you kissed me, made me laugh...when we.." my voice trails off. "I'd think about my mother and how she'd react and I would feel….so wrong. Like Noa was watching from a lonely corner. Like moving on meant forgetting about my twin. My mother never stopped reminding me that it should have been me and not Noa...and she's right. One of us would have contributed to society a great deal more than the other. In her eyes, I am a waste of space, I hold everyone around me back, including you. My mother said the only self worth I possessed was my relationship with you, and Mimura….I believed her."

"Kaoru." he whispers.

"What good would I have been to anyone like that? To you? Noriko or myself? My head was so full of my mother's….bullshit…" it's the first time in my life that a curse word has slipped from my lips. "I couldn't think of anything to love about myself. Relationships are supposed to help you grow, I was completely stagnant, and as long as I stayed with you….I was going to stay like that. I needed to figure myself out...that's why….I left you." I finally turn to look at his face. "I was just too ignorant and scared to talk to you about it before...so I avoided you. I'm...so sorry."

He's silent for a short moment. Like he's taking everything in. "You need to get over Noa." He snaps.

"Excuse me?" I rasp, staring at him with wide eyes.

"I don't care that you left me, I care that you let that awful, heartless woman make you think that about yourself!" I can see his jaw clench. He won't look at me. "You want to know something about your twin?" his head snaps to the side and his eyes finally meet mine. He's not sad, he's just pissed.

"Mimura-"

"No, Kaoru, I listened and now it's your turn so shut up for five seconds." I've never heard his voice like this before. "If you had been killed that day, you would both be dead! Your sister was one of the most unstable, suicidal people I have ever met."

I shake my head slowly, no. No that can't be. "This isn't a joke." I snap.

"I told you to listen." He retorts quickly. "All that pressure from your mother, always having to be the perfect one, always having to save face, all that unwavering attention, it was killing her inside. Do you understand me?"

"How would you know?" I shove him with my shaking hands. He doesn't move far, he's solid. His hands catch my wrists. "How would you know anything about her?" my tone is demanding.

"Your family had a fundraiser a couple years back. My uncle took me along because he thought I would enjoy the company. I watched Noa perform, she sang a song. I believe it was called, Cry. I remember seeing you, hidden behind your father's leg."

"You'd better make your point right now, Mimura!" I shout as my heart starts to race.

"After dinner, I was coming back from the bathroom, I heard a sound, someone crying. I found Noa in a closet. I asked her what was wrong, she broke down, she told me everything. She kept saying if you weren't around to make her laugh with your songs and silly faces that she'd just end it all. Your sister was incredible, Kaoru but she couldn't have lived her life without you."

Hot tears bubble up to the corners of my eyes.

"Even if you never think of me again, remember that. Remember how much your perfect sister needed you. That she would have given up without you, Kaoru. You gave her hope. There's nothing more special or powerful then that. Don't you ever question yourself worth again, you are strong and capable. You think that because you're afraid you're not brave, Kaoru, bravery isn't fearlessness. It's being fucking terrified and running in head first anyway."

"Mimura, I-" my voice cracks. "I-"

"You need to see yourself through someone else's eyes, someone besides your mother." he places a hand on the back of my neck and looks my face over with intense chestnut brown eyes. "Look me in the eye, look at your reflection and tell me that girl is not worth while."

Tears roll silently down my cheeks as I stare into his eyes, in them I can see so many things. The girl I used to be. _The girl I wanted to be. The happy girl. The one who cheered her boyfriend on during his basketball games. The girl who blushed when Shinji jumped into the shower with her after her first time. The normal girl. The future we had together. My perfect future. _

_There's an open kitchen, with windows that let sunlight in from every direction. I'm wearing an apron, it's ruffled and pink. Like the one my mother used to wear when she baked cookies, before she stopped smiling. My hair has grown out, it's pulled back into a ponytail, held in place with Noa's blue bow. _

_My fingers are working pink and green dango onto a slender stick. A small child is pulling at my sleeve. His cheeks are round, and his dark hair spikes up like his father's. A strong arm wraps around my waist. My husband presses a warm kiss to my cheek. Cradled in his free arm is a little infant girl. She's wrapped up in pink and white. She's asleep. I turn my head into my lover's kiss. Shinji smiles at me, the same confident breath taking smile that stole my heart away years ago. _

_The sunlight fades, the room dims and my son stops pulling on me sleeve. Shinji's hands grip my shoulders and his smile stretches so far I worry it will tear his cheeks. I squeeze my eyes shut, willing it to go away. I open them again, and it's not Shinji I'm looking at. _

The girl in his eyes has changed. She's a liar, she's selfish. She tried to live by everyone else's standards and it didn't work out. It was never enough. This girl is no longer trying to smile, she's done playing pretend, living under the weight of the dead. This girl is being twisted into something else. This girl is me, and I don't know how to feel about her.

"I see it." it falls from my lips in a hushed tone. I lean forward and press my lips to his, leaving that other girl where she belongs. With him.


	12. Sting

_**Authors Note: **__A big thank you to the readers who have stuck with this story since the first chapter was posted. You are all amazing and patient and wonderful. A special thank you to guest user Anna. I am unable to PM you but, thank you so much for your lengthy, in depth review, you really made my day._

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**Sting**

**Day three continued**

**2:30 am**

His lips quiver against mine ever so slightly. The kiss breaks and my dark eyes lid. "He didn't rape you...did he?"

Shinji grits his teeth and his eyes haze over as his face scrunches up. He's not looking me in the face. Between us, is a tension. A silence that screams louder than any sound. A silence that could shatter glass. I start to open my mouth, and Shinji speaks before I can get a word out, "I'm right aren't I?"

My arms fold over my exposed chest, covering my bruised breasts. "Are you going to let me talk?" I ask softly.

"Are you going to tell me that I'm wrong?" his eyes remain focused on my hands where they rest in my lap. "I see the stitching on your cheek...so careful, so...so professional...not something you could have pulled off on your own...he's been...taking care of you...hasn't he?"

"Yes." the word slips from my lips and it's freeing.

"Shit." he whispers. "I really wanted you to tell me I was wrong…"

"That isn't often the case with you." I say softly.

"Which exchange student is it?" Shinji asks gingerly. "Who's been playing with your head?"

"Kiriyama." my voice is a sweet rasp.

"Kiriyama? The one who's been shooting us down like dogs?" his voice goes up a bit at the end. Disbelief fills his tone.

"You've been here, how do you even know-"

"I've got Keita, Hiroki and Seto scavenging for supplies, do you really think they haven't noticed a maniac running wild with a machine gun?"

"Stop it, Shinji." it's the first time I've said his first name since I left him. It's easy to say it now, I'm not hiding anymore. "You don't know him. You don't understand."

He freezes. It must have surprised him to hear his first name escape my lips. "It took you this long to be able to say my name again and yet you let that psychopath mangle you-"

"Stop calling him that." my tone comes out in a demand.

"...Do you have feelings for him? Or was it just a quickie before you die?" his voice sounds different. It's shaky, breathy, so unlike him.

I draw in a shallow breath and think for just a moment, do I have feelings for Kazuo? To think about it in such a way almost makes it sound innocent. Like a girl having a crush on a boy in school. It's not a crush, it's not something feverless. When I think about Kazuo, I feel his presence, he's so all consuming. Like no one else. I think about the way he speaks with his eyes. I think about...how he laughed on the beach after he'd made me scale a cliff. I think about how it's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard and the most frightening. I think about his sleeping face, how he looks so peaceful. I think about his voice that he so rarely uses, how I yearn to hear more of it. "Yes…" I whisper finally. I think about the sincerity of his every action. The way all of his mishaps are somehow planned. I think about his contradictions, the way he can be so meticulous yet leave the top four buttons of his shirt undone. "I do." the words are slow as they slip from my lips.

_What is real love anyway? Parents are supposed to love you, and I found out the moment her love was put to the test that my mother never loved me. I was invisible to her. There was always only Noa. My father….no matter how it hurts me to think about it, must have signed off on some form for me to play this game. I loved Noa, but I didn't really know her, even though she was my twin. Shinji saw her at her lowest, her darkest. He knew her better than I ever did and all from one encounter. _

_Love is always made out to be so simple, two people meet, they like eachother, they get married, they have kids. The circle of life. No one ever wants to talk about the conflict. What it is to go crazy over someone else. Love is made out to be beautiful. The stuff of dreams. A real life fairytale. You're supposed to make eachother happy. Everything is always bathed in the light._

_Shinji and I had a love like that. A love bathed in the light. Suffocated by that light neither of us had any room to grow. We just stayed the same, comfortable, and warm. Light works that way, it's safe, but when it's bright, light is blinding. You overlook the bad times. The white lies, the sadness. The tears. Only, if you're blinded to all those things...you never grow to understand them. _

_A love in the dark...that's something else. It's not safe, it's terrifying. It's filled with risk and uncertainty. There is no comforting light. The only comfort you have is the one you love. To see someone at their darkest moment, is to really know their soul. Humanity makes the mistake of believing light to be the truth and darkness to be a shadowy lie. _

_People lie in the light where they can be seen, it's behind closed doors, in the shadows that people show you who they really are. _

_Like just now, I am hearing Shinji speak in a tone I didn't even know he possessed. I don't know him as well as I think I do. I know his eyes, his touch, his mind, his cologne. I may even know his heart, but I don't know his soul. _

_I know Kazuo. Even though he's said so little. Even though I'd forgotten him. The promise I made. Kazuo's eyes hold more honesty than one hundred thousand of Shinji's deepest most personal convictions. _

_I know his soul. It's black. Once it may have been another color. I believe it was a beautiful caribbean blue. It changed, the world molded it into what it is now. His soul, his heart, his smile, it's all colored black and….I adore it. _

_This man, held onto that deformed little flower all this time. For the sake of finding a girl he'd only ever heard, and he was just crazy enough to find me. That is what a memory is to Kazuo. It's more than emotion. More than something a normal person can comprehend. Even with his limbic system destroyed, he found a reason to hold on to me. Emotions are fickle, they can even be false. Instinct...can't lie. _

"_It's so much more than that." I say finally._

"_What?" Shinji presses on._

"_More than love."_

"_You're obsessed, Kaoru." Shinji snaps. His eyes betray a darkness, the likes of which I never imagined him to be capable of showing. "Do you know what stockholm syndrome is?"_

_A small smile graces my lips as my eyes shift toward his face, "Yes, I do. Hostages sometimes develope a romantic attachment to their captor as a survival strategy. In order for me to have stockholm syndrome, I would have needed to care if he killed me or not from the very beginning. Noa wasn't the only one who was a little suicidal. He may have dragged me around, Shinji, but that very first night...he was wounded...unconscious...if I wanted to escape...I could have left him for dead but I stayed. I tended his wounds. I may as well have tied that rope around my own neck with my own hands." _

_He's shaking his head now. A grunt erupts from his clenched teeth as he grabs my shoulders and slams my back against the desk. My head smacks the wood surface so hard my vision shakes. I stare up at Shinji. Everyone has a breaking point. I guess I am his. "Do you hear yourself?" he shouts giving me another hard shake. "Have you lost your mind?"_

"_Shinji-" I stifle a groan. _

"_Who the hell is this guy? Where the hell did he come from? What kind of monster does it take-"_

"_He lived a block away from me! Don't blame the place, blame the world!" _

_Shinji's eyes go wide. "Kiriyama...I knew that name sounded familiar...he's the kid that got into that car accident...the genius boy...who's limbic system got destroyed...KAORU HE CAN'T EVEN LOVE YOU BACK! HE DOESN'T FEEL ANYTHING! HE'S A CREATURE?" he's getting louder and louder. His hands are becoming more and more rough. "There is a reason your father-" _

_A sharp sound cuts through the air as I slap him hard across the face. My voice is sweet and only a little louder than the pained whimper that betrays his lips. "He loves me, you just can't see it." in my head, I know love isn't the right word. It's what I use for lack of a better one. _

_I can't fully understand the workings of Kazuo's brain, I think only he can. The best I can do is learn his habits and interpret his actions. From what I've gathered, he reacted the way he did back at the house because he thought I was going to leave. He's….afraid to lose me. In his own way. _

'_Snatch the sun from the sky…Humanity will always remember it's last day in the light.' _

That's what he said. I think the sun... emotion...the only thing that made Kazuo, the boy genius like every other kid around him. It was all he had to relate with. So rich, so intelligent, so lonely. But we all feel. It must have been his one solace. I think the last thing he heard before everything went numb was me crying out for him, screaming about his name. Maybe...just maybe...hearing a stranger shed tears for him...pulled at his heart strings...just a little bit...maybe...I was the last thing...he ever felt.

Shinji's voice breaks me from my thoughts, "You've changed."

My dark eyes stare blankly up into his. "What was it you were going to say...about my father?"

"Kaoru-"

"No, Shinji. Tell me. I'm so tired of not knowing anything...of being lied to."

I can hear his breathing starting to even out, he's slowing down. "...After it became clear that I intended to stick around for….awhile. With you. Your father started to clue me in on some of the family secrets. He loved you so much, Kaoru...everything that man ever did was for you."

"Family secrets…" my voice is a rasp.

"Now that you know….I guess there isn't any point in keeping it from you...you're a big girl...you deserve the truth."

My stomach turns, I'm not going to like this. I need to hear it nonetheless. Shinji continues softly, "I was...waiting for you to come home from cheerleading practice. Your father had just finished filling out a...large stack of paperwork. That was the day he chose to tell me about...the accident and how your family was the one involved with it. He said that it's easier to protect someone when you know what to protect them from." he draws in a deep breath. "By his logic my knowing would make it easier for me to protect you from...remembering."

"Because I got sick." I quip.

"Yes, the doctor's said that it wasn't one of your normal fevers...it was the added stress of the car wreck...of seeing that kid's head split open...knowing how stressed your father was….all on top of Noa's death...you were losing the will to live, Kaoru." he's bitten his lip, "Your father told me that, if your brain hadn't suppressed those memories...you might never have woken up." Finally his eyes meet mine again. "Your family paid their lawsuits, they paid for the hospital bills and car repairs...they even paid for a therapist….they did so without complaint on the condition that everything about what really happened to Kiriyama be kept out of the media. The Kenta name never made it to the news. A restraining order was put out against their entire family...he wasn't allowed within one hundred feet of you…"

My stomach does a flip. _A restraining order? That's why he couldn't come see me sooner. _"You knew and you never told me-"

"Your family went to drastic lengths to have this covered up so you'd never know about it...I wasn't going to risk you going back under! I saw that once, Kaoru! When you fainted at school and I never want to see it again!"

"So that's what it is? I'm so damn fragile everyone has to lie to me to keep me safe?" I hiss.

"You were, if you weren't you wouldn't have-"

"It all happened too fast back then." I interrupt him. "I watched my sister get her head blown off, Shinji! I survived that and I could have handled the news from the car crash I just needed a month, a week, maybe just two days to process everything! And in a healthy way!" When he starts to open his mouth again, I don't give him a second to speak, I just keep going, "You lied to me, one of the only two people I didn't expect that from...all you ever talked about was how strong I was...how you admired my resilience...how could you say all those things to my face and think that all it would take to kill me would be-"

"Kaoru that's not what I think of you and you damn well know it!" Shinji shouts. His hands cup my face, squeezing a bit. "But you need to think that, don't you? Is that how you're going to make what you're doing alright in your head? Making me the bad guy?"

"No." my breath comes out in a tense shudder. "You can't be the bad guy, Shinji. You're perfect, you always have been and you always will be. The perfect boyfriend, perfect student, perfect nephew, perfect athlete, perfect potential son-in-law, perfect friend, the list goes on." my fingers shake a bit as I pull his wrists, dragging his hands away from my face. A small sigh slips from my lips as I lean up onto my elbows, nose to nose with Shinji now. My fingers wrap around his mic and I shift upward, a bit further. A small whisper slips from my lips, against his ear, "You're going to make some girl a perfect husband when you get out of here...perfect just...isn't for me."

He's defeated, "I can't stop you?" his voice rasps.

"No." I whisper back. "I've made my choice. Even if it's not the right one...in the long run...I have to see this through…"

"But why, look at what he's done to you…"

I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him close to me, rubbing my hand on his back in a comforting circular motion as I rest my chin on his shoulder. "He's changed me. I feel stronger, healthier, and more capable now than I ever have in all my life and...I'd rather die...right now...then live another eighty plus years cowering in a corner."

His arms close around me and he leans back, pulling me into his lap as he hugs me close. I feel his hand cup the back of my head, his nose presses into my throat. "Kaoru...I don't know what to say…" I can only imagine how confused he must feel. He could never hurt me, but he can't possibly allow Kiriyama on that boat with the rest of us. I think he knows now that I won't leave without him.

"Shinji, I don't want to put you in any-"

"Give me a chance, okay? Let me try to change your mind…"

"I just said-"

"I know!" he barks against my skin. I can feel him holding my collar by the mic now. "I know what you said, let me try. Damn it." his grip on me tightens. "Whatever happens, happens. If we fight at the end of this…we fight...but...until we get to that point...let me fight for that point to never come."

"Okay…" I whisper.

"Okay?" he asks softly.

I nod my head in response and keep my hand over his mic. "You have a plan, that's more than I have right now...so I'll do whatever I can to help out around here until everything is ready. Once your plan swings into motion...all bets are off."

"I'll change your mind by than. It's a deal." he smiles a soft, sad smile.

His eyes comb over me, I search his face, finding the red mark I left on his cheek when I slapped him. I wish I was sorry. He touches my arms, he's made new bruises in the shape of his finger tips. I can see regret filling up his eyes.

He leans up, sitting on the ledge of the desk once again. "Kaoru...I'm really sorry...I never meant to...hurt you like that...I...I'm just scared for you."

I sit up, and lean my forehead against his bicep "That's okay, Shinji. I'm scared too."

"Holy crap!" Seto's voice makes us both look toward the doorway. "P-put a freaking shirt on!" he whines as he swings his body around so his back faces us. My hand moves around on the desk, looking for my shirt.

"That shirt is wet and covered in blood…" Shinji mutters standing.

"I can't go running around naked." I respond softly.

"No...she can't." I can almost hear Seto blushing.

Once I find my blue polo, I tug it back on and bite my lower lip. It's a little damp, and soaked through with blood stains. "I want you wearing...more than that." Shinji states flatly. I watch as he picks up his tan school jacket. "Wear this." He places it on my shoulders and I slide my arms into the sleeves. It's big on me, it fits me like a cardigan.

"Shinji, after all that just happened-"

"No matter what happens, I will always love you." a sad smile graces his lips. "Don't ever tell me not to take care of you."


	13. Rust

_**Authors Note: **Thanks again, everyone for keeping up with this fic. You are all so amazing! Anna, thank you again for your review. You're getting out of this exactly what I intend and I love that!_

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_**Rust**_

_**Day three continued **_

_**5:00am**_

My dark eyes flutter open as I pick my head up slowly. Shinji is asleep at his computer desk. His head is rested on his folded arms. The screen is all that illuminates his face in the dimly lit room. I too had fallen asleep, on the desk adjacent from the spot Shinji had settled into. It wasn't a comfortable sleep, but a necessary one nonetheless.

On the other side of the room, I can see Iijima(Boy#2) asleep on a cot near the doorway leading into the next room. I'm not entirely sure when he got back. Seto is asleep in the other room, I can hear him snoring all the way over here. Slowly, I slide my legs off the edge of the desk and stretch my arms out as a yawn escapes my lips. Loud popping fills the air as almost every bone in my upper body cracks. It actually feels really good.

My steps are quick and silent as I peer over Shinji's shoulder. I want to see this list of his. I want to know what I can help with. My head falls to the side as my eyes squint the font into focus.

The list is as follows.

-metal rod. X

-Nails. As many as you can find. X

-An electric transformer. X

-wire. X

-Jar. X

-Containers. Shape and size does not matter. X

-Clean Water. X

-Salt X

-Filter X

-Spoon X

-Iron Pot X

-aluminum filings. Anything you can find. X

-Magnesium Ribbon X

**Notes:** When the thermite burns, get back! It can vaporize carbon steel.

_**Plan: **_Hack their system. Shut down all danger zones and collars for fifteen minutes. In that fifteen minuets, drive a truck full of explosives into the watch tower. We're leaving here together.

I raise an eyebrow at the screen and draw back. An 'X' by each item. I suppose that means we have each item on Shinji's grocery list. Seto and Iijima must have worked really hard to bring all of that here. I turn my head and glance toward the far corner of the room. Against a set of boarded up windows, there's a long table. On top of it sits two huge pots. Beside them, I can see several containers. They range from small jars to bottles, to capped buckets and canisters. At the very end of the table, sits a large rectangular box.

I walk silently toward the area, my eyes scanning over everything. What is left to do? _Can this stuff really vaporize steel? _I wonder as I look over the edge of the large open pots. They're filled to the brim with a strange red substance. It almost looks like…"It's rust." Shinji's voice makes me jump. My hand immediately flies up over my microphone.

"Rust?" I question softly, trying to speak quietly so I don't wake Iijima.

"Yes." he yawns placing a hand on his collar as well. "We're going to make several small thermite bombs and one big one."

"How does that work?" I whisper.

"Thermite is a ridiculously powerful substance. It can burn through practically anything. We probably don't even need as much as we have to do this but I'd rather be safe than sorry. It's simple to make but a couple of the ingredients were a little hard to come by here. Iijima, Hiroki and Seto pulled it off though. They found everything I needed and all before last night. In order to make a thermite bomb, we need to make a large amount of iron oxide…"

"You mean rust." I mumble sleepily.

"No." he snickers through another yawn. "I mean iron oxide."

I turn slowly on my heel and raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Fine, It's rust." he gives in. I smile softly.

"So you made two huge pots of rust...what now?"

"It's been sitting out for about twenty-four hours now...so it's almost ready. I just need to heat it, filter it, pour it into it's containers, and stick a strip of magnesium ribbon into each container to act as a wick. After that we load it all into the truck."

My eyebrows furrow "Do I want to know where they found magnesium ribbon out here?"

"They found it in a couple of different places from what I understand. If there were scientists here, and seeing as it was once a community, I'm assuming their were, it's not too strange for them to keep some on hand for experimental purposes."

I nod my head slowly. "What are we going to light it with?"

"A blow torch. I actually found the transformer and the blowtorch in this building within an hour of finding it. It's where I got the idea to make this particular kind of bomb."

"You are such a mad scientist." I giggle as my free hand rubs my eye, the other still clings to my collar, blocking out the microphone.

Shinji chuckles softly, a small smile tugs at the corners of his lips. "Thank you for making me take a nap. I needed it. And, uh…" he scratches the back of his head shyly. "I just wanted to apologize again...for the way I acted."

"Shinji-" all I can think is that I'd rather not get back into this. It's not the time or place.

"No, I mean it. I won't ever lie to you again, I wish I could say that I was just being concerned for you when I saw those marks and figured it out...but I was jealous...that someone else touched you. Even more so that you….think you have these feelings for him."

I cross my arms over my chest and purse my lips.

"I just, if he didn't force you...it's not my business to get upset."

"No...it isn't." I whisper.

"I've been with three girls since you...and I didn't love a single one of them…"

"Please...Shinji...go back to sleep." My voice is a small whine. "We did this a couple of hours ago-"

"No. I was going off the rails a few hours ago...I just want to be honest with you. In case things don't go exactly as planned." the corners of his lips turn down slightly, "I don't want to be remembered as the guy who lied to you...even if you only have a limited amount of time to remember me at all."

I nod slowly, understanding his position. "Thank you, Shinji."

"Pulling all this together is going to take some time. I should get started. Go relax."

"Or I could help you."

"Alright, just do exactly as I say." his smirk is tired and lazy.

Our hands come off our mics and shinji stuffs a little more tissue between the metal and our necks just to be safe. "It's heavy." he mutters softly pushing one of the large pots into my hands. He's not kidding, apparently enough rust can really add up. I grunt a bit taking a step back to sturdy myself. He grabs the other pot and we make our way into the next room.

It's a room I'm seeing for the first time. A glance around makes it out to be a mix between a bedroom and a kitchen. The bed is flipped up against the wall, plantation is growing into the walls in some spots, green leaves poking up through cracks in the floor. Shinji places his pot on the counter. My knees knock together and I squeak as he finally takes mine and places it beside his.

This part of the procedure is just for one person. He's melting the rust down into a liquid. Once he gets it all into one iron pot, he places it on the stove and takes a seat beside me on the floor. "Don't want to over do it." he murmurs. "So I've gotta stay in here."

"I'll stay too." I wrap myself up in the jacket he'd placed on my shoulders earlier.

"How is…..everything?"

"It hurts. I'll survive," my smile is small, tired. "Promise."

The moments that follow are almost normal. He makes jokes and I laugh a little. We shush each other and try to avoid waking the others. Eventually, I lay down on my back and place my bare feet against his chest. Shinji feels over my toes and I make a sorry attempt at a sit up, only to fall back half laughing, half wincing in pain.

He smiles down at me. I prop myself up on my elbow and lay on my side. We talk about school, about tests we took and teachers we hated. I talk about cheerleading practice. About Noriko and how she used to bring me snacks after.

It's him who breaks the brief moment of happiness, "Do you regret starting public school? Do you wish you would have stayed at home?"

I shake my head, "No."

"Seriously?"

"Shinji, those moments we just talked about, are some of the only happy times I have ever known. I wouldn't trade them for the world. If I die fighting for for them, I guess that's what happens."

Behind me, Seto's snoring turns to a high pitched gurgle and a small giggle slips from my lips. "Has he ever seen a doctor about that?"

Shinji chuckles, "Actually, yeah. He did. I think they settled on sleep apnea."

"That sounds about right." I muse.

My voice softens "They must really trust you, Shinji." a small smile graces my lips. "To work so hard...not knowing-"

"No one knows the future, Kaoru. But they are my friends, friends look out for eachother and when you love someone, you'll do crazy things for them. Sometimes you even do it blind." He responds gently, grunting as he shifts to his feet.

I watch silently, as he walks toward the stove. He's starting working again so I assume it's ready. "Spoon." it's all he says.

I stand on aching legs and hobble toward the counter. "Here." my voice rasps as I hand him the spoon he asked for. Shinji begins fishing some red crud out of the now orange lava looking liquid in the pot. He did say earlier that he'd need to filter it.

"Shinji, do you think Noriko is okay?"

"I guess so. I haven't heard her name on the announcements yet."

"You're sure?"

"I've written down every single name." he deadpans. His brown eyes are so focused.

"Where is that list?" I ask softly. I want to know. I want to remember them.

"I've got it thumb tacked to the wall beside my spot." he's referring to the area his computer is set up in. I nod my head and walk wordlessly into the other room. Iijima is still sleeping like a baby. He really does believe in Shinji.

I step over his cot and make my way to Shinji's computer. Just like he said, the list is thumb tacked to the wall. I run my fingers over the paper.

_-We were class B. I hope no one else ever finds themselves in this situation. If you do, fight.-_

_**GIRL # 00 **__**FUJIYOUSHI**_

_**BOY # 07 **__**KUNINOBU**_

_**GIRL # 14 **__**TENDOU**_

_**BOY # 01 **__**AKAMATSU**_

_**BOY # 09 **__**KURONAGA**_

_**BOY # 10 **__**SASAGAWA**_

_**BOY # 14 **__**TSUKIOKA**_

_**BOY # 17 **__**NUMAI**_

_**GIRL # 05 **__**KANAI**_

_**BOY # 21 **__**YAMAMOTO**_

_**GIRL # 04 **__**OGAWA**_

_**BOY # 08 **__**KURAMOTO**_

_**GIRL # 21 **__**YOSHIMI**_

_**GIRL # 03 **__**MEGUMI**_

_**BOY # 03 **__**OKI**_

_**BOY # 20 **__**MOTOBUCHI**_

_**GIRL # 06 **__**YUKIKO**_

_**GIRL # 07 **__**KUSAKA**_

_**GIRL # 10 **__**HIRONO**_

_**BOY # 16 **__**NIIDA**_

_**GIRL # 13 **__**CHIGUSA**_

_**BOY # 04 **_**ODA**

My hand covers my mouth as warm tears line my eyes. They roll silently down my cheeks as I read each name in my head. So many lives, so many families destroyed forever. So terrible. What was their crime? Youth. Something none of them could help.

It doesn't matter now, who was the most popular. Who was nice to who, friendships, sports, graduation, the future. None of it matters. None of it saved them. All that studying Kyoichi did means nothing now, he'll never get into a good school. Megumi can't ever ask Shinji out. Niida can't apologize to Chigusa for the rumors he spread. You really should acknowledge everyone in your class. Even if you never become friends with them. They are people, individual lives and they matter when they're taken away.

My trembling fingers seek out a pen from Shinji's desk. When I find one, I start at the top and draw a line through each number. Scribbling it out until it's unreadable. Leaving only the name. My hand drops to the very bottom of the page, there's sadly bound to be more names added to the list and I want to be sure Shinji has room to write them.

'_We all mattered. We were children, not numbers.'_

It's all I write. It's all I need to write.

"It's alright everyone, no one can hurt you now." my voice is a quiet rasp through my tears.


	14. Gathering

_**Author's Note: **__Merry Christmas Eve! Thanks so much for all your support. Enjoy your holiday!_

* * *

_**Gathering**_

_**Day three continued**_

_**6:25 am **_

"That was a little bit better." Shinji muses as he catches my fist in his palm. "Try again."

I nod my head trying to wipe the smile off my face. We've been at this for the last twenty minutes. Once he finished filtering everything and sorting his creation into containers, he'd sent Iijima to find Hiroki. He said he wanted everyone together when everything swung into motion.

To pass time, he's teaching me how to throw a decent punch. "Fix the way your standing." He smirks softly. "I know you've got a strong core, you can do this."

I throw my weight into my arm as my fist swing over his head. His leg sweeps across the floor and lands me hard on my back. I whimper as I smack the ground and stare up at him through round dark eyes "Why?" I whine. "I thought you said no kicking."

"We just moved into the next lesson. Expect your opponent to be an asshole." that signature smirk of his crawls across his face. His hand is waiting for mine so he can help me up. I move to take it and thrust my foot into his ankle. He staggers and his hand grabs mine, yanking me to my feet. "Nice try." He grimaces. "It did hurt but you didn't bring me down."

I roll my eyes as a smile chases across my lips and I cross my arms. He taps my cheek with his finger "But you finally have the right idea."

"Well." I muse softly, "I have a good teacher." our mood is carefree. It's made the last hour and a half really nice.

All things considered, everything has actually been alright since the six O'clock announcement. Nothing too special, Kitano went over his usual spewl. There haven't been any deaths this morning. He sarcastically warned us that at some point there would be a solar eclipse today. '_If you live to see it, try not to go blind!' _the older man mused sarcastically over the intercom. Shinji of course reassured everyone that as long as we don't look at it dead on, a solar eclipse is no big deal. He's good at calming people down. I know for sure now that Kazuo is still alive. That alone sets my heart at ease. I've been nervous every hour between the announcements. I don't know why. He's completely capable of caring for himself. I just wonder what he's doing, if he's looking for me.

I take a seat on top the desk against the wall and kick my feet back and forth. "I feel like Iijima has been gone awhile."

"He has but that was expected. None of us have any clue where Hiroki is." Shinji answers as he wipes his neck off with a rag.

"Maybe two pairs of eyes would help."

"Seto is too tired to go-"

"I could go."

He smiles, "You could."

"Will you let me? I bet I could find him."

"Why not." He tosses me Chigusa's pocket knife. Seto had apparently demanded he pull it off me when I was brought in. "Be careful."

"Really?" I whisper softly in disbelief.

"I know you'll come back." he nods sincerely.

His strong arms pull me into a hug. I'm still seated on the desk, his waist is between my thighs and he holds me close. "I am so glad I got to see you again." He presses a kiss to the top of my head.

"Me too." I whisper, wrapping my arms around his neck. I turn my head and kiss his cheek softly. "Thank you for everything." We both know what we're doing. He expects me to come back but we don't know if I'll make it back. We don't know if this place will become a danger zone. We can't predict the future. This goodbye is just in case this is the last time we see each other.

The morning air is brisk. It washes over my skin as I maneuver over roots and felled branches. I haven't walked alone since being thrown into this game, it's strange. Leaves crumble beneath my sneakers as I start making my way back up the seemingly endless hill in front of me. Noriko was in that house all surrounded by traps. I need to see her. I need to know that she's okay before anything else happens.

When I get to the top of the hill, I find myself staring at the little house. In the daylight the cans and wires are almost easy to see. On the bamboo porch, Noriko is seated beside a boiling pot. A grateful smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. Someone must be taking care of her. There is absolutely no way she's killed anyone. I can leave her be then, I don't need to break her heart like I did Shinji's. "Everything will be alright." I whisper softly.

Slowly, I turn my back and start to walk away. My body freezes when a gruff voice shouts "Are you not gonna say hello?"

"Kaoru?" Noriko squeaks.

"You're sure that's your friend?"

"That's her." She answers sweetly.

"You trust her?"

"With my life." I hear the porch creak as she gets up. As she walks across the yard she causes the cans to cling together. Her arms wrap around me from behind. "Hello Kaoru." she sounds just like the angel she is.

I swing around and pull her close, my arms can't seem to hold her tightly enough. "Noriko, I've been worried."

"No need. Shuya and Kawada have been taking very good care of me."

"Where is Shuya?" I raise an eyebrow at her, looking toward the house over her shoulder. The only one I see is Kawada.

"He….got hurt." Her voice cracks a bit. Slender fingers lace with mine as she guides me back to the house. I sit on the porch beside her and she explains. "It was so awful...that other exchange student...Kiriyama...last night. Kawada shot at him when he crossed into this yard...but it was dark and he missed. Everything was quiet after that...for a short time."

"Something really must have pissed that psycho off." Kawada snaps crossing his arms as he leans against the closed door. "He came back about an hour later. Threw some kid's decapitated head through our back window. He'd stuffed a grenade in the unlucky bastard's mouth."

"Kawada." Noriko speaks softly as she glances back at the taller boy. "Don't rehash the awful details." She then turns her gaze back to me. "Shuya went after him...I think he was shot...I don't know exactly what happened. I am so worried about him though...his name wasn't on the announcements so that means he's alive."

Kawada sighs, "Yeah, he's alive and I spent most of last night boarding up the windows that sicko blew out."

"I did offer to help you." Noriko smiles softly.

"I didn't need your help." He grumbles.

She accepts his grumpy response with grace and says, "You look like you've had a rough time, Kaoru. Have you been all by yourself?"

"I've been with Shinji." It's not a complete lie.

"You're on a first name basis again, that's so wonderful.' Noriko gives my hand a squeeze. "That makes me so happy."

My eyes roll over her face "You seem so….Kawada and Shuya really have been taking care of you."

She nods her head. "When the grenade went off...Kawada even jumped ontop of me...he saved my life."

I shift to my feet and walk right up to the muscular exchange student. "Thank you, for taking care of her."

"Don't mention it." His eyes lid. He's looking me over.

"Where's your weapon?"

"Kawada!" Noriko chides. "She's my friend-"

"And I want to see her weapon." he husks as his brow furrows.

"It's no big deal, Noriko." I soothe as I produce Chigusa's knife from my pocket. "This is all I have."

"Have you found need to use it?" He follows up quickly.

"Of course she hasn't." Noriko is standing in front of me now. "She's a good person, she would never hurt anyone. She said she's been with Shinji and I believe her."

"How did you get that cut on your face?" Kawada asks over Noriko.

Noriko again responds before I can, "Even if….she did hurt someone...she would never hurt me."

"Fine." the tall male finally gives in.

The three of us sit down near the pot of rice the two of them have cooking. "Kaoru." Noriko looks my way.

"Yes?"

"You should stay with us."

"Noriko I-"

"Kawada has a way off this-" I lunge forward and grab her collar, covering the mic with my fingers.

The brown eyed boy simply raises an eyebrow at me. "Shove some tissue in your collar, don't just talk about that stuff so openly." I whisper.

"W-what are you-"

"There's a microphone...hidden in your collar. They're listening." As I speak, Noriko's dark eyes go wide.

It's starting to drizzle. The rain is loud against the awning hanging over the porch. Fear creeps into my friend's irises. I can see it clear as day on her face. They'd been talking non stop about their plans to escape. Kawada broke the silence, "Stop scaring her. Noriko, everything's gonna' be fine. Ignore her."

"But Kawada-"

"That's enough. Have I let you down yet?" He barks.

Noriko shakes her head, "No but I-"

"She just came out of nowhere and started babbling. You know full well that I know what I'm doing." His voice manages to get even more gruff. Where the hell did this guy come from?

"She just cares about me." Noriko says finally.

"And you think-" He stops everything. He's frozen. "I think we should go inside." He grumbles as the rain starts to come down harder. So hard in fact that it almost reminds me of the storm outside the cave on the beach. It's hard to see anything through it. I hear the door shut as Kawada walks inside leaving us on the porch.

I raise an eyebrow at him and glance over my shoulder out at the rain. "Is that-" I can see someone moving around through the spaces between the trees.

Noriko cuts me off with a loud cheer "SHUYA!"

"Noriko no! That doesn't look like Nanahara to me!" my voice breaks as she bolts off the porch.

"But it could be!"

The door swings back open and Kawada flies off the porch after her with a shotgun in hand. "The hell did you do?"

"I pointed out movement!" I chime as I take off, keeping up with him perfectly. Alongside cheerleading, I used to run track. I can keep up with him. "Noriko!" I scream, trying to find her over the sound of the pouring rain.

"How the hell did you lose her?" Kawada snaps.

"I didn't expect her to run off like this!" I yell. It's the only way I'm sure he'll hear me. Side by side, we stop where two paths leading into the woods meet.

"TAKE THE RIGHT!" He commands disappearing to the left.

I do as I'm told and break into a full sprint, running down the path as mud gathers up around my shoes. Rain soaking into my socks. I really can't ever stay dry can I? "NORIKO!" I scream at the top of my lungs. One wrong step and my feet fly out from under me. Wet mud and hills don't mix. My body rolls across the ground until I hit a thorny shrub. The plant bites into my skin with tiny razor sharp teeth. My legs kick and I cry out as I rip away. Small bits of Shinji's school jacket have been forever claimed by the thorns. I draw in a deep breath and keep going. "NORIKO!"

I hear a voice, it's not my friend's. My back moves against the trunk of a tree. My vision is challenged by the rain as I glance over my shoulder, to see around the tree I'm hiding behind. Mitsuko is standing in front of Noriko.

I can't hear much of anything being said. I only hear one word. From Mitsuko's mouth. "Die."

She cocks a gun and holds it up, just inches away from Noriko's forehead. _Absolutely not. _I lick my lips, draw in a deep breath and scream "YOU WILL NOT BE AFRAID!" my body moves on it's own. I jump the beautiful girl from the side and knock her to the ground. Noriko screams at the top of her lungs as Mitsuko and I tumble to the ground. My body now sprawled out on top of her's. Our eyes meet as she groans. I've never been so scared in my life.

"Oh my." She cooes. "What are you going to do now, Kaoru?" Mitsuko asks as she looks up at me. The gun is no longer in her hand, it's lying about four feet away.

"Nakagawa." that almost sounds like….Kitano. Mitsuko's elbow meets my collarbone and I grunt as she throws me off over her. It takes her seconds to get up, she darts forward, stopping only to pick up her gun before disappearing completely. I wheeze, she hit me hard. Water soaks into my clothes as I roll over to see Noriko, and Kitano. He hands her an umbrella and offers her a small smile. My head is pounding, the rain is coming down so hard it makes the air hard to breathe. "Don't hurt her." It's all I can manage.

Shuya waddles up behind Noriko, out of what seems like nowhere. He's covered in bandages and using a tall stick to stand. Kazuo must have done a real number on him. That almost makes me sad, Shuya was always a nice boy. Kitano turns to leave and I scramble to get behind the trunk of a tree. There's no need for me to stick around. Shuya and Kawada will keep Noriko safe until Shinji takes care of everything, I really do believe that. Sitting behind the tree, I listen to their reunion. I can't hear everything, but I can hear Shuya promising to protect Noriko. She really will be okay.

I draw in a deep breath and stare out into the rain. If I go back with her, Noriko won't let me leave. "Where's Kaoru?" her voice breaks through the rain. I stay still.

"There you are." Kawada barks, he's easy to hear over the rain. He's referring to the two of them.

"I found Shuya...but I lost...Kaoru."

"I'm sure she's fine. She's made it this far."

_**Dead~ **_

BOY # 13

BOY # 18

GIRL # 16

GIRL # 19

GIRL # 12

GIRL # 17

GIRL # 02

GIRL # 09


	15. Fade

_**Fade **_

_**Day three continued**_

_**9:45 Am**_

Despite it being early morning, the dark clouds in the sky make the atmosphere resemble dusk. What should be blue is grey and shadows roll over nearly everything. My tired eyes come to rest on what looks like a warehouse. Granted, I doubt that it's been used for storage in the recent past. Every part of it seems to be rotting through.

"Kenta?" his voice is a soft gasp from behind me. I swing around on my heel and turn to face him. It's Sugimura. His hair and clothing are soaked from the rain and he looks so tired.

"Hiroki." I offer him nothing more than a small smile. "I'm really glad you are alright." My slender fingers tuck some of my short hair behind my ear. "Shinji got worried. He sent me to find you."

"The two of you made up then?" his lips twitch a bit. Like he's not sure exactly what to think.

"Something like that." I respond softly.

"Good. You are very important to him." he sounds exhausted. He's holding something in his hand.

My eyes shift toward the left, "What is that?" my voice cracks a bit.

"A GPS." he almost sounds hesitant. "I'm just trying to find...Kotohiki."

"And you think she's in there?" I gesture to the warehouse with my thumb.

"Yeah, I do." how is this even more awkward than it was with Seto?

I bite my lower lip. It's always weird talking to your ex's friends after breaking up. Even more so when your ex was so very loved by all his friends. At least I know Shinji is a classy guy, when I look at Hiroki I don't need to wonder if he knows I have a strawberry shaped birthmark on my butt. I draw in a deep breath and squeak, "So...we're going in there?"

"I am. You can stay here and wait for me." He starts to walk past me.

"I-I told Shinji I'd bring you back...I think I'd better stay with you…" in all reality I hated every moment I spent hiking across this island alone and I didn't intend to spend another second that way.

"Just...don't scare her. If she sees two of us...she might think we're ganging up on her." it's a valid statement, I slow down and drop back a bit, letting him stroll ahead of me. I can hear movement all around us. I can't pinpoint where it is, I can't figure out what it is but I don't like it.

"Hiroki-"

"Yeah?" he whispers and it almost sounds like a sneer. I really do think he's just grown impatient.

"Be careful." I whisper softly as he pushes the heavy door leading into the warehouse open.

The tall male slips inside and I stay just outside the doorway, waiting for him to tell me everything is okay. "Kotohiki!" I can hear him calling for her. "KOTOHIKI!" in that moment, my hand covers my heart. Hiroki is in love with Kotohiki. There's no way he could sound that way saying her name if he weren't. I draw in a deep breath, staying still. I won't go inside. I'll let them come to me. He deserves to be her hero.

My eyes close. Silence ensues and then gunfire. Round after round, the sound overtakes everything. I fall to my knees, rocking back and forth. My hands fly up to cover my ears as my jaw locks up. _This is all wrong. Get up, Kaoru. Stop being so damn afraid of everything! _My thoughts hiss. _You said you'd bring him back. You said you'd bring him back. _

"Come on." I bark through my tears as I stand on shaking legs. Without anymore thought, I round the door frame and throw myself inside. The scene unfolding in front of me is heart wrenching. My body freezes. Kotohiki doesn't notice me. She just kneels beside Hiroki. She didn't miss a shot. Her hands are shaking around her gun that is now empty.

"I wanted to see you." Hiroki gasps as blood soaks through his jacket.

"But why? You idiot!" She cries, her voice is frantic and her entire body trembles.

"Because." I can finally hear a smile in his voice. "You're so cute."

"Idiot!" she screams again.

My heart is pounding in my chest, in my ears, in my throat. I want to scream at her, I want to ask her what she was thinking but I feel as though I shouldn't be here in the first place. Like I'm watching something I shouldn't be.

"I've loved you for so long." his voice cracks, but he's sincere. "I am so proud of you, Kotohiki. You're a fighter." he's becoming more and more quiet with every word. "You didn't miss a shot." there's that smile again, only now it's weak. A mere fracture of what it used to be.

My hand feels behind me for the door knob. I pull it shut only some of the way, a slight crack is left. I'm afraid to startle her by making any noise, but I also don't won't to leave her alone.

The sobbing girl drops her gun and places her hands on Hiroki's face. "How was I supposed to know?"

Hiroki's breathing slows until it finally stops. "What am I supposed to do now? You never even talked to me!" her voice catches in her throat. "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

"Die." A firm but slender arm wraps around my throat, dragging me backward as her other arm rests over my shoulder. The gun in her delicate hand is just an arms length from my face but it's aimed at Kotohiki. No. My breath hitches and my mouth drops open. Mitsuko pulls the trigger and a hole forms between Kotohiki's shoulder blades. Her tiny body falls limp on top of Hiroki's. My legs feel numb. It all happens in slow motion in my head, repeatedly. I just keep seeing her die. I can see the smoke coming off the gun. My ears are ringing. _I'm going to die here. _

"Mitsuko." her name is a ghost on my tongue. "You don't need to do this." I'm trying.

"It isn't over just yet, Kaoru." her lips are against the shell of my ear. "You see, I have no doubt that I can win this game. Unlike the rest of you idiots, I'm no virgin." warm breath sends shivers down my spine. "I've killed before." she brings her arm back and holds the hot barrel of the gun to my temple. Suddenly my throat is the Sahara. The inside of my mouth is dry and rough like sand, simply breathing scorches my insides like fire. "And I thought I wouldn't have one single problem, until I came across your little boyfriend." her hands throw me to the hard floor.

I want to respond but I can't talk anymore. I just lay there, curling up in a fetal position on the floor. "I don't go up against anyone completely blind. You seem to be the only thing he gives a fuck about…" she thrusts her foot into my spine. A broken cry rips through my dry throat. "The way I see it, if I mess you up enough, I might just catch him off guard and I might just stand a chance fighting him." That same foot is used to push me off my side, and onto my back. She smirks, "How lucky am I? To find you so very alone in such a secluded place?"

My body is paralyzed with fear. I can't make myself move. After everything, after all that's happened, I still freeze up having a gun near me. I thought I'd shaken it to a point. I thought I'd gotten stronger, but all Mitsuko had to do was press the barrel to my head and here I am, at her mercy.

"Be a little more dramatic would you?" the beautiful girl swings her foot into my stomach. A disgusting sound erupts from the depths of my throat as I choke on my own spit. "Scream. I want him to hear you. There's no way he just let you go. I know he's here. Somewhere." She kicks me again, it hurts, every blow is a little harder than the last. She doesn't understand Kazuo, he doesn't work like most people do. This isn't going to work. I just wish I had the wherewithal to tell her that.

"The real trick is going to be roughing you up enough to upset him without throwing him into a fit of rage." Mitsuko leans down beside me, her dark hair falls over her shoulders as she turns my face toward her with her hand. "Are you not even going to fight me?" the sound of her smacking me across the face bounces from wall to wall. I feel a small tear, I think she's reopened my stitches.

"You're going to have to be patient with me, Kaoru." She grunts ever so slightly through her teeth as she scoops me up off the floor, hauling my slender body over her shoulder. "Torture isn't really my shtick."

I feel by body being moved, I see the floor getting further away from my face, I want to do something about it, but fear is so….crippling. "Let's see, what can we have fun with?" She mused looking around.

_Please. _I hiss in my head. _Please Kaoru, move. Move. Don't let her do this to you! Move! Damn it! The gun isn't there anymore! The gun isn't being held- _I hiccup as she throws me back to the floor. Without warning she thrusts a taser into my stomach and sparks fly. That awful sound fills the air along with the smell of my burning flesh. "AHAA!" I cry out as a wave of pain rolls through my twitching body.

"I want you to know, that you always pissed me off so this is actually kind of worth it." She swings her foot into my hip, landing a hard kick.

"I never did anything to you." my voice rasps, but it finally makes it out of my throat.

"Bullshit!" Mitsuko shouted as she grabbed me up by my hair, yanking me to my feet. My hair in one hand, the taser in the other, she stares into my eyes. "Poor little rich girl." She sneers. "It must have been nice not having any real problems all your life." again, the taser meets my stomach. A loud yelp slips from my lips as her fingers hit the button and I fall to my knees. A strand of saliva falls from my lips to the floor.

"You think you've got it so hard because your sister died?" her eyes narrow as she sticks the taser back in her pocket. Seconds later the gun barrel is pressed to my forehead again and any progress I've made in this situation is gone. I have no voice again.

"It was something like this, wasn't it? Your family tried really hard to keep the details if her murder hidden but when you know people….nothing stays that way." She aggressively pushes the barrel against my skin. My mind is going back and forth between this room and the park my sister died in. Moments of time where Noa is beside me and a moment in time where she's lying on the ground with a hole in her head. "Holy shit…" She cackles. "That's why you're not moving. It traumatized you didn't it?" Mitsuko steps back and kicks be backward. I land on my back staring up at her through blank eyes, though the numbness is fading, fear is taking hold.

My stiff limbs start to tremble and my silence turns to small whimpers. "Your hike across this island with that exchange student must have been a real joy ride if you freeze up at the sight of a gun." She extends her arm and pulls the trigger. The bullet bounces off the floor just inches away from my head. A strangled cry escapes from my lips. "This is hilarious." the dark eyed beauty snickers as she stands over me. "You really are pathetic. What the fuck do you know about misery?"

She sticks the gun back in her waistband and pulls a sickle from around her back. I assume that was her starting weapon, she's had it every time I've seen her thus far. "Death, now that's just part of life. It's natural, nothing to cry like a little bitch about." her blade tears the stomach of my shirt open, exposing my heaving flesh. I bite my lower lip.

"You know what's not natural, Kaoru?" She hisses dragging the cold metal across my skin, drawing blood as she did. I scream at the top of my lungs. It hurts, just that little scratch is like fire in my skin. "Rape." the word is a venom on her lips. She swings the sickle around and smacks me in the face with the handle. "Being sold by your own mother, now that's fucking misery!" this time she hits me in the stomach and knocks and breath I have left inside me out. All I can do is wheeze. I have no control of my arms or legs, they won't move, they're like led.

Hot tears line my eyes and I force out the only words I can muster, "I'm so…..sorry...Mitsuko." I mean it too. No one deserves to suffer like that. Not even a her. It seems everything she does, she does because it was done to her.

"That's the worst part!" she shouts striking another blow to my face with the handle of her sickle. "You act so damaged, like something really fucked you up, like you have it so damn hard but it doesn't change you!" another blow lands in my stomach and I feel bile rush up my throat. The disgusting liquid spills over my lips and I begin to choke over the sound of my own gagging. "So I'm gonna change you, you miserable bitch! I'll give you something to really cry about!" She raises the sickle above her head and brings it down with an aggressive swing.

My head shifts to the right and I stop choking as hot tears roll down my cheeks, a strange feeling rolls through my body, a feeling I can't even explain in words, the pain is sharp, and then there's only warmth. A small cough escapes my lips as my jaw clenches and I slowly, hesitantly glance to my right. A pool of blood spills from the gap that has formed just below my elbow...and the rest of my right arm. _My...my arm. Oh my god….oh my god. _

I'm not even in my body anymore. I am simply beside myself. Watching something no one should ever have to see. A slender girl, with my face and my features, screaming so loud her voice is breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. Her body that wouldn't move before, is squirming, trying to get away from the severed limb that was once a part of her. It's too much to look at, too much to stand. I don't want to be that girl, I don't want to go back to staring at my own arm, laying a few feet from my face, no longer attached to my body. I want to stay here, watching from the outside in. I want to fade into the background and just die.

The sound of my screaming fills the room, it echos, amplified by the emptiness of the warehouse. I shoot upward and scoot across the floor on my butt until my back meets a box. My knees knock together and all I can do is scream. The corners of my vision blur, and I stare at my severed limb where is lays not four or five feet away from me. I can't hear anything, it's all a mess of echos. _Poor little rich girl._

_**~Dead~**_

Boy #11

Girl #8


	16. Scatter

_**Scatter**_

_**Day three continued **_

_**10:02 Am**_

My left hand is clinging to the crate behind me, nails scratching across the surface for anything to grab onto. A hand to hold. I have no more tears left in me, no more ability to scream. The door swings open, a bullet flies past Mitsuko and bounces off the floor. The beautiful girl falls to the floor, feigning death it would seem. My breathing turns to sand paper as my puffy eyes turn toward the door. _Kazuo. _

A small smile tugs at the corners of my cracked lips. He's really okay, he's here. The tall man walks into the room, gun in hand as his eyes roam over the mess of a warehouse. He constantly goes back and forth between Mitsuko and myself. "Kaoru…" his voice is soft, it's never sounded like that before.

His strides are long and his pace is quick. He doesn't stop when he sees Mitsuko's gun, he just picks it up off the floor from beside her and continues toward me. I shake my head repeatedly, I know she's not dead. "No." my voice is a sickly rasp. He's stepped over her body now. I watch as she silently, starts to lean up. "KAZUO NO!" I scream and it hurts so bad my eyes manage to squeeze out a few more tears.

Mitsuko grins a wide, energetic grin as she jumps onto Kazuo's back. Her long legs fold around his waist as she reaches around, trying to grab her gun. Kiriyama throws his arms back and grabs her beneath her arms, flinging her body to the floor. The long haired beauty grunts as she rolls across the cement.

My breathing is a frantic mess. He doesn't need my help. He's probably excited for this fight. Plus, I don't know what will happen if I try to move now. There is nothing I can do, except stay still.

Kiriyama's eyes darken as he stalks across the room. Mitsuko jumps up and lunges at him, sickle in hand. He dodges her attack gracefully and thrusts a knee into her stomach. She's strong and she doesn't go down. Her hand brings the taser around, that awful zapping sound fills the air and Kazuo grins as he flings her backward.

I whimper, feeling everything from my right shoulder down go numb. I really do think I might bleed to death if this goes on much longer. I...I need to do something. I need to move.

I draw in a deep breath, and begin to scoot toward my severed arm. I catch the limb with my leg and drag it back toward me, willing myself not to throw up again. Using my left hand, I pull the torn sleeve from the limb that was once my own. The fabric is soaked in my blood and it tastes awful when I place it in my mouth, clamping down on it with my teeth. My left hand shakes as I wrap the other end of the soaked sleeve around what's left of my right arm. This would be so much easier if I could make my fingers stop shaking.

My eyes shift forward. They're still going after each other. Mitsuko gains some distance and fires her gun twice. The bullets miss and I shut my eyes, pulling the knot tight around my arm. I keep pulling until I can't anymore. It hurts, it hurts so much, but I am not going to die here. I can't. Not after all that's happened.

Standing is hard, my balance is off but on shaking legs, I manage it. As the two of them keep each other occupied, I make my way across the room. As I move, my legs tremble, it still hasn't quite set in yet. My arm...is really gone. Clear on the other side of the room, there's a furnace. I can hear it purring. I think Kotohiki lit it while she was hiding out here.

I bite my lip as I approach the heater. It's glowing orange and needs to be shut off for a cool down period. Perfect….the hotter the better. _Just do it. It's like ripping off a really big bandaid. The faster the better. Do it. Just do it. _Before I can talk myself out of it, knowing I'm losing time, I thrust my limb forward and press it flush against the hot metal. My mouth drops open and I let out a blood curdling scream. Again, I can smell my own burning flesh. Such an awful smell.

Whimpering pathetically, I fall to my knees, holding my weight on the only arm I've got left. I sigh and take a seat behind a tall metal column. They seem to be all that's holding this building together. I lean my back against the structure and look up at the hole in the ceiling, right above my head. Cold raindrops break against my face, and I crack a small, sickly smile.

Mitsuko makes a sound of distress and I lean to the side, looking over my shoulder. She's cornered, backed against what looks like the top of an old fishing dock. Her sickle is on the floor,her taser is about four feet behind Kazuo, all she has left is her gun and this time when she pulls the trigger, nothing comes out. Out of tricks, out of rounds, out of time.

The wild haired man presses the barrel of his machine gun into her stomach and this time, when he pulls the trigger, I don't close my eyes. It wouldn't be right to. Never once, did she get to close her eyes to the atrocities life put her through. Unlike me, she never found a Shinji Mimura. I'll keep my eyes open, out of respect, even if I am afraid. "Goodnight, Mitsuko. I hope you find happiness" I whisper softly. The sound of several rounds being emptied into her body fills the air and blood flies. Her eyes roll back into her head and she collapses, dead on the floor.

"Kaoru." his voice carries on the air. I can hear him walking toward me. His footsteps are fast paced.

"Hi." I quip as he kneels beside me. His hand pulls my face toward him and his lips capture mine. I really don't think he knows how to kiss without bruising. Ow, but it's the best pain I've ever felt.

"You don't want to do that-" all I can think is that I just threw up a few minutes ago.

"Don't tell me what I want." He growls. His fingers move into my hair as he deepens the kiss, making it drag out. My eyes hood and I smile softly against his lips, "I missed you too."

His arm wraps around my neck and he pulls my cheek against his chest. My hand grips his jacket laple. As he stands, he takes me with him. He's letting me support my weight on his body. "Thank you." I rasp.

The light drizzle outside feels like heaven on my skin. My hand moves up his chest until it reaches his collar. I wrap my fingers around the metal necklace and whisper, "There's a way out of here. Shinji has a plan. No one else has to die."

Kiriyama raises an eyebrow and places a hand on top of mine. Obsidian eyes search my face as his fingers tug my hand away from his collar.

"Do you trust me?" I ask softly.

He only nods his head. A silent 'yes'. It seems like he's willing to follow my lead for right now. Slowly, we start making our way back into the woods. Kazuo supports me, he seems to understand that I need the extra help. After just a few minutes of walking, my legs fail me and I collapse.

Strong arms catch me before I hit the ground and he sits down, leaning back against the trunk of a large tree with me between his legs. I guess it's time for a break. It's okay to take a break. It's my understanding that our collars won't blow until tonight. There's time.

A relaxed sigh slips through my lips as I rest my head against the chest of the boy I've come to love. "I'm really glad you're okay, Kazuo." my voice is a soft murmur. His long fingers brush over my lips, moving down my throat, touching the tissue tucked into my collar.

"I think you know why that's there." I rasp. "You did the same thing...back in the cave…" I turn my gaze up toward his face. "What were you going to say? I think I'd die...if I never knew."

"Nothing of any importance." he murmurs. I'm surprised he said that much.

"I don't believe you."

"I never said you should."

This almost feels like a real conversation. Every word he speaks makes me more and more afraid to push him any further. I know at some point he'll stop talking and it'll be cold day in hell before I hear his voice again.

"I'm really...trying not to cry, Kazuo." my voice quips. "I don't want to be a crybaby all the time...but...this….I think this is my limit."

"Be thankful for your tears." he sounds so hollow, so empty. "I see this girl...that….I can't imagine a world without...she's been mutilated by a miserable cunt and….I have no tears to shed. I want to cry, Kaoru."

"Really?" my voice is a ghost of a whisper.

Kazuo nods his head sullenly, "There is nothing in this world I cannot do except feel. I find myself in a constant state of boredom...struggling to entertain myself. I tried everything at least once. It became very clear very quickly that my boredom would never be satiated. The only time...anything really did something for me was when I thought of you."

"Of my voice?" I ask softly.

"Exactly. Only, it's a bit more than that. You say voice, and you think I only remember a sound. You were this strange girl who acted as though not knowing my name would be the end of the world. We had never even met. When my world was going black, when I thought I was going to die, you called me back." His eyes turn toward the sky. I watch as raindrops trickle down his face. "After my accident, I met so many people. Doctors, geniuses, some of the world's most unique and brilliant minds. No one ever made an impression, the way you did. When I thought of you, I thought….all that screaming and crying over a stranger...she must hold so much fire inside. Such passion. I thought, she must drive herself crazy." his thumb brushes my ear lobe. "You feel enough for the both of us, Kaoru. Never stop going crazy over me." his hand drops from my ear to my chin, tipping my face up to look up at him. "Cry for me." his voice rasps. He seems out of breath. "I'm fine." he whispers. "It's been years since I've spoken this much at once."

Just when I thought I had no more tears to cry, they start rolling down my cheeks. "There's nothing else you need to say." I cry softly. I hook my left arm around his neck and rest my delicate chin on his shoulder as I let it all out. The sobs that escape my throat are violent and ugly. Crocodile tears roll down my cheeks as I tremble against him. It's a painful cry, the kind that drains you heart and soul. Only it goes a step further and drains the marrow from your bones as well. I'm crying for everyone and everything, for my arm, for mitsuko, for Chigusa, for Hiroki and Kotohiki, for Shinji, for Noa, for Kazuo…

The fabric of his shirt wrinkles as I grip it in my hand. He doesn't move, he's a pillar of strength, perfectly still, like a statue. I draw in a breath and grit my teeth as I continue to cry myself dry.

Silently, without warning, he starts to stand up. When he does he takes me with him, helping me to my feet. His hands make an attempt at being gentle when he tugs Shinji's jacket off of me. My eyes stare at him in confusion as he ties the tan school jacket around my waist. The knot rests on my hip as the jacket now has one arm and he's used the leftover sleeve and part of the bottom corner to tie it off. Kazuo's shoulders shift slightly as he removes his black jacket and places it over my shoulders. He guides my left arm into the sleeve slowly and then helps to move what's left of my right into the other. "Kazuo-" he clamps his hand down over my mouth.

When he pulls that hand away, his nimble fingers tie the right sleeve of his jacket into a knot at the end of my residual limb. I bite my lower lip and stare into his eyes, watching him through my tears. "Thank you." it's a small whimper that slips from my bruised lips. He simply nods and starts to walk away. "Wait, just a second." my voice cracks as I go to wipe my face with my right hand only to be disappointed. I draw in a deep breath and wipe my eyes on my left arm.

Kazuo looks back at me over his shoulder. The arch of his brow demands an explanation for my slowing us down any further. "There's just one thing...I need to do." my voice is small, broken. "You can wait here if you don't want to come with me." I turn my back to him and start walking back toward the warehouse. Mud sloshes beneath his shoes and I know he's following me.

It isn't a long walk. We didn't make it very far to begin with. I walk back inside through the open door. Kazuo sees this as an opportunity to check for any weapons he might want. He kneels beside Kotohiki and grabs up her gun. "I think it's empty. She fired quite a few-"

He just glares at me over his shoulder. Dark eyes say, 'Hush, you have no idea what you're talking about'. He's not wrong. Apparently, her gun is not empty because he drops it in his duffel bag.

Finally, I kneel beside Hiroki. "I'm really sorry that I didn't come in with you." I say softly as I gently brush his hair back with my fingers. "I made Shinji a promise to bring you back and I failed you both." I hoped that he would have something of importance on his person, something meaningful that I could bring back to Shinji, but he doesn't. I settle for his uniform tie. My fingers work it loose until it's balled up in my hand.

Carefully, I slip the tie into the pocket of Kiriyama's black jacket. "Rest easy, Hiroki." I move to get up and find it difficult. Kazuo grabs me by a handful of my hair and tugs me to my feet. As he walks past Mitsuko, he grabs her sickle and tosses it my way. I chirp and hop to the side. The blade spins past me and crashes to the floor behind me making quite a ruckus as it lands.

The dark eyed boy turns to face me and arches a brow. "I'm...I mean I was...right handed." I let out a small squeak. "There was no way….I was going to catch-" in the middle of my speaking, he turns his back to me and starts to stroll back out the door. He seems to think there's no excuse for my not being ambidextrous. I grab up the sickle and tuck it into the back belt loop of my shorts, the way Mitsuko hid it before.

When we leave, I close the door behind me with a soft kick. It seems it's going to rain all day. As we walk, we're silent. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to say to Shinji. I'll have to break the news to him about Hiroki. We need to get back before the next announcement, I don't want Shinji to find out about his friend over the intercom. That would just be...so rough. After that, there's the matter of getting him to take Kazuo with us. I really do think we can talk it out. Almost. I almost think that. We've all had to do awful things since we've been on this island. Even I...killed someone. I will find a way to honor Mizuho as well. I'll make sure I remember them all, but I can't do that if I don't make it out of here. I have no choice, I have to convince Shinji to let Kazuo come with us.

We've switched gears and he's following me now. I can feel his intense eyes scanning my every move. I imagine it's an interesting change. When I glimpse my reflection in a puddle as we pass, I don't really recognize myself. I'm not sure my own father would recognize me.

The rain is starting to let up, though it doesn't look like the sky will be clear anytime soon. I kick a wet leaf off the toe of my sneaker and trudge forward. _Let's see. _My thoughts whisper. _Reasons Kazuo should be allowed to help blow up the watch tower. Reason #1...he's really good at...blowing things up….Reason #2...he's a human being with a right to live….Reason #3...He's ridiculously smart and could totally contribute….Reason #4….It's….in his best interest to behave himself if he wants to live? Reason #5….I'm a murderer too and if he stays so do I. I think that's a decent enough case. _

As we make our way past the house I last saw Noriko in, Kazuo hooks an arm around my waist and helps me balance on the way down the hill. "Thank you." I mumble softly. I can actually see the building Shinji and the guys are set up in, in the distance. There's a truck sitting outside of it now. "When we get there, please just….let me talk to my friend. We will...figure everything out." my voice is sincere but uncertain. "I'm really counting on you to cooperate."

He nods his head, telling me that he understands completely. I draw in a deep breath as we make our way across the field. Every step I take brings me closer and closer to having an argument I am terrified to lose and it makes my heart race. "Just...stay behind me." I whisper softly, feeling my throat go dry.

I reach out and grip the door handle, giving it a gentle push. It creaks open and I bite my lower lip. "Shinji…"

_**Dead~**_

Girl #11


	17. Ignite

_**Ignite **_

_**Day three continued**_

_**11:10 am**_

Shinji has been staring at me with cold eyes for about six straight minutes now. His back is leaned against his computer desk and his fingers are thumping against the surface impatiently. Kazuo is standing behind me. So far he's been pretty still. Despite Seto and Iijima shaking in their boots as they point weapons in his direction. Seto has a blowtorch, probably the one we're going to be using later and Iijima has Shinji's gun.

"Shinji-"

"Don't 'Shinji' me." his voice rasps. "What the hell am I supposed to say, Kaoru? I let you head out to find Hiroki and now he's dead, you're missing a fucking arm and now you're asking me to save the life of a complete psychopath."

"For the twelfth time…" I try to stay calm. "Kazuo did not kill...Hiroki...Kotohiki did."

"Why? Why would she do that, Kaoru? Explain that to me." He's starting to lose his cool again.

"He scared her." I retort quickly. "He walked in yelling her name and she fired at him. She was scared, we all are-"

"And what happened to Kotohiki?" his lower lip quivers.

"Mitsuko killed her…."

"And remind me again, why did Mitsuko attack you?" He quips.

"She thought…." my voice trails off.

"She thought that she could use you to ensnare him." he thrusts a finger toward Kazuo.

"That isn't his fault, Shinji and you know it."

"Kaoru-"

"I've given you several reasons for why he should be allowed to stay." That was the truth, I'd exhausted my list from earlier.

"Kaoru-"

"And you've given me one reason for why he can't, and it's invalid because I've killed too." I snap.

"He enjoys killing." Shinji hisses.

_Time to play a card I know he'll adhere to. _"He saved my life on numerous occasions. I owe him." Shinji is a very honorbound person. He believes in keeping promises and honoring debts.

My ex sighs and runs his fingers through his dark hair. "Damn it, Kaoru."

"You can't be serious!" Seto squeaks.

"Quiet!" Shinji throws his hand up. "I have some conditions."

I glance back at Kazuo. I nod and he offers me a look of understanding. My gaze shifts back to Shinji. "What are they?"

"I want his weapons, at least until...it's time." his lips pressed into a hard line. I hear the duffle bag hit the floor. Thank goodness. Kazuo is being agreeable. Well...that thought makes my stomach turn.

"Next…" I whisper, knowing there must be more.

"I want him restrained."

My eyes go wide. "Like an animal?" I grit my teeth.

"No. Like a serial killer with no functional limbic system." Shinji retorts and I can see in his eyes that he's very satisfied with his response.

"He surrenders completely until I give the word or it's no deal, Kaoru." his voice makes it final. I know I can't argue past this point.

"And when the time comes?" It's my final question.

"When the time comes, he's free as long as he agrees to contribute."

I draw in a sharp breath and turn to face Kazuo. "He'll keep his word." I promise.

Kazuo moves slowly, Iijima jumps a bit and Seto steps back rather than forward. Long fingers trail over my cheeks, his hands cup my face and he presses a bruising kiss to my lips. As his other hand moves to my hip, he kicks the duffel back toward Shinji and my heart all but stops. It's final.

The kiss breaks and Shinji is already going through the duffel bag. I can see it in his eyes, he's unhappy about what he's looking at. Finally he pulls the rope from the bottom of the weapons bag. He just stares for a moment and then he looks up at me.

Beside the desk I spent time sleeping on, there's a pipe that shoots down from the ceiling. It's thin, I'm not sure what it was used for. "There's a pretty big dog cage in the other room." Seto pipes up.

"Absolutely not." I shoot back immediately. "That pipe right there should work just-" no one is listening to me. Iijima and Shinji have already hauled off into the other room. My dark eyes turn toward Kazuo, who looks like he doesn't care one way or the other. "I'm really sorry." I murmur softly.

The cage is pretty big, obviously not big enough for a human but maybe for a rottweiler or a doberman. It's wiring is pretty tight knitted, the spaces between the mesh are pretty small. "Shinji this is a bit much." I move to cross my arms only to find that I no longer can. Damn it.

"Kaoru, I am taking every precaution. I do not trust him."

"He can hear you….in fact he's been able to hear you this entire time, in case you haven't noticed." I place my left hand on my hip.

"Good." the spiky haired male mutters as he pushes the cage right up against the desk his laptop is setup on. "Roll your sleeves up." Shinji speaks and it's a command. "I want to be able to see this rope around your wrists at all times."

I bite my lip and watch as Kazuo compiles without complaint. His long fingers work his sleeves up until they cuff around his elbows. I really hate to see it happen like this, but it's the only way Shinji will allow it. "Hands behind your back." Another command. Kazuo turns his back toward us and places his hands criss cross behind his waist.

The third man steps forward, carefully tying the rope into an intricate knot around Kiriyama's wrists. The cage door creaks open and I elect to help Kazuo climb inside. "I'm so sorry." I whisper as I watch him lean his back against the back of the cage, his shoulder presses into the corner. The cage is tall enough that he can sit up all the way, and wide enough that he has some wiggle room, but it's not very long and his legs bend slightly at the knees. After he locks the cage door, Shinji kneels beside Kiriyama and works a belt through the wiring of the cage. Deft fingers manage to snake it under Kazuo's arm and back out through the bars on the other side. I watch as he pulls the strap through the buckle, fastening Kazuo to the corner of the cage.

"Now that that matter is dealt with." Shinji claps his hands together and turns his gaze toward me. "You and I need to talk."

I draw in a deep breath as I follow him into the next room. In all honesty, I don't want to leave Kazuo. Once in the next room, Shinji looks me over and I lean my back against the wall. "First things first, are you alright?"

"Not really." I answer honestly.

"Why would Mitsuko do something so awful?" he asks as he crossed his arms though his eyes are filled with concern.

"She said….a lot of things." My gaze shifts toward his face. "I'm sure I did something to earn this...I just...don't know what." my voice rasps.

Shinji shakes his head, "Kaoru, there is nothing in this world you could have done to earn being mutilated like this." I feel his hand on my shoulder. "Do I need to look at it? Is it cauterized? What did she do it with-"

I swing around so he can see the scythe hanging from my back belt loop. "Yes, it's cauterized….I'd be dead if it weren't." I muse, trying to laugh but I just can't. "And she used this." I wiggle my hips a bit.

"Must have been an aggressive cut." I can hear some shock in his voice. "And you know what I mean. "You can't just burn something like that shut, it's too close to your heart...I...we have to take care of that before we do anything else or you could die of infection."

I bite my lower lip "Shinji, I don't want anyone touching my…..arm."

"I understand that it's a sensitive topic right now but-"

"I said no."

"Kaoru."

"No."

"Jacket off, let me see the damage you've done."

"No." I swing back around and hold my left hand out in front of me. "Shinji if you take one more step toward me-"

"Why are you being so stubborn?" he asks clearly getting tired of this.

"Because it's my problem, not yours. It's my arm, not yours. And I don't want anyone else touching it! Okay?" I shout. My legs feel weak, my stomach twists into a tight knot.

"Kaoru, I know you're feeling-"

"No, you don't!" I snap as my head starts to feel light. "You have no idea what it feels like...it's not just...painful, Shinji! This is so abnormal...and part of me….part of me is laying in a warehouse in the middle of this fucking hellhole island-"

His hands cup my face and he backs me against the wall, trapping me there with his body. "You aren't yourself right now, Kaoru. You're not thinking." his voice is calm, he's picking my head up so I have to look at him. "Listen to me-"

"Of course I'm not myself. How can I be? Shinji look at me!" my voice cracks when I raise it to much.

"I am." he whispers softly, "It's almost hard. When I've known you as long as I have...hearing you curse...seeing you...so comfortable with your body being exposed...hearing you yell...such a big change in two days...I hardly know how to respond...but I do know that you can't lose yourself tonight." his fingers push my bangs away from my face. "I need to see what you did to your arm…"

I whimper "Shinji it hurt so bad...I-" I know he needs to see it. I know there's no way I did it right. "I-I'm scared...Shinji-" my breathing is becoming shallow.

"Come here." He slips his arm beneath my legs and lifts me bridal style. My body is cradled against his chest as he walks me back into the other room. "Let's handle this. We'll talk later." Shinji sets me down on the table I once slept on. I can see Kazuo staring at me through the bars of the cage, over Shinji's shoulder. He pulls the sickle from my belt loop and sets it to the side.

"Let's get this off." his fingers peel Kiriyama's jacket away from my body.

"Okay." I whisper trying to calm myself. He casts the jacket to the floor and his eyes fill with deep concern. "You didn't bandage it after...you just...shit." his voice rasps.

"I didn't actually know what to do...I just knew to tourniquet it and then burn myself." I admit in a squeak.

"We have to clean this...and...cauterize it again...you slowed the bleeding but...it's still…"

"Did you just say we have to cauterize it again?" I feel my face turn three shades lighter.

"Unfortunately." He retorts softly. "But carefully...we don't want to give you third degree burns and…" his hand turns my face back toward him. "Kaoru, have I ever hurt you?"

"No." I whimper.

"I never will. We need to do this."

Seto and Iijima are watching from the other side of the room. Even they look concerned and neither of them like me all that much. "Shinji...before you start...I wanted to give you something."

"What's that?" He asks quietly.

"It's in the pocket of Kazuo's jacket."

He raises an eyebrow at me like he may have actually been concerned. Slowly he kneels down and goes into the pocket. His fingers pull Hiroki's tie out and he looks toward me as he curls his fingers around it.

"It's Hiroki's." I explain softly. "I wanted to bring you something more important but that was all he had."

"Kaoru...you'd just lost your arm and this was what you were worried about?"

I nod my head slowly.

Shinji steps forward and kisses me full on the mouth "You haven't lost yourself." my eyes are wide as his lips pull into a sweet smile. "You're still you." Something shakes and a flashlight falls from Shinji's computer desk. The portable light smacks the floor and we both jump a bit turning toward Kazuo.

He shrugs to the best of his ability, staring at me with the most innocent expression I've ever seen him make. I crack a small smile and look Shinji in the eye, "I know you were happy...but please don't kiss me like that again, Shinji." my voice is sweet.

"It's not like he gets jealous." Iijima mumbles, now standing beside Kazuo's cage.

I draw in a long sigh, "Not in the same sense that you do but the point is I said no. So stop." I snap at the long haired boy.

He ignores me. "Shinji is there anything else?"

"Load it up." He murmurs in response. He's referring to the truck. Seto and Iijima disappear into the next room to start carrying the bombs Shinji created outside.

A small sigh slips from my lips. Iijima is correct, Kazuo doesn't get jealous in the traditional sense but he can see Shinji touch me and not like it. Emotions aren't the only determining factor in what one likes and dislikes. After all, he seems to take a liking to a challenge. I'm not sure just how shot his limbic system is but I know it can't be destroyed completely. That part of the brain deals with more than just emotion, it also helps to process memory, which he has seemingly no issues with. His perception of emotion is skewed but not nonexistent. That smile on his face when he finally comes across a challenge, like when he fought Mitsuko or when he found Kawada's traps...that smile says he finds some kind of satisfaction in a challange. Kazuo is capable of likes and dislikes. He can become uncomfortable and even excited, it's just processed differently for him then other people.

"It won't happen again." Shinji mutters as he starts looking over the end of my residual limb. "Let's clean this up and close it properly."

"And…" I quip, "You know what you're doing?"

He nods, "My uncle taught me quite a bit." as he steps back his eyes roam over my face. He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs, "We're going to need a knife. I don't want to use one that's been inside of someone else so I'll be right back. Don't move."

Shinji is exhausted, I know he is. When he walks, he slouches. He never slouched like that before. I chew my lower lip and turn my eyes to Kazuo. He's watching me. "I will be alright." I offer the orange haired male a small, uncertain smile. I know this is going to hurt like hell. Kiriyama only nods his head curtly.

Shinji walks back into the room. In his hand he's carrying a burlap sack. "I found what we'll need. Just try to bare with me, Kaoru. Like I said, I will never hurt you."

I nod my head and feel my heart starting to race. "So...what exactly are you going to do?"

"First things first, I'm going to clean it." His hand feels over the table, picking up a familiar scrap of cloth. I bite my lip as he soaks it in peroxide.

"Where's the...ruler?" I quip.

Shinji raises an eyebrow "It's not exactly something you can put in your mouth anymore, Kaoru. I used it to measure-"

I cut him off "I get it, it's covered in chemicals...what can I bite down on?"

He draws in a deep breath and says "I'm clean, just a heads up."

"What?" I'm cut off when he slams his thumb into my mouth and presses the cloth to my stump. The burn runs through my skin worse than ever before and I bite down, screaming around Shinji's finger. He hisses through his teeth but doesn't jerk his hand back or stop.

Deft fingers work circles into my burned skin through the soaked fabric of the cloth. Tears line my eyes and roll over my cheeks as my hand grips the table ledge. I feel myself biting down on him, I don't want to be, but I can't seem to unhinge my jaw. The pain is just too much.

When he drops the rag on the desk, he wiggles his thumb against my tongue, groaning a bit. His free hand moves to the back of my head, stroking my hair. "Good girl." he murmurs against my forehead. "I...I need that back now." he sounds like he's holding back tears. My lips quiver as I open up my mouth and release him.

"Shinji." my voice shakes. "Why? There must be something else for me to-"

"Kaoru, there is nothing in this place you could fit in your mouth that wouldn't snap or poison you at this point. If I had another option, I would have opted for it. Trust me." he's trying to laugh.

My eyes shift toward his hand, he isn't bleeding but I can see deep imprints from my teeth in his flesh. "It's not over yet...is it?"

"No. I'm gonna go grab the knife." he explains softly, turning his back to me.

As he disappears into the other room I draw in a deep breath. The fact that I'm hurting him in the process only makes it hurt more. My fingers pinch at my tear ducts as I try to stop myself from crying anymore. I turn my eyes toward the ceiling and continue to chew my lower lip nervously.

"You're doing great. Just keep it up." Shinji says reassuringly as he positions himself between my knees once more. "Look at me."

I do as I'm told. His hand touches my face and he looks me right in the eye "You can do this, Kaoru. You did it once already, I just need to clean it up a bit...you know? Fix what you missed.'

I nod slowly drawing in a deep breath. "Please don't put your finger-"

"I can't have you biting your tongue out." he stops me.

"Shinji, I'm not gonna be the one to bite your thumb off."

"There are worse things." he smiles a sad smile. "Say 'ahhh'.."

Our eyes meet, my heart begins to race and my mouth opens slowly. The hot blade rests against my skin and I scream out. I don't want to hurt him anymore so I fight biting him. I don't close my mouth. Just scream. The smell of my burning flesh fills the air and tears roll down my cheeks as I tear into the surface of the desk with my nails, leaving claw marks that will last until the wood is no more.

He moves the knife, pain radiates from that point up through my shoulder. When he moves a third time my teeth clamp down on his finger and the taste of his blood fills my mouth. Shinji doesn't scream, just grunts loudly and grits his teeth. I know I'm hurting him but the pain I'm in is nearly blinding. Hot tears burn in the corners of my eyes. A clank fills the air as Shinji sets the knife aside. "It's over." he quips and he sounds so weak.

My mind is all but numb as I blink my vision into focus, unhinging my jaw as lines of light cross together across my eyes forming an image. He pulls his hand back, placing it on the side of my face as he leans his forehead against mine. We're both crying, I can see that now. "I'm so sorry, Shinji." I whimper pathetically.

"Don't be. You did...so good, Kaoru. I am so proud of you."

"But I hurt you-"

"You didn't bite your tongue out, that's all I care about." he stops me right there.

"Let's just bandage that up." his voice rasps as he grabs a roll of gauze from behind me.

The first thing he does, is tighten my tourniquet a bit. Next he wraps what's left of my limb in bandages with careful hands. My eyes find their way to the bite on his thumb as blood drips from it. Knowing I did that makes my stomach hurt.

"There." He guides my arm back into Kazuo's jacket as he draws it up over my shoulders. "I wish I had something more to give you." his thumb moves across my exposed stomach. "For this."

"She just scratched me there." I whimper. "It's fine."

"I can see that but I meant…."

"Oh..yeah….naval." I quip. "I hardly care about small obscenities anymore...Shinji." my words form slowly, "Thank you….for everything." the desk creaks as I slide forward and my feet touch the floor. It's not the best idea, my head's still spinning from the pain and also my furthered lack of balance.

I fall to my knees in front of Kazuo's cage and my fingers curl into the spaces between the metal workings. "Are you holding up alright?" my voice is soft.

He simply nods his head and I smile in silent response.

"Is everything okay?" Iijima asks as he and Seto walk back into the room.

"All good in here, how about out there?" Shinji retorts quickly as he make his way to his laptop.

"It's done." Seto pipes up first. I suppose that means the truck is loaded up with the explosives.

"Great work." Shinji smirks softly as he snaps his fingers and points to the spot beside him. "Kaoru, a moment."

"Okay." I rest my arm across the top of Kazuo's cage and pull myself to my feet with a small grunt.

When I take a seat beside him, Shinji's hands move toward my neck. "You're going to have to trust me, okay." he covers my mic and his own and leans in slowly, whispering, "I'm going to see if I can really hack these things now….I want to start with yours...just relax. I need a steady hand."

I tilt my head back and stare up at the ceiling. I can feel him moving my collar ever so slowly. I think he's trying to look inside of it. "That's what I thought." his voice is a little cocky as he turns back to his computer.

His deft fingers glide over his keyboard as a series of codes that I don't understand scroll down the screen. "No turning back." Shinji states softly.

"I'm taking everything." a loud click fills the air as he pushes the enter key.

I hear a siren somewhere in the distance. It's loud and I feel like if we were any close to it's source our ears would bleed.

"What did you do?" my voice is a rasp.

"I knew there was no way their system was all that intricate." As he speaks he snaps my collar with a pair of pliers. It breaks swiftly and Shinji holds it in his hand. "I don't have much time to explain. They'll reboot their systems. We have about seven minutes to get these collars off."

He passes me the pliers and my fingers shake a bit as I free him the way he did me. "That's my girl. Seto!" Shinji throws the hand tool threw the air. Seto scrambles to catch it and he and Iijima take turns removing one another's necklaces.

"So what's the plan?" I ask breathlessly. I can't believe we've made it this far.

Iijima drops the pliers in my left hand as Shinji shoves the keys for the truck into his pocket. My footsteps are quick as I make my way toward Kazuo. The cage door opens with a squeak and I struggle my way inside. "Hold still." I whisper as I grip his collar with the pliers.

It offers some resistance but breaks the same way the rest did. Kiriyama stares into my eyes as I reach around him to loosen the knot binding his wrists. My breath hitches a bit. It's already untied. My brow furrows and I frown a bit. "Kazuo."

His eyes glint a bit but the small smirk on his face says, _It made them feel safe. _"We're running out of time." Shinji barks. "Let's move."

A loud groan escapes my lips as Kazuo puts his foot in my stomach and all but kicks me out of the cage. Shinji snaps "What the fuck?"

"He's just-"I roll over to the best of my ability, choking on my own saliva, "Trying to make good time."

"It's not an excuse-"

"Shinji leave it be, I'm fine." I squeak as I hobble around the side of the cage, fumbling with the belt to free Kazuo completely.

"This isn't over." Mimura promises as Kazuo grabs up his duffel bag of weapons.

"I'm okay." I smile softly as the spiky haired teen stands before us, like a leader.

"We'll talk about it later." His lips press into a hard line. "We have no idea what comes after this, we have to fight as hard as we can, for our right to live. This won't be easy, but that isn't going to stop us. Is everyone armed?"

My ex and dear friend reaches out, handing Iijima the flame thrower. "You will be lighting the bombs on my signal."

"Cool." Iijima muses, his eyes say that he's proud despite being afraid.

"I have a sickle and a pocket knife." I respond softly.

"Good." Shinji nods his head curtly. "Seto?"

We all look toward Seto who is gripping a kitchen knife in his shaking hand. "I-I have this."

At this point, I look to Kazuo, who is a walking armory. Kiriyama rolls his eyes and goes into his bag, hurling a small pistol Seto's way. I bite my lower lip. _It's not even being fired right now, Kaoru. Calm down. _

"Thanks…" Seto quips as he picks the gun up off the floor.

"Thank you…" Shini repeats as some pride drains from his dark eyes.

Kazuo remains silent.

"Alright, one last thing." Shinji glances over his shoulder and then back to us, "Seto, Iijima, Kaoru...you are three of the most important people in my life. Thank you, for everything."

It's a short potential goodbye but we don't have much time. One the count of three, we drop our broken collars on the floor and bolt out the door one after the other. The rain has stopped completely but it's still dark. Clouds still cloak the sky. The air is humid. An awful screech sounds from the base as the siren continues to sound. There's a beacon, I can see it through the trees. Flashing bright red.

A loud gasp breaks from the depths of my throat as Shinji throws his arm out in front of me. A loud purr fills the air as mercedes G wagon comes rolling down the hill. I can hear our collars blowing up inside the broken down building behind us. The bombs are small, but loud and powerful. The smell of smoke comes next. "Shinji…" I quip. "What now...we can't…"

"I'm sorry, Kaoru." he pulls his gun from his waist band and fires. The sound makes my ears ring, my stomach twists into a knot but I stand my ground. One tire on their wagon flattens and it spins out of control.

The next rounds fired are Kazuo's. I whimper as the windows break and blood flies. Another mercedes follows. How many are they going to send? "Give me the keys." my voice shakes.

"Kaoru…"

"Don't argue with me Shinji. I've had enough." he hands me the key and I grip it tightly. "Let's go Iijima."

"Keep her safe." Shinji demands as he cocks his gun.

"Shinji-" Iijima starts but is cut off.

"GO!" Shinji screams as the wind picks up.

My heart pounds against my rib cage as Iijima and I dart toward the truck full of Shinji's explosives. My balance is off but I keep moving, keep pushing myself toward the end goal. I will not die here. I will not die here. I will not die here. Behind me I can hear the fight. The bloodbath ensuing. Bullets fly back and forth and mortal cries spill from paling lips. I pray that Kazuo Shinji and Seto make it out alright.

Iijima is behind me, I can hear him breathing, he's trying to keep up. The truck is right in front of us now. The siren is all that I can hear, it's awful squawking fills my ears as I hurl myself forward. _I will not die here. _

I feel myself moving faster than I ever have in the past. I feel my heart racing, everything is coming to fruition. Every moment from this point on will count. We can't afford to fail. With a loud grunt, I yank the door open. Iijima runs around to the passenger side and climbs inside. My hand grips the wheel as I pull my body up into the seat. The minimum driving age in japan is eighteen. Neither of us know how to drive. We'll figure it out. Iijima reaches across my lap and closes my door.

"Thanks." I draw in a deep breath as I jam the key into the ignition. One hard turn and the truck roars to life.

"What now?" I quip looking around, knowing there was more to do.

"Put it in drive?" Iijima murmurs as my hand finds the clutch. I thrust the truck into drive and push my foot down onto the accelerator. My hand on the wheel, I squeak nervously.

"Holy shit we're moving." my voice is a terrified squeal.

"You're doing good." Iijima fumbles with the flare gun in his lap as we tear across the field. I'm doing no such thing. We're swerving all over the place. I can't seem to straighten us out.

"Kaoru-"

"Iijima." I grit my teeth.

"You can do this okay...just…" something goes up in flames and a loud pop fills the air. "What was that?"

"I don't know! Don't ask me!" everything that leaves my mouth is a frantic mess.

"Look out! LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!" The panicked teen reaches over and pulls the wheel toward him. We swing past Shinji and I scream at the top of my lungs. "Head toward the hill!"

"I'm sorry!" I whimper. "I'm sorry." We fly past Kazuo, a wide sickly energetic grin mares his features and my stomach twists. We're speeding toward the two military wagons. A soldier climbs from the back of the wagon further to the left and leans down into a position beside it. Bullets continue to cut through the air. One by one bodies clad in camouflage hit the ground.

The building we'd been holed up in is engulfed in flames. The fire is spreading, windows shatter and burning debris flies through the air. Something shoots down in front of us, I swerve to avoid it. Our tires squeal and I feel like crying.

With so many people, moving so fast it's hard to avoid them all. Still, I want to take the most direct root to the clearing and this is it. The man hiding near the wagon is on the move. He rounds the wagon and bolts out into my path.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" I squeal as my hand grips the wheel.

"Kaoru don't take your foot off the-" The tires squeal as I push even harder on the accelerator. A loud crack fills the air and the truck rocks as we roll forward. I can see the man lying on the ground in the rearview mirror.

"Sorry!" I cry out as we finally make it to the clearing and start up the hill.

"He'll be fine…..probably..." Iijima tries to make me feel better. "You did good."

"How does it look back there?" I quip.

"Our guys are still standing...the hideout is going up in flames...ya know...typical tuesday…"

I actually crack a small smile as we roll up over the hill. My lips peel back as I draw in a deep breath. "We can do this."

"Damn straight." Iijima retorts as we roll through the woods. It's a bumpy ride. We're driving over roots and felled tree branches. The paths are narrow and winding.

"What if we did a bad thing?" I ask softly. "What if our breech was enough to make them...kill everyone else...what if Noriko…"

"Don't think like that." Iijima stops me quickly. "They're so occupied with us right now they're not even paying attention to anything else."

"You are….probably right…" I whisper.

As we draw nearer, the siren grows louder. It threatens to shatter my ear drums as I breathe slowly. "This is it?"

"Yeah...that's gotta be the watchtower."

It has to be. The building isn't huge but it's the most well preserved thing on this island. It's made up of different metals and looks like little more than a large two floor shed. Behind it, is the beacon. Bright red reflects off the steel roof top.

"How does this work?"

"Thermite is weird...normal fire can't light it...it's gotta be burning magnesium according to Shinji so….I'll light it...and you'll drive the truck through the wall….Kaoru are you sure you want to do this? I can-"

"Iijima."

"Seriously...I still have both my arms...you could light it...I can-"

"Iijima…"

"What?"

"I'm expendable...you're not. You will be a better help to them than I will...if one of us has to risk death right now….it needs to be me…" I close my eyes and smile warmly. I don't intend to die here...but I have to think about my friends too. Plus….I think I can do this.

"I told Shinji I would protect you…" his voice rasps.

"I can take care of myself, Iijima. Light it up."

"Okay…" he whimpers as he climbs out of the truck. As he makes his way around back, I make sure my door is unlocked and open it so that it's not latched either. I need to be able to jump right out.

I draw in a sharp breath and brush my fingers against the bow wrapped around my knee. "We've got this, Noa." I whisper with a small smile.

The flame thrower makes a weird noise. It doesn't escape my attention that it will no doubt catch the back half off the truck on fire before it burns through the magnesium wicks. In the mirror, I can see Iijima backing up and that's my cue to move. My fingers grip the wheel and I push down on the accelerator. The truck flies forward and my heart beats a thousand miles an hour. I'm dizzy, the siren is so loud, the flashing red light is so bright...and then...everything is fire.


	18. Sail

**Sail**

_**Day three continued**_

_**12:15 am**_

My body rolls violently across the ground. Loud ringing fills my ears and all the air is forcibly knocked from my lungs. _We did it…._

Shaking hands pull me up off the ground. A groan spills from my lips. _Iijima? It's gotta be. _The inside of my head is such a mess. The impact from the explosion has left my mind suspended in a strange void. Nothing feels real right now. I'm being moved, tugged away from the burning building. The ground slides out from under my feet. I stumble.

My vision is blurred. The blaze is bright though I am a good distance away now. I'm laying in Iijima's lap. The back of my head is rested against his chest. "Did we do it?" I quip, my voice just a ghost of a rasp.

"Yeah." Iijima is breathless. "You did it...you blew it sky high." _We did it._ The watchtower is done for. A calm hand moves over my forehead. "You're a pretty cool girl, Kenta." his voice is small. "Ya did good, Shinji's gonna be so proud."

Sharp crackles fill the air as the watch tower starts to cave into itself. The fire is melting it's very structure. I can hear cries from inside. Burning to death is an awful way to go...but...not as awful as dying at the hands of someone you care about. Maybe what happened here today will be a lesson learned. Maybe they will stop forcing people like us to play this insane game.

Iijima helps me to my feet and I lean against him. My clothes are singed a bit. I don't really care. This nightmare is over. Everything is going to be okay now. For awhile, we're quiet. The walk is slow and almost harmonious.

"I gotta ask…"

"Oh dear…" I sigh softly. "What is it?"

"Did you...really just stop caring about Shinji? I gotta know...before I decide to forgive you."

"No, I never stopped caring about Shinji." I explain softly. "It was...so complicated and hard...and-"

"Say no more, Kaoru. That's all I needed to know. The rest is between you two." He gives me a small pat on the back. I glance around, at the trees and the skid marks in the dirt. I bite my lip and wonder who is lying where. It's hard to really think about everyone being dead. I can almost feel Chigusa jogging past me, with Hiroki close behind. It's an eerie feeling and I move to draw my arms around myself only to feel my left hand on my right side. Right...I only have one arm.

"Are you okay?" Iijima asks as we cross into the clearing, making our way down the hill.

"Yes...I'm fine...it's just…..everyone is….dead…"

"Not everyone." he tries to stay positive.

"Oh my…" my eyes go wide as the field is revealed before me. The fire has spread across the vast space. Flames reach for the sky and catch on dead bodies...and the parked wagons. It's a mess. A mess of death, confusion and debris. I can't see anyone. The blaze is bright. "KAZUO!" I scream so loud my throat burns.

"SHINJI! SETO!" Iijima shouts in the direction opposite of me.

Our cries go unanswered. "Something is wrong." my voice shakes softly. "Where are they?"

"I...I don't know, but we're gonna figure this out." he's trying to stay calm but I can hear the fear in his voice.

It appears the second mercedes was the last one sent before the watch tower blew up. The ground is littered with bodies of fallen soldiers. We are careful not to trip over them. My eyes turn toward the building we'd all hid out in just an hour ago. Blazing flames reach for the sky and I can't make out much of our hideout anymore. Aside from the wind and the flames and the dying siren in the background I can hear only one sound. Gunfire. In the distance, somewhere behind the burning building.

"They're still fighting." my voice rasps.

"Well…." I can hear Iijima swallow the knot in his throat. "Let's go help them."

"Right." I bolt forward. My lungs burn as I fly across the field on trembling legs.

"We've made it this far, we're not gonna lose to them now!" Iijima shouts as he catches up to me, keeping my speed.

A grunt slips from my lips as I round a mercedes. My foot catches a lump on the ground and I fly forward, onto my knees, unable to catch myself without my right arm. "Ohhh…" I groan trying to pick myself up. "Iijima…"

He doesn't answer me. I turn my head to the side, looking back at what I tripped over. My dark eyes go wide and a blood curdling scream erupts from the very depths of my throat. It's Seto. His entire body is riddled with bullet holes and his blood stains the grass. There is no peace on his face, his brown eyes are wide open and his breathing as ceased completely. He's gone. "No…" my voice is a tremor. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We did everything right. No. No. No.

An ugly sob breaks the silence and I turn my gaze up to Iijima who is now kneeling beside his dead friend, crying out in agony. "Iijima...I'm so sorry…" I quip.

"We should have been faster." He grits his teeth.

I swallow the knot in my throat, "We need to go, Shinji and Kazuo might need us right now...there...there isn't anything more we can do for Seto….except remember him." _I will. I will remember all of them. _

"You're right….you're right." He's still crying, but he moves and helps me up.

This is it. All of nothing. We set out toward the burning building once more. A dry kind of wind breaks against my face as the sky brings forth a mist of rain. I was wondering when it would start up again. Thunder cracks and lighting flashes. All I hear is the constant pitter patter of repeated gunfire.

The grass is slippery and I feel myself sliding a bit as I sprint. It's coming. The end of the line. "Hide." Iijima whimpers. "We don't know what's going on." his hand catches my sleeve. "Running in like this might be a bad idea…"

He's right. The two of us crawl into the shrubbery, using the terrain to hide. Crawling is difficult in my current condition, but I'm sort of managing a weird army crawl type of deal, it's all in my legs. Dirt clings to my knee and sullys the ribbon tied around my wound. I bite my lower lip as I push forward, crawling through the earth that's turning to mud. Damn this rain. Damn this heat. Damn this island.

Finally, I come to a place where I can peer around the trunk of a tree and look out onto the field, behind the used-to-be hideout. My hand flies up over my mouth as my knees knock together.

I was right. No more men made it here after the watch tower blew up. There isn't a soldier anywhere in sight. Behind the hide out, there is a great deal of garbage. Aside from literal trash there are Old tables, plastic chairs and even a couple of totally immobile vehicles. "Can you see anything past the smoke?" Iijima asks as he comes to sit beside me.

"Just….trash." my voice is soft.

"No Shinji?"

I shake my head "Mm mmm."

"Oh no." Iijima is already starting to panic.

"Don't…" I whisper. "I don't see him. All that means is he could still be alive."

In truth, I'm worried to. I won't admit that, I don't want to scare Iijima but I don't see Kazuo anywhere either. I don't like all this second guessing. Finally, I take a stand, "Iijima...stay here." only because he's still crying and I will do a much better job of moving quietly.

"Where are you going?" he asks frantically. I can see in his eyes that he doesn't want to be left alone.

"You've got this, big guy." I offer him a small smile as I shift to my feet, using the tree trunk for both support and cover. "Just stay right here. I want to see if I can find Shinji."

"But I-"

"You lit the bombs." my voice breaks softly. "You did your part. Just sit tight."

Finally, he gives in and nods his head, agreeing to stay put. My footsteps are quiet as I start to make my way around the bend. "Shinji." I whisper through my teeth hoping if he's hiding somewhere, he'll hear me. "Shinji where are you?" Smoke is thick and heavy on the air. It stings my eyes. The fire is spreading across the field, burning debris have turned a great deal of the shrubbery to kindling.

This one is a long shot. "Kazuo?" I ask the air knowing no one will answer me. He will more likely scare me before making himself known. My heart is starting to pound against my ribs and I draw in a sharp breath, "We did it guys….please….if either of you can hear me-" A loud crackling sound fills the air and I glance up.

Looming over my head is a tree branch, flames have eaten away at the place where it meets the trunk along with all of it's leaves. With a loud snap it falls. Sparks dance through the air and a forceful hand sends me flying forward. High pitched squeaks spill from my lips as my body rolls across the ground, to safety. My breathing is rigid. My head is swimming. That same hand grabs me up by a handful of my hair and I whine softly, "Kazuo...you're alright."

I turn to look at him, my eyes searching his face. A purple bruise mares his right temple. His lip is busted and his eyes are full of mirth. Long fingers mull over my face, as those mirthful eyes check me over. "What's going on? Where is Shinji?" I ask him just above a whisper. "Are there any more-" his hand moves into his duffel bag. "Kazuo what are you doing?" I start to back up, only to be slammed up against the trunk of a tree.

Something is off, I can feel it. My body writhes, I struggle against him. His dark eyes narrow and his hand strikes me hard across the face. It stings. "I said tell me what is going on!" I demand, it comes out in a shriek.

A twig breaks behind Kazuo. My eyes lid as I stare over his shoulder. Iijima walks up slowly. "Kaoru, I- I heard something fall and I got worried so I…"

"Iijima-"

Kazuo pulls one of his smaller guns from his waistband and without looking, shoots Iijima in the chest. A gasp escaped my trembling lips as the hole forms and blood seeps through his shirt. He cries out, tears roll down his cheeks, "It hurts!" he squeals. Kazuo shoots again. This time in the leg. I thrust my knee upward and the wild haired boy grunts as his knees knock together.

Every fiber of me is trembling as I rush toward Iijima who is laying on the ground now. Blood bubbles up at the corners of his mouth and spills over. "NO!" I sob as I stare down at him. "Kazuo what the hell did you do?" it's strangled but it comes out in a shout. He must have killed Seto too. Oh my….where is Shinji?

Dark eyes stare down at me. Iijima is choking on his own blood, I try to shift him onto his side. "STAY BACK!" I hiss loudly through gritted teeth. "Iijima just….just stay calm…" I sound so stupid. He's going to die. I know he's going to die. I just….I don't want him to know that. His breathing shakes and then stops all together.

"Why did you do this?" I hiss as I reach behind my back, freeing the sickle from my belt loop. "ANSWER ME!" I leap forward swinging the weapon sloppily. I'm not left handed and I don't know how to go about this but I'm livid. I'm done being walked all over. I don't care if I love him, I don't care how I feel when I'm with him, if he can't answer me I will kill him. "Why does there have to be-" I slice through the air, Kazuo dodges me gracefully. My outburst seems to amuse him, which pisses me off even more. "So-" I grunt and he catches my arm, twisting me around. "Much!" I slam my foot into his knee, he lets me go and I swing the sickle toward his face. "Unnecessary death!"

He catches the blade in his hand, wrapping his fingers around it as it cuts into his palm. My eyes widen as his blood mixes with rain drops on the metal. "Fucks sake Kazuo just answer me!" I cry, hot tears of anger roll down my cheeks. "We all could have gotten out of here!" I shake my head rapidly. "Why did you do this? I asked them to trust you and all you've done is prove them right! You're a mad dog!" I scream it so loud it burns my throat.

His free hand grabs the handle just below my own hand, one jerk and the sickle is lying on the ground. Warm crimson smears over my face as he grabs me, squeezing my cheeks with his fingers in a manner that makes my lips purse. A sickly grin tears across his features and my stomach twists into a knot.

"All death is necessary." he barks, throwing my body to the ground. "Stay out of my way, Kaoru."

"You're a liar!" I scream as I lean up onto my side. "It's got nothing to do with what's necessary and what's not! IT'S FUN FOR YOU! IT'S ABOUT ENTERTAINING YOURSELF!" hot tears roll vigorously down my cheeks as my breathing shakes.

The earth shifts beneath his feet as his boots track through the mud. He's walking away from me. He told me to stay. He expects me to be a good girl and do exactly that. He's done with this conversation. "KAZUO!" I shout it for the entire island to hear.

A gust of wind washes over my face as my tears mix with rain drops. He turns back toward me slowly. I try to blink my tears away. Kazuo kneels before me, dark eyes glint and his lips peel back. "Tell me, Kaoru….when did I lie about that?" he forcefully tips my chin up. "I told you, everything I do...is to make an attempt at entertaining myself. I gunned your friend down...and he wasn't even worth the bullets I wasted but the stir it made in your eyes was worth an entire clip. Pure ecstasy."

"You...You're…."

"I'm what?" he snickeres. "Say it."

"A monster!" I shout. "A creature! You're-"

"Yes, the creature you let yourself fall in love with." he gives my head a firm shake.

"I-" I whimper and it's pathetic. I can't even disagree with him. I do...I love him. My heart loves him. My body loves him. My head loves him. My memories….I...there isn't anything I can say.

"You can't even deny it, I can kill them all and you will still be mine." he drones a bit. Slowly, his hand slides away from my face and he stands back up. My head lulls, it hangs heavy with shame. "We can't all be saints, Kaoru."

"What about decent people?" I hiss.

"We can't all be that either, besides." He breaks for a moment. "I thought I wasn't a person…" he says blatantly.

"I didn't mean that." my tears cloud my vision.

"Of course you didn't. You could never mean anything so cruel, could you? You could never….stab a screaming girl to death….you could never abandon your friends based on new found feelings for a guy….you could never be just as evil as the rest of the world...you could never be…..a creature as you so eloquently put it….no….you are….innocent? Without sin?" his voice goes up at the end.

"Kazuo…" I sob.

"At least I can accept the truth. No human is truly good, even you, my angel, free of sin, broke under pressure."

"That isn't true…" my words are venomous.

"Now who's the liar?" his tone says he's done with this conversation.

"Please…." my voice is a tremor. "Please don't hurt Shinji…"

Kazuo ignores me. He marches forward. I shift to my feet and stand on shaking legs. I'm so mixed up. I hate it. I hate it so much. I still care about my friends….I do….I do….I…I….I chose Kazuo...over them….I...I let them all die….because I'm a pathetic, selfish coward. All the ways I thought I changed….I changed alright. Just not in the way I believed. I thought I'd become stronger, that I'd overcome my cowardice but in reality I just went from one low to another. I lacked conviction but still held my morals in my own way, now I have conviction but my morals have cracked, shattered into a thousand pieces. Slivers of what they once were, something I can never touch without cutting my own fingers off.

I might be a terrible person, I might be a selfish coward, I might even be a creature lacking in humanity….but I can still try to make this right. What's left of it, anyhow. I wipe my eyes on my sleeve and burst through the thicket of trees, tearing my way through the smoke. I've lost Kazuo, I have no idea where he is anymore. Though my eyes burn, I keep moving, choking violently. The air is so hard to breathe here. I need to get out of the woodland area. I swing around on my heel, nearly tripping as I do. Without another thought, I break into a full clumsy sprint. Rain breaks against my face as I run into the backyard that is so full of trash. "SHINJI!" I shout. My only answer is the wind. "Oh my god. Oh my god." my voice shakes and my knees knock together as I start to tool around the enclosed area. "Shinji….please…" my hand shakes as I walk toward a white flat bed truck. It's missing a tire on each side and it's rusted with years of neglect. "Please...Please….Please….Please…." Long fingers wrap around my ankle and I scream loudly into the night. That same hand jerks and I fall onto my back, kicking roughly at the ground as I writhe and try to squirm away.

"Kaoru!" Shinji hisses as he crawls out from under the truck, dragging me back toward him. Loud, strangled screams erupt from the depths of my throat without my permission. His arms pull me against his chest as he leans against the truck, shushing me. "It's okay...It's okay…"

"Ahhhaaa!" I squeal as I burry my face into his neck. "Ahhh…fuck! Fuck! Oh my fucking-"

"Kaoru, it's okay."

"No! No it isn't! You….you fucking…..you can't just-" I've lost my breath completely. My heart is pounding.

"I didn't mean to scare you."

Slowly, I gather my composure and look up at him. He's alright. "What happened?" my lips tremble.

"I told you he couldn't be trusted." he sneers.

"So he just started firing?"

"Well…"

"Well what, Shinji?"

"It's complicated." his breathing shifts.

"How...the fuck is it complicated?" I demand. I want an answer and I want it now.

"Listen…" his eyes say he's guilty of something.

"Oh...my…"

"Kaoru listen to me."

"The bruise on his temple...you hit him….didn't you?"

"I had to."

"Why? Tell me right now Shinji, who shot first?"

He bites his lower lip, "He would have betrayed us all in the end no matter what, I just tried to beat him to the punch. It was for the good of everyone, Kaoru. Look past all the shit he's filled your head with and you know it's true!"

I move to free myself from his arms. "Take your hands off of me."

"Kaoru, don't do this now."

"You were never going to give him a chance!" I shout.

"He was never really going to cooperate with the group, Kaoru! I did what I had to do!"

"And you messed up!" I shove him back aggressively with my arm. "Because of you and what you did, he killed Seto! He killed Iijima!"

"He wants to kill us all!" His hands grip my shoulders, one hard swing and I'm trapped between him and the truck. "Since the day we met, I've done nothing but try to take care of you! I don't care what happens now, Kaoru, I've made it this far and I am not going to let that psychopath drag you down anymore!"

"You don't even know him."

"Do you hear yourself? He's a murderer, an animal, he's-"

"He's mine!" my voice cracks. "Do you hear me? Kazuo is mine! All he is! The murderer, the animal, the psychopath! He's mine!"

"YOU CAN'T OWN A PERSON KAORU! THAT ISN'T WHAT LOVE IS! YOU'RE DELUSIONAL!" he slams my back hard against the truck. The truck shakes, a barrage of bullets fly through the window from the other side.

Shinji throws me to the ground "Get to cover!" his voice makes it a command. I swallow the knot in my throat and struggle to my feet. Slowly, I make my way around the back of the truck, kneeling near the bumper, peering around the corner. It's Kazuo, who else would it be? A wild smile streaches his cheeks as he stalks closer and closer to the truck. Shinji has already crawled back into his hiding place.

My face pinches up as the orange haired boy stops dead in his tracks, looking around. I bite my lower lip, debating weather or not I want to run to him. The sick truth is that I don't know what I want anymore. He gives me no time to decide, his hand grabs me up by my hair and he looks me over with curious eyes. Eyes that don't understand why I moved from where he left me.

His arm drops around my waist and he hauls me over his shoulder. My eyes shift toward the truck as I am carried away from it. Shinji is staring back at me. He's waiting for the right moment. He doesn't want to shoot at Kazuo while he's carrying me like this. Part of me thinks Kazuo knows that too. As he walks, I feel his hand slide down my shorts pocket. His fingers pull Chigusa's knife free. "Why?" I rasp as he tucks the blade into his duffel bag.

He doesn't carry me far, just drops me in front of what's left of the shed behind our destroyed hide out. "Kazuo." my voice is a rasp. "I know what happened now, I'm sorry but it doesn't have to be this way." He slams his foot into my stomach and I fall forward choking on my own saliva. In his right hand is the rope he'd used to drag me around for a good majority of our time together.

My chest heaves as I squeal in pain. His hand takes mine with force and he ties one end of the rope around my wrist. I can't breathe, all I can do is wheeze. The other end of the rope ends up tied around a column that once held part of an awning up. I struggle against it but can't seem to free myself. "What are you doing?"

Kazuo scowls, and his eyes say it all. _You will recall that I told you to stay out of my way. _

I fight against the rope as he walks away from me. "KAZUO!" I shriek. A bullet flies, Shinji has finally taken his shot. He misses.

I jerk at the rope binding me to the column. "Come on." I snap. "Come on! Come on!" It's not moving, the knot around my wrist is intricate. It doesn't budge. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I ghost at my restraint with my residual limb. I can't even get up off my knees. _I hate this! _My fingers curl back, trying to grab at the rope. I slid my knees forward and grunt.

Shinji hurtles the flatbed of the truck and Kiriyama fires a round in his direction. The bullets tear through the air as the sky darkens. The two of them go back and forth. Fighting vigorously to outsmart one another. Round after round is fired. I fall backward and scoot across the ground until my back meets the column. My arm wraps around it and I use it's support to stand. "Fuck you Kazuo." I pant softly as feeling returns to my throat.

While the two of them work on killing each other, I lift my wrist to my mouth and start to bite viciously at the knot. "C'mon!" I growl. "C'mon!"

My eyes shift back toward the yard. Shinji is kneeling behind a table that has been turned on it's side. Kazuo doesn't seem to understand the point of taking cover, he just keeps moving and shooting. Flames eat away the field surrounding the area. Something small and oddly shaped flies over the roof of the burning building. When it rolls across the ground, I raise an eyebrow. _What is that? Who threw it? _My eyes go wide. _It's a grenade. _It doesn't explode on impact. That means….whoever threw it didn't wait the four second time period for the fuse to burn up.

"Shit!" I scream as I slam my foot into it's side, punting it into the yard. The moment it smacks the ground, a blaze of orange and red claims one of the trucks, the massive vehicle explodes and sends Shinji flying across the yard like a rag doll. Limp and lifeless he rolls toward me until he's just an arm's length away. His head lulls to the side, dead eyes stare back at me as I scream in horror. The smell of his burning flesh fills the air heavier than any smoke. I drop to my knees beside him. My hand covers my face as another blood curdling scream rips through my throat. _What have I done? _My thoughts whisper. _What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? _

"NO!" my voice shatters and I fight so hard against the rope I think I feel the column move. "SHINJI NO!" Hot tears line my eyes as I scream at the top of my lungs. "PLEASE NO!" My body shakes violently as I lunge forward. The rope tightens around my wrist but I can't feel the pain as my tears obscure my vision. "SHINJI!" My world slows down, everything stops. It's like the earth has stopped spinning. Time rewinds and I feel so many emotions all at once. It's like everything is being ripped apart at the seams. It's coming undone. Our first kiss after the game, gone, his arms never to close around me like that again. The walks we went for, our tracks, covered forever, never to resurface. The secrets we shared, gone, in one ear and out the other. It's all gone, it's all my fault. He's gone forever, and he's taking part of me with him. It was me...my stupidity...I killed Shinji.

The tears won't stop. My chest hurts, everything aches, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. My shaking fingers pluck the bow from my hair. This one is mine, Noa's is still tied around my knee. Her's is the only one I need. Mine, will stay here, with Shinji. I wish I could tie it around his wrist, but I can't, not with one hand. The best I can do is stick is in his pants pocket, with Hiroki's tie. My fingers graze something, paper. I pull it out, all folded up into a tiny square. It's his list of our fallen classmates. The one he had pinned to the wall. I bite my lower lip as I choke back a sob. He must have grabbed it up in hopes of keeping it when we torched this island and all it is. I'm glad he did, it would have gone up in flames otherwise. "I'm so sorry." I whimper. "So so sorry, Shinji...I'm so sorry." I keep saying it, it's all I can think to say.

The longer I stare at him the more unbearable it becomes, I just want him to sit up and tell me he's okay, I just want to see a person in his eyes for a few more seconds. The last thing we did was fight. Oh my god...what am I supposed to do? The impact killed him...he's burned in a few places but not everywhere. I lean forward and press a kiss to his forehead. There are no words. I chose this. I chose this. I chose this. All my fault. What kind of monster am I? After all loving Kazuo has done, I still love him. I still want to pursue this insane idea of a relationship. I truly am a creature. Selfish and full to the brim of cowardice.

Familiar shouting breaks me from my daze. My eyes shift toward the side. I know who threw the grenade now. It was Kawada. He must have grabbed it from one of the jeeps parked around front. Behind the muscular teen, Noriko is clinging to Shuya who appears to be limping. Noriko's beautiful brown eyes fill with the reflection of the flames reaching for the sky. She can't believe all the destruction. I honestly believe this is hell.

I draw in a deep breath, trying to get it together. I need to explain what's going on to the three of them. They must be so confused. Speaking of confusing, Kazuo stopped shooting. A terrifying thought crosses my mind, did I kill him too? My head turns back and forth frantically. Through the smoke, I can't see him, there's no movement. Small, nervous breaths start to slip from my lips. I'm going to have a panic attack, this is too much. It's too much. It's too much. My dark, tear filled eyes shift toward Noriko. Kawada is leading their little trio, as I recall he's rather dangerous. His sharp eyes narrow as he stares out across the field. I'm not sure if they can see me or not. The smoke hasn't cleared, and I see their faces as the wind moves it along.

A look of distress spreads across Shuya's face and I jerk my hand until the rope forms a deep ligature in my wrist. "I-is he...still…." Noriko's voice is a sweet squeak, she almost reminds me of a mouse.

"Stand back." The older teen commands in a powerful voice. Smoke burns my eyes but with the help of the wind and rain, it's clearing up, at least a little. I squint, trying to get a better look at them, they must see Kazuo. That has to be the case. I bring my wrist back to my mouth and try to work the knot loose.

"Don't shoot!" my voice rasps. It hurts and comes out quiet. I choke softly and draw in a deep breath. _Come on, come on, you can do better than that! _

The smoke clears a great deal more, the yard is exposed and Kazuo stalks across the field, his head hangs, much like a tired five year old's. He doesn't seem to know where he's going. Through my tears, I watch him walk in circles, dragging a large gun at his side. What is he doing?

Kawada, Shuya and Noriko are every bit as confused as I am right now. We all remain silent, just watching the orange haired boy. My heart is racing. A twig snaps beneath Shuya's foot as he takes a step backward. Kazuo's head snaps up and like a machine, his arm flies out in front of him and his finger squeezes his gun's trigger. One heavy round of fire fills the air.

My heart drops into my stomach and I fight the urge to scream my head off. It's all too much. I can't take this. My nerves are fried. The dark haired exchange student shoots back. Shuya and Noriko separate, running in opposite directions.

Kiriyama spins around confused, aiming the gun every which way. While it isn't at all abnormal for him not to actually aim, this is different. It's like he's seeking them out based on sound. What is he doing?

Kawada shoots, Kazuo shifts out of the way sloppily, his head lulling again.

"Kaoru!" Noriko breaks into a full sprint, running toward me. A barrage of bullets fly her way.

"GET DOWN KID!" Kawada screams at Noriko as he fires toward Kazuo once more. The soft spoken girl drops to the ground, nervously making her way toward me.

My dear friend wraps her arms around my shoulders and starts pulling at the knot tied around my wrist. "Kaoru, your arm!"

"Untie me." I whisper frantically. "Something isn't right." my eyes stay locked on Kazuo.

"Don't worry...Kawada will take care of it."

"Noriko, listen to me." her fingers continue to work the knot as I speak. "No one else has to die tonight."

"What are you talking about?" her voice is sweet as can be.

As Noriko pulls at the rope, I bite my lip and look to Kazuo. The shooting has stopped. Shuya is making his way toward Noriko and I quietly. Kawada appears to be reloading. Fantastic.

I can't stand it anymore, I need to know what's going on, I need to see his face. "Kazuo!" I scream it with all I have. It's my voice and because of that, he doesn't shoot, just turns his head toward me. Milk white clouds his dark eyes as blood runs down his cheeks like tears. _Shit...he's….he's really blind. _He needs me right now, he can't fully defend himself like this. Noriko finishes untying the rope and I lunge forward.

"STAND BACK!" Kawada shouts.

Kiriyama's arm flies up and bullets fly in the direction of the other exchange student. My legs come to an immediate stop, all too quickly. The abrupt change of pace causes me to fall backward. My eyes go wide and my breath hitches.

Kawada manages to step out of the line of fire but not without a bullet in the shoulder. As he grunts, Kazuo shifts the gun in the direction of the new sound. "There isn't any need for any of this!" I struggle to my feet. "We're all free if we can just work together, no one else has to die! The watchtower is gone but they could still send a helicopter from wherever their base is so we need to get-" Gun fire drowns my voice out. Kawada screams into the night.

I flinch, but it's not enough to keep me down. No more. No more. No more. My fingers curl around a rock and I throw it for all it's worth. The solid piece of earth flies through the air, smacking into Kazuo's hand. The gun slides across the ground and I take those seconds to throw myself in front of him. "THAT IS ENOUGH!" I shout.

"I will kill you too." Kawada growls as he aims his gun, blood seeping through his white shirt.

My eyes narrow as my brow furrows "You're not listening to me."

"Why should I? I've been right about you from the start!" the older male snaps. "You're just like him! A fucking monster!"

"I'm not the one about to gun down a blind man!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, kid." He cocks his gun.

Kazuo drops to his knees behind me. I keep my eyes on the man aiming the gun my way. Noriko takes a step back, her foot rolls over a branch. Bullets fly her way and she falls to the side. I swing around and snatch the gun from the wild haired male, a sweep of my foot knocks his duffel bag out of reach. "FUCKS SAKE!" I hiss as I press the barrel into his temple roughly. I recognize it as the handgun he'd kept tucked in his waistband. "I've had enough! I said stop!" my eyes shift toward Noriko. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yes…" she answers quickly. "He missed."

A grunt sounds from behind me. A glance over my shoulder reveals Kawada on his knees. A dangerous amount of crimson soaks his shirt. "Kawada!" Noriko shifts to her feet and sprints to his side. Her tiny body kneels beside him and her hand turns his face toward hers.

I draw in a deep breath. "Everyone….is going to stay down until we talk about this." I don't think I've ever sounded so commanding in my life. "In case you didn't notice, Kazuo and I...aren't wearing collars-"

"Kaoru…" Noriko interrupts softly. "Kawada...has been here before...he...actually knows about the collars."

"Terrific." my lips press into a hard line. "There is a boat off the shore of the beach, we are all leaving together." I can almost feel the glare in my own eyes. "Any objections?" I ask slipping my finger over the trigger. "Anyone? Does anyone have any particularly smart ass comments to make?" I snap.

Shuya doesn't have much to say. He looks tired, he's every bit as done as I am. Noriko nods her head. "I like the idea of everyone leaving together. No more death." Her voice is so soft.

"Good. we're on the same page." I don't care what Kawada wants. "Would someone grab the rope from the column?" I ask not wanting to pull the the gun away from Kazuo's temple. He seems intent on making this hard. Noriko reluctantly leaves Kawada's side to fetch what I've asked for.

"Why shouldn't we just kill-" I cut Kawada off right there.

"Because I will let him up and I promise in your condition, you won't win this fight."

"Three against two." the asshole snickers trying to sound smart.

I roll my eyes. "Two against one. You've got a pair of pacifists for back up." Noriko stands beside me, holding the rope in her hands as she stares at me with worried eyes. I can see in those eyes that she doesn't know who she's looking at anymore.

I keep the gun steady. "Hands behind your back." my voice is soft for him. He sighs and does as he's told. In his current state, he knows he has little choice. "Tie him up for me. He's not going to hurt you." I promise my friend. The dark haired girl kneels slowly, hesitantly as she starts to rope his hands together her breath shakes. "You brought this on yourself, Kazuo...I didn't want to have to restrain you." I state softly.

The next forty-five minutes pass by slowly. First things is first, we need to tend to the wounded, but we need to do it as quickly as possible. The five of us start a seemingly endless commute toward one of the small neighborhoods that populate this deserted island, in hopes of finding a house to shack up in for a bit. It's a quiet, painful walk that holds just the smallest bit of serenity. I keep an arm linked with Kazuo's, to keep him safe and out of trouble. In front of me, Kawada leans hesitantly on Noriko for support and Shuya trails quietly at my side. We're a mess. The lot of us. I am not entirely sure what happened to Shuya, I recall Noriko saying that is was Kazuo during the time we were separated. Either way he's using a large stick to walk. Kawada is bleeding to death, I am missing an arm, Kazuo is blind….though Noriko was shot in the arm at the start, it was properly tended, it looks like she's going to be okay. At least one of us is. We're like the fucked up breakfast club. A princess, a lunatic, a cripple, an amputee and last but not least a gun toting dick. There's one for the books.

When we get to finally get to shelter, I help Kazuo to sit on a broke down couch. My eyes search his face and I bite my lower lip. He almost looks innocent. It's sad, his eyes lid and he turns his head up toward me. My fingers brush over his cheeks over so softly. I love him, I love him, I love him. "It's going to be okay." I promise. "Just stay still." It's my fault he's blind. I will never leave him alone. I will protect him, the way he protected me, so many times over throughout the course of this game. In the kitchen I can hear Kawada explaining a procedure to Noriko. She sounds mortified at the idea of even attempting it. I don't hear Shuya, except for his wheezing. I assume he's sitting on the kitchen floor. I don't know how to help Kazuo, so I kneel down and rest my head in his lap. I want him to know he's not alone.

For awhile, we listen to Kawada grunt in pain. All the while I hum softly for the man I care so deeply for. At first I don't know where this lullaby is coming from, but soon it comes back to me. The first time I heard this song, it fell from Mrs. Kiriyama's trembling lips, while her son was rushed into the back of an ambulance. It soothes Kazuo and his breathing evens out. I've decided that once set sail, we'll stop in a near by town for food and other supplies. When we do that, we will find someone who can help Kazuo. The blood could have been caused by any number of things from blood vessels being damaged to severe inflammation of his irises. I just don't know what to do with it. "You're so strong." I whisper. "You went blind...you didn't scream...you haven't fussed...even now…" he shifts his knee upward causing my head to shift with it. His silent way of telling me to stop.

Noriko walks into the living room, a small smile on her face "I did the best I could do but Kawada is still looking pretty rough."

I shift my gaze toward her nod my head slowly, "The three of you are still wearing collars." It seems a little unsympathetic to jump right into it but it's the next order of business. "They could still explode...I am not entirely sure if they work based on timers when the three day limit is up."

Her face pales a bit. "I um…" she quips as she draws her arms around herself.

"Noriko, I didn't mean to scare you-" my voice is as soft as I can make it.

"Then can it." a familiar gruff voice cuts me off as it's owner limps up behind my best friend. "You could let Noriko speak for herself every now and then." Kawada snaps. "You're not the only one with tricks up your sleeve, kid. I've got a few miracles of my own."

Noriko offers me a sweet, full lipped smile "When The system went down, Kawada had the chance to do some hacking of his own...by the time everything came back on our bombs were disabled. Isn't that great?"

"That is…..wonderful news." my voice catches slightly in my throat. Finally! Something positive! Everything is going to be okay. Awkward but okay.

I lock eyes with the exchange student and my lips form a tiny smile, "Thank you. We can finally get going."

"Whatever." He scoffs as his large hand turns Noriko so her back faces me.

The older male pulls Noriko back into the kitchen and I narrow my eyes. He may be the first person I ever ever really disliked. Though, he was always right about me. I have no right to dislike him, I just do, I was of course thankful for the way he cared for Noriko but in my core I can't stand anything about him.

The last thing we do before leaving the house is grab up a pair of pliers. While we've decided that the sooner we get off the island the better, we do want to remove the necklaces. We'll do that on the boat. The walk toward freedom is agonizingly slow and it doesn't feel real. I can't believe we're finally leaving. It's finally over. The rain is light and it feels good on my skin, mud sloshes beneath my sneakers and the beach finally comes into view. It all started right here, in this gravelly sand. Kazuo tied that rope around my neck right on this shore. He made me remember everything in the cave just to the right of here. Now it's going to end here. The boat is small and hidden by the cliffs. I suppose it was anchored here before the island evacuation and the people in charge never doubted their perfect system enough to move it. White paint coats it's makings and the deck is a soft color of tan. Probably oak. A sturdy rail lines the deck. It looks like a fishing boat, that does make sense.

"It's called a convertible fishing boat." Kawada explains gruffly helping Noriko up the latter. Which isn't necessary because he's the one who needs help.

Water soaks into my socks as cock an eyebrow at him "So?"

"So it's got a bedroom compartment and it's built for off coast fishing. It'll last you guys until you get home."

"What about you?" Noriko squeaks as she holds her hand up to help him up on deck.

"Don't worry about me." he retorts softly as he turns to help Shuya up next.

I look at Kazuo. It's been a long time coming. Never thought I'd feel that way after just two days. "Are you ready?" I ask sweetly.

He nods his heavy head and my hand pulls the knot binding his wrists loose. "I'm trusting you." I whisper. Water drips from my sneakers as I climb my own way up the latter. Kawada reaches down and moves his arms under my armpits, dragging me upward. My eyes lid as I shift back and drop a hand back for Kazuo. When my fingers brush his cheek, he takes my hand and lets me help him up.

It's Kawada who mounts the captain's chair.

"Do you know what you're doing?" I ask in a smart ass tone.

"My dad was a fisherman." Her smiles a charming smile. The water shifts, Kawada's hands slide over the wheel and with the twist of a key, the boat roars to life. "It really works!" Noriko cheers. I wrap an arm around her and press a kiss to her cheek. Kazuo has taken a seat on the deck, his back leaned against the guardrail as he stares straight ahead. Shuya is seated adjacent from him, his eyes turned toward the water.

"Noriko, are you ready to be rid of this?" I ask tugging gently at her collar.

Her kind eyes meet my own and she nods her head "Please." she smiles as dark hair bounces around her face.

Breaking her collar apart with the pliers proves to be more difficult with my left hand but I manage and when it finally comes off, we make a game of it and see how far we can throw it across the water. Noriko is beautiful, she could call out the sun with that smile of hers. The boat rocks a bit as Kawada walks up between the two of us, draping an arm around Noriko. "My turn." he breaks his own collar, handing the pliers back to me as he throws it way further out then Noriko managed to throw hers. "Show off." I mumble.

"Brat." he retorts as he looks out over the sea, rain drops making ripples in the eerily calm waves.

"So….what now?" Shuya asks, looking back at us over his shoulder.

"Now we play the waiting game." Kawada is the first to answer. "I set a course and as long as you stay on it, you will hit land."

"Thank you, Kawada." Noriko smiles softly, "Kaoru, can I have the pliers?" She holds her hand out and I hand them to her. Her footsteps are quiet as she crosses the short deck and kneels behind Shuya. Small high pitched grunts slip from her lips as she snaps his collar with the pliers. "Don't you want to throw it, Shuya?" she asks softly.

I nestle myself between Kiriyama's legs and lean my head against his chest. He allows this and wraps a protective arm around my neck. The island is shrinking in the distance now. It looks so small, it seemed so huge when were were trapped there.

"It's pretty." Noriko remarks as her eyes fill up the the shimmer of the water. The sun is finally breaking through the clouds. "Even though it's where everyone died."

I wish I could see what she does, but I don't. All I see are headstones. My hand delves into my pocket and I pull Shinji's list from it. I unfold it, my eyes move over the hand writing. I will be adding Shinji, Iijima and Seto later. I promise I will find a way to remember each and every member of class B.

The sound of Kawada grunting causes Noriko and I to turn our heads. "Are you okay?" she asks kindly as he lays down on the deck, his eyes turned up toward the sky.

"Yeah kid." he mutters as he places a cigarette between his lips. His obsidian eyes lid and Noriko leans over. "Thanks." he groans softly. His thumb rolls over the top of a lighter as he lights his wild 7.

"What for?" Shuya asks in quick response.

"Thanks to the two of you, I know what it means to have true friends." he offers Noriko a small smile, "And thanks to you, I finally solved the mystery of Keiko's smile."

"Kawada." Noriko whispers as warm tears slip down her cheeks. Her delicate fingers shake as the older boy's eyes close. His chest stops moving up and down and no more life slips from his lips. Something inside of me shatters. Weather or not I like him doesn't matter, there wasn't supposed to be anymore death. No one else was supposed to, any sense of composure I had is gone now. Violent tremors roll through my body and my lower lip trembles. I'm not crying, I'm all cried out.

I lean forward, my trembling fingers move over his face. "K-Kaoru what are you-" Noriko can't seem to force the words, her voice just shakes.

Wordlessly, I pull the cigarette from his lips and place it between my own.

* * *

_**AUTHORS NOTE: **I wanted to let you all know that this story is only almost over, it's not quite there yet. Thank you all for reading and being so supportive. _


	19. Home

_**The Aftermath **_

_**11:45PM**_

_**Home**_

It's been a long trip. The four of us ache all over and haven't slept much in the last week. We finally made it back home. The bus we're riding shakes as it rolls over a crack in the road. Kazuo's head smacks the window it's pressed against and I flinch slightly. After everything, the slightest change of pace makes me uneasy. My dark eyes shift toward the seat across the aisle from Kazuo and I. Shuya seems to be relaxed, Noriko is playing with her fingers, content as she usually is.

Aside from us, there are about five other people on the bus. We all look strange, dirty and untrustworthy. Clad in tattered, bloody clothing. Kazuo with bandages over his eyes and the three of us always looking over our shoulders. I rest my head against Kazuo's shoulder. In his lap is his duffel bag, still full of guns. The gun laws here really are a fucking joke. The engine hisses and we come to a slow halt. Outside the window is a small neighborhood. I bite my lower lip and Noriko stands and leans beside me. "Are you coming?" she asks softly. I think she really believed that we would always stay together after this, the four of us.

"No." my voice is a rasp. "This is where we part ways." I feel her arms wrap around my shoulders and she pulls me close.

"I love you, Kaoru." Her delicate hand drops down my arm and pulls the sleeve of Kiriyama's black jacket up to my elbow. "It's healing up really well." I could hear her trying to smile. My eyes shift toward my exposed arm. Back on the boat, we'd found a container of india ink, and I'd found a way to remember everyone. They're names are laid into my skin in the form of ink forever. Noriko helped, of course. There was no way I could have done it on my own. Two rows of kana dance over my blue veins, from the base of my wrist to the crook of my arm. I didn't go in order though, Shinji came first. I couldn't help being selfish. He'd done so much for me.

Hot tears break against my tattooed skin and my eyes finally meet hers. "You're sure you won't come?" This conversation feels like it's taking forever but it's only been seconds.

"Be safe." I feel my heart skip a beat. She kisses my cheek and just like that, she and Shuya are gone. I make sure to watch them as they walk into the neighborhood Noriko grew up in, I don't know where they will go next. They hold hands as they walk. She'll be safe, I really believe that.

My body curls into Kazuo's, it's where I feel the safest. With my head right against his chest I listen to his heart beat. We both lost a part of ourselves on that island. My arm, his sight. I just wish I hadn't been the one to take it away from him.

After about ten minutes pass, we're finally at the mouth of my neighborhood. His hand clings to mine as he slings the strap of his bag across his chest. People are staring at us, I can feel their eyes. Like they have any right. At one point or another, these people will give their children up to be murdered for sport. I no longer hold any respect for the adults here. They can stare all they like, watch us walk away. We're never coming back.

Night air washes over my face as we pass the park I played at as a child. I can't bare to look at it, for fear ghosts of time will linger there. For all my happy memories on that playground, something awful is waiting right around the corner of each one of those moments. Noa died there, on the black top….I broke up with Shinji, against the fence that lines it. Too many memories. Kazuo is quiet, shocker. Still, his hand clings to mine. "How is your head?" I ask quietly. He'd been having migraines for the last few days.

"Fine." his voice is like gravel.

"Is it really fine or are you downplaying the pain again?" he can say it never happened all he wants but I caught him crying over it two days ago. He's not invincible.

"It's better today." he retorts tersely.

"Everything is better today." I offer him a small smile, a smile he can't see but I know full well he can hear.

"They will hunt us." He mutters.

"I know. We can't stay here."

"After we stop by your house, let's go to mine."

"What for? I should be able to grab a change of clothes for you-"

"My mother will help us, Kaoru." his tone says he's done explaining for now. While he's become much more responsive, he still doesn't like to talk very much at one time. During the week long boat ride, he barely spoke it all. He just kept telling me it made the headaches worse.

I accept his answer and walk up the long drive that leads to my front porch. The lights are all out, which means my mother and father are in bed. "Do you need to call home?" I ask, glancing back at the orange haired boy. He gives a terse nod. "I'll guide you to the phone once we get inside just….keep your voice down." It's not a necessary reminder, he's always quiet. He raises an eyebrow, calling me out on exactly that.

"Don't sass me." I mutter rolling my own eyes as I grab the spare key from the large ceramic vase placed on our porch railing as decoration. Without another thought, I jam the key into the lock and push the door open, making sure to be quiet. Not much has changed as far as our living area goes.

Everything seems to be in place. I bite my lip and guide Kazuo across the floor, around the coffee table and into the kitchen. I pull the phone from it's hook on the wall and place it in his hand. He takes a moment to find the buttons but muscle memory tells him what to do the moment he finds the dial pad. "I will be back." I whisper, heading into the hall. Keeping my footsteps quiet, I slowly make my way up the steps. My mother keeps a small box in the top drawer of her dresser. She always said it was for emergencies. There's about a thousand dollars in it. It's the best I can do, unless I can find her wallet and swipe her card.

Her bedroom door is already open, which is good because I won't have to make any noise opening it. I peer around the doorframe. "Kaoru, is that you?"

My mouth drops open and my heart leaps into my throat. "Mother." I lean against the frame and stare into her eyes. She's awake, a small lamp on her nightstand is the only light. A book rests in her lap.

"You're alive." she tips her head to the side as confusion twists her features.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you…." I squeak. "Where is daddy?'

"Did they really not tell you?" she grits her teeth.

"What are you talking about?" my heartbeat fills my ears.

"Your father...didn't want you to partake in battle-royale. He swore he'd come and get you himself."

"What happened to him?" I demand, feeling my tone take an aggressive turn.

"He wasted his life, like a damn fool." My mother stammers miserably. "If you try to fight the system they kill you, he really thought you were worth it…" she spits.

"He's dead?" hot tears bubble up to my eyes but don't quite fall. My fingers are feeling up the frame of the door, looking for something to get a grip on.

"Yeah." My mother scoffs as her eyes fall down the curve of my body. "He's dead. For what?" venom fills her tired tone. "For his ungrateful daughter to come back and ruin everything?" her eyebrows turn up "And not even all in one piece."

My stomach drops as I cry "What did I ever do to you?"

"You were born." She snaps viciously. "It was supposed to be a boy! One perfectly healthy little boy!"

"And you got me and Noa instead." my voice shakes.

"At least Noa was intelligent." a soft rustle fills the air as she shifts a bit in her place. "She was good for something, but you….you weren't good for anything….save for your father's project...but he loved you so damn much he refused to include you."

"What are you talking about?" I hiss through my clenched teeth.

A small, weary smile laced with a sickness graces my mother's lips "I see you judging me, you always have. You think I'm cruel, that I never cared."

"You did once!" I whimper. "You used to make cookies...you used to be there during lessons, mother-"

"What can I say, Kaoru? You used to be easier to love." Mother mutters and turns her eyes back to my face. "You were born into a bad family but you always had everything you needed. Food, school, clothes and a roof over your head. Some people have it worse."

"And what about love?"

"Love is a joke." she giggles sleepily. "Your father said he loved me once, didn't stop him from marrying his work or loving you more. Noa loved you and you let her get shot in the head."

My nails dig into my palm as I lean against the door rack my entire body and I bite my lower lip.

"Love...it's almost laughable. Are you not here to rob me?"

"No." my voice is hollow as I shake my head and walk a bit further into the room, "I'm here…." my voice starts to trail off, as I speak, my hand feels across her dresser for something sharp, anything I can use. My fingers curl around the handle of a letter opener and my eyes shift.

"Don't go getting your filth all over my-"

"Is this...what you think is important?" I squeak as I hold up the dull blade.

"Put that down...it's handle is encrusted gold-"

"And you use it….to open up….paper envelopes...that can just be torn apart…"

"What are you rambling about." the floor creaks beneath her feet as she finally stands.

"You're the one...who needs to be stranded on an island and forced to prove your life's worth living." I hiss.

"That is enough, get out. See how well you do on the streets!" She barks, long black hair cascading over her shoulders as she stomps her way toward me.

"In case you haven't noticed…" my fingers shake as I lunge forward and thrust the small blade into her shoulder, blood seeps through her white nightgown and I scream in her face "I do just fine on my own."

Shock washes over her once delicate features as she cries out and shoves me back with her hands. A swift move and I drive the letter opener through her palm, ripping it right back out. "Can you? Mother?"

"Kaoru! Stop this!" she stumbles back onto her bed as the pain cripples her limbs. I straddle her hips and knock her onto her back, holding the blade to her bird like throat.

"But I thought you were perfect." I snap. "Fight me off!"

"You are an evil child!" She screams.

"I learned from the best." my tone is a poison. "You sit here….worrying about letter openers and...and satin sheets….velvet curtains and….and…." a disgusting sound fills the air as I sheath the letter opener back inside her shoulder wound. My hand dives back into the pocket of my shorts as my mother screams bloody murder. "This little girl!" I hold the picture I took from Reira's house in her face, so she can see it through her tears. "This little girl and her family were buried in their own backyard! AS PART OF THE EVACUATION PROCESS FOR THAT SICK LITTLE GAME!" When mother turns her head to the side, I slam my elbow into the handle sticking out of her flesh and scream "LOOK AT HER!" tears of anger roll down my cheeks. "It's all about a failing economy right? You adults can't take responsibility so you blame us! You kill us so there's less mouths to feed! SO YOU CAN HAVE SHIT LIKE THIS! This kid….whose home you people destroyed….Do you think she'd give a fuck about your fucking letter opener?"

"Stop...jus...just stop." the woman beneath me sobs as the bed creaks. "Take whatever you want...just stop."

"I want you dead." I lean over, dropping the picture on the night stand and I grab my mother's Dale tiffany red peony lamp. "I want to shut your mouth so you can never hurt anyone ever again."

"You've lost your mind! Kaoru, you'll get caught!" She's trying to reason with me now, that's cute.

"You've always been afraid to get your hands dirty, Mother. That's why father did all the work, and for every murder I've committed in the last forty-eight hours...yours is the only one...I promise to never feel any remorse for."

A rough turn of her body and she knocks me over, I still suffer from a huge lack of balance. She pins me to the bed and rips the blade from her shoulder. "You sociopathic little brat!"

I purse my lips and spit in her face. Her slender fingers are shaking around the handle of her letter opener. Hesitance fills her eyes. "Are you not a killer mother?" I ask in one breath.

The sound of Kazuo cocking a gun fills the air and I shift my eyes in the direction of the doorway his form now fills. "No." I snap as I slam the lamp into the side of my mother's head. Crimson rolls down the side of her face and she screams at the top of her lungs. My leg hooks around her hips and I roll her onto her back, bringing the overtly expensive lamp down on her marred face, again and again and again. Harder and harder each time. "It's my fight. It's my problem. It's my door to close." I continue to beat her face in until she stops moving and my arm hurts.

Warm crimson splatters over my face, staining my clothing even more. For awhile, I just watch her. Her face has caved into her skull and the smell of blood is strong on the air. Lasagna with teeth, barely. I smashed most of them out. I draw in a deep breath and step off the bed one leg at a time. "Forgive me, Kazuo. I require a shower...got a little...dirty" I mutter softly, politely.

"Do you think anyone called the police?" he rasps.

I shake my head "That's hardly the loudest this house has ever been in the middle of the night. Though, I know people will be looking for us, I'll make this quick." The reality of the situation is that I don't need to move too quick, there's no way anyone knows we're back just yet. If the people in charge really are looking for us, they're checking every island we passed on our way home, and that will take some time. Enough time for us to clear out.

I guide Kazuo into my mother's master bathroom by the hand. "How did you even make it up here?"

"I followed your voice." he mutters. "Should I clean off too?"

"Yeah, I just don't want to get your bandages wet." My fingers fumble with the buttons holding his shirt together as he pushes his jacket off of my shoulders.

The sound of the running shower water fills the entire house. I help Kazuo up the small step and into the glass rectangular prism. Hot liquid rushes over our dirt covered bodies, running black and red down the drain. "My dad's dead." I quip pressing my face into my lover's naked chest. "I can't believe he's….gone...I didn't get to say goodbye." my voice shakes and Kazuo wraps an around around my shoulders. He doesn't know how else to comfort me.

Violent tremors roll through my shaking legs as I cry "You're all I have left...this...this...this thing we have, Kazuo...it's all I have left." exasperation fills my broken tone. "I don't even know what to call us." I press my forehead against his collarbone, watching clear water trickle down his skin.

"Call it whatever you want." he mutters in his voice that is velvety gravel. "Just don't ever expect it to be….conventional. I will hurt you, Kaoru. I can't help that fact. I might one day kill you, don't ever doubt that I will try." as he speaks a knot forms in my throat. None of this is a surprise. "I can't…..love you….the way that hacker-kid did. I don't know how, not anymore."

"Kazuo, there is nothing more you need to say-" he cuts me off.

"That being said I will never leave you, I will...stay by your side...I'll keep you healthy and you will do the same for me."

"Kazuo, I-"

"I intend to keep you, Kaoru." his arms tighten around me.

"Why? After everything-" he's holding me so tight I can hardly breathe.

"You lost a limb, survived a rebellion, watched everyone you ever knew die and you killed your mother...and yet when you speak, when I hear your voice...it takes me back to the night your family's car crashed into mine."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought I was going to die." he deadpans. "And to be honest I didn't care much. I thought, why not die? This world is bland, everyone is the same. Suddenly, in the dark….I hear this crazy girl, no older then me...demanding my name, the name of a stranger, demanding the right to remember someone she never even knew...suddenly...this world isn't so bland…"

"Kazuo."

"Being blind, with you standing in front of me, brings me back to that moment." he places a large hand on top of my head and drags it down the middle of my face, the way he did that night, on the gurney. "It was the last time...I ever really felt anything, Kaoru...and this...is so close to that moment….that feeling...it's almost like…"

I say it, so he doesn't have to "Hope." I whisper. My lips claim his and my naked breasts smash against his chest. "I know this will never be conventional, it'll never be hearts and flowers, Kazuo." I speak in between kisses. "It's gonna be messy, and rough, stained with black ink, like that iris I brought to your hospital room. You kept it...all this time."

"Just like I'll keep you." he grumbles against my lips.

"I'll keep you too." I giggle sweetly, as my hand reaches back, turning off the water. My feet move slowly across the floor as I grab a towel and wrap it around my slender form. Steam settles on the air and I lead Kazuo by the hand into my father's study just across the hall. It's a small room with a small closet for gym clothes and golf supplies. The only furniture occupying its space consists of a love seat, clad in blue leather and a computer desk made of cherry wood. I was never allowed in here before.

Without much thought, I help Kazuo into a black track suit. He's a bit taller then my father was and so the jacket is a little snug, he doesn't seem to mind. Moonlight pours in through a single window, bathing my father's desk in it's luminous glow.

Sticking out of a tiny keyhole adorning the top drawer, is a little silver key. I raise an eyebrow, I'd never seen that drawer opened. Perhaps he kept something important to him there, something I could take with me as a keepsake. He died for me after all, he was my father and I do love him. Kazuo stays still when I drop to my knees and pull the drawer open. So far it's full of paperwork, envelopes, and a leather bound binder. With my curiosity peaked, I pull the binder from the drawer and open it up so the moonlight washes over it's pages.

_Oh….my…._knots form in my stomach as I turn each carefully dated page. "These are….children…" children younger than Kazuo, or myself. Though they are being made to act like adults in these images. Hundreds of images. I keep turning pages, I can't stop, my tear drops break against the lamination as my shaking fingers turn a few more pages. Fear burns in my throat as I stare down at a familiar face. _Mitsuko. _

My stomach twists around just once more and bile rushes up my throat, spilling over the floor as I swing my head to the side, squeezing my eyes shut. I don't want to believe this. Not my father, not...not him. What else do I have? My family is just….just gone. Noa was depressed, she never told me. My father pimped out young girls and my mother just never wanted me. All that evil and illness has to exist inside of me. Am I even human?

At least it makes sense now….beautiful Mitsuko Souma ended up a pimp, using her classmates for money. This world, my father….showed her the very same courtesy. Small wheezes slip from my trembling lips as I stand slowly. My entire body shakes as I lay the binder open, on his desk. Once we're far enough away, I will place a call to an anonymous tip hotline, I don't know if these girls would benefit from the truth or not, but they deserve a chance to do as they please.

I wipe my face on the back of my hand and grab Kazuo with the other, guiding him into the room I shared with Noa a long while ago. All that's left now is to pack. We don't have a lot of space in Kiriyama's duffel bag, so we clear out the guns, leaving them on the floor. We're going to board a plane and guns will become an issue, it's just better not to try our luck. Kazuo and I don't need much, just a change of clothes and some non-perishable snacks.

After we leave my house, we stop by a convenience store and I purchase two boxes of hair dye. One black and One bleach blonde. It's better that we don't look like ourselves. I do him first, dying his orange hair dark. He doesn't seem to care but he doesn't like the smell of of the dye. Once he's done, I bleach my hair and we're on our way to his house.

In the darkness ahead, I can see Mrs. Kiriyama sitting on their front porch. "Kazuo." she chimes, breaking into a full sprint. I don't know what to expect when she hugs him. He doesn't really react by much, he does wrap an arm around her though. "I was so worried." she cries softly. Though some time had passed, she was still fragile and beautiful. "I can't believe the two of you made it, Kaoru...thank you for taking care of my son."

"He took care of me." I try to keep from sounding hollow. I'm still processing a great deal of information regarding my own family.

Mrs. Kiriyama's delicate hands cup her son's face. "Kazuo...you're-"

"He's blind…"

"Has he seen a doctor?" her voice cracks.

I nod my head slowly "On the way home we stopped on a small but populated island for supplies, a doctor saw to each of us there, to the best of his ability anyway."

"Is it reversible?"

"The doctor said it was highly unlikely that…" as I speak tears form in her dark eyes.

"He's alive...I'm glad for that."

"Mrs. Kiriyama...we can't stay in Japan anymore…"

"I know...I know...they want to charge you and Noriko and Shuya with war crimes…"

All that means is they already know who they're looking for.

She passes fat yellow envelope to me "That should be enough to keep you looked after for to find a home. to bribe anyone who might want to hurt you, to go wherever you want to go." her sad eyes stay locked on her baby boy.

"You're really just going to help us?" I whisper staring down at the money filled yellow pouch in my hand.

"Of course I am, he's my baby. I don't care what any doctor says...I love Kazuo, I always will…"

_Some love…..really is unconditional. _

But….all love….should be.

Mrs. Kiriyama is so strong. She never let her son's brain damage keep her from doing what every mother is supposed to do. She loves him, she loves him even when he can't return it in a natural way and the way she holds her son is the most natural, beautiful thing I have ever seen. Right now, I can almost imagine Kazuo as a baby, small and helpless, but happy, kicking his chubby little legs.

The older woman presses a kiss to my forehead "Kaoru, are you alright?"

"Yes." I whisper with a small, defeated smile.

"Promise me you will stay by his side? He can't do this on his own, even if he thinks he can."

"I'm not going anywhere." I promise.

"He's not the easiest-"

"I know."

"He can be violent, Kaoru-"

"Mrs. Kiriyama." I place my hand on the side of her face and smile softly, "I love him."

Warm tears roll down her perfect cheeks as she pulls me into a hug. "Well….I guess all that's left to do is drive."

She says she'll take us as far as she can, out of the city at the very least. We can't just hop a plane and fly, we're wanted criminals. From the backseat, with my head leaned against Kazuo's shoulder, I think about what comes next. Will we actually make it? Will we die? Is there such a thing as a safe place? Probably not, not for us. Doesn't matter. I'm not afraid anymore, not of the future. We don't have a plan and that is….just fine. I have Kazuo, and I kept my promise to my fallen classmates. For right now, that's all I need. We'll make it up as we go along.

_Noa, I let go but that doesn't mean I don't love you. I hope I never have to use a gun again, but if the time comes and I have no choice, I won't hesitate to pull the trigger. Self defense is not murder. I am not Carmine. _In that moment, something inside me comes undone and something I can only describe as calm, washes over me. _Yeah, _I'm not scared anymore.

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_**Authors Note: **Thank you all so much for your continued support in this fic, I started it so long ago and now all I have left to post is an epilogue, I'm excited to see if you enjoyed it. The Epilogue will be posted sooner than later :)_


	20. Epilogue

_Switzerland _

_Three years later_

_**Epilogue**_

The day we blew up the watchtower, I really do think we sent a message. There was no Battle Royale the year after, and if there was, they kept their hands clean and didn't report on any of it anywhere. Not on the radio, not in any kind of private forum and not on the dark-net. In that first year, I kept an eye on any move made regarding the BR Act by means of a library computer and a few tricks I picked up from Shinji when we dated. For several reasons, surveillance is all I ever did, and I just wanted to make sure they stopped.

It wasn't until the second year, that the program resurfaced, this time with improvements and modifications. A follow up, to The Wild Seven's terrorist activity. It wasn't hard to figure out that the one leading the group was Shuya, or that he'd completely lost his mind. He was all the government needed. Shuya Nanahara, a seventeen year old, at the time was a terrorist, leading a band of other seventeen year old killers and suddenly, kids were the bad guys and Battle Royale was justice. The idea spread from continent to continent like wildfire and Battle Royale was the norm, everywhere except here, in Switzerland, Germany and a very small portion of North America.

Of course everyone has their own idea about how to conduct their version of the act. I believe South America refers to it as The Cure. Russia calls it Испытание ценности. The parts of North America that have not outlawed it refer to it as The Arena Act. Each new name with a new set of rules and stipulations to make it seem more justifiable. People in America think that only using high school students makes it more humane. Due to everyone having different ideas about what is okay and what is not, a great many countries have gone to war in the last two years. Never have I ever regretted making Switzerland our home.

After that, I just stepped back and reverted into the life Kazuo and I were in the process of building together. We can't all be heroes and I'm done trying to right the Japanese government's wrongs. Even if the world around us goes to hell, I refuse to let Battle Royale do me or Kazuo anymore harm.

I used to think we made a difference three years ago, and when I realized it wasn't over, I thought the world might come to it's senses.

At this point, it's out of sight out of mind. With all the trouble the BR Act has caused, I don't know that this world will ever heal. How long would it take? People always say time heals everything, it's complete shit. Some wounds never heal but some do. Time is in fact capable of breeding small miracles. Kazuo regained sight in his right eye when every doctor we ever saw said it would never happen. I even got used to my prosthetic arm.

In Spite of everything, we turned out okay. With the money Mrs. Kiriyama gave us, we managed to get away from Japan and we found a small bungalow here. We never needed anything big. A big house never made either of us happy. It's made of brick and the shutters are blue. I never knew a house could feel so much like home.

Living with Kazuo is always interesting, I'm never bored. He actually manages to occupy himself in nonviolent ways and in the first few weeks that actually surprised me. Killing isn't all that brings him satisfaction, it's a challenge. He finds something that interests him and goes all out, on the island he seemed a cold blooded killer because he'd taken an interest in killing. There are weeks where he does nothing but draw, sometimes he sculpts and when his little office in the attic gets too full, I sell his projects at the little thrift store I work at, and he finds something new to do.

That being said, it's not like he's never violent. Our relationship isn't perfect and we do fight. Things are thrown on my end, I hit him, he might slam me up against a wall or twist my arm behind my back. We are imperfect people with deep emotional scars and that does show, but we keep each other. This works for us. Over time, we've established our boundaries, what we will and will not accept from one another. Simple lines that are never to be crossed. Wounds that are never to be reopened.

Some things never change, I still wear Noa's bow, as a choker around my neck. Kazuo still picks and chooses when he wants to speak in words. Though, I do understand him better now. He doesn't need to speak for us to communicate without issue.

When I'm not working or relaxing, I spend my time online, working at an associates in human services. My goal is to one day to work with child services. I'd like to try and save other kids from growing up like me. I refuse to do nothing productive with my life, too many people died for me to just waste it.

Kazuo found his own purpose...

My dark eyes open slowly as the bed shifts, bouncing me out of a deep sleep. The room is dark and all I can do is yawn softly, as I blink my vision into focus. A small glimmer catches my eye and I lift my left hand off of the pillow, where it rests near my cheek. Around my finger is a ring that wasn't there when I laid down to fall asleep. This must be Kazuo's Christmas gift to me. Which is a little odd seeing as he has completely ignored the holiday's existence for the last two years. The bed creaks and I lean up, flicking on my bed side lamp. Dim light spills into the room and I stare down at my gift. It's pretty, and unique in the sense that I know full well he made it by hand, it's not any kind of metal I recognize by the feel or look. The band is adorned with tiny, raised vines. They twist all the way up into a tiny metal iris, complete with a black diamond nestled into it's style crest.

A warm smile graces my lips as tears slip down my cheeks and I throw my legs over the side of the bed. The carpet is soft against my bare feet as I head across the hall where I know Kazuo must be. A twist of the knob and I push the wooden door open. It makes a small sound and I peer inside.

This bedroom is small, it's floor is also covered in a blue plush carpet and the walls are painted with baby elephants. Kazuo actually did that himself. White and grey striped curtains cascaded from the top of the one window and beneath it's cill is a trunk of toys guarded by a large grey and blue bear.

I bite my lip as my eyes make their way to the rocking chair stationed by the crib. Kazuo is seated comfortably, rocking our sleeping child in his arms. His name is Keiji and he's about a year old. The way his head hangs, it's possible that Kazuo is every bit as tired as the baby in his arms. He doesn't even look like the same guy I met on the island. Time has changed that too. He stopped dying his hair orange after the first time I dyed it back to black. Now it's all his natural color, and it's gotten longer, just past his shoulders. He tends to wear it in a ponytail, sometimes a bun. His left eye is still completely milk white but color has returned to the right. Some sight is better than none but the sight he has isn't perfect and he does need glasses to see anything. They're lenses are square and their rims are thick and black. I absolutely love them on him and he doesn't care one way or the other.

My footsteps are silent as I cross the carpet and kneel down in front of him. A glint fills his eye as I gently push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Thank you." I whisper softly, looking him over with tears glistening at the corners of my own eyes.

He nods curtly and casts his gaze back to Keiji's chubby little face. "Did he wake you up?" It's a dumb question, Kazuo rarely ever sleeps. I just want to know how he's been doing and he's more likely to answer this question than that one. '_How are you doing?'_ is the fastest way to bore him.

Kazuo shakes his head slowly. That isn't surprising. The truth in the matter is that Kazuo tends to wake Keiji up. It's almost never vice versa. It was unexpected but, Kazuo has always liked to hold him, his little heart beat seems to calm the mad man down. He likes to watch him learn new things, he told me once that Keiji is his favorite thing to watch because he isn't a person yet, he's developing a personality and thoughts. His mind is going from blank to one of the most complex things in the world. Everyday his reactions change and he experiences different parts of the world for the first time. He's brand new, untouched by life. Simple statements that mean so much to Kazuo. He's never been around a baby, all he needs to be hooked is a challenge and there is no challenge greater than parenthood.

Keiji's chestnut colored eyes blink open and he curls his chubby little toes up to his mouth and smiles around them. Kazuo smirks a bit in response and pokes at one of his son's cheeks, playing with his rooting reflex. Keiji doesn't respond to it as strongly as he used to but he still turns his head looking for his father's finger and coes softly, as his hands cling to Kazuo's shirt.

I place my hand on top my child's head, moving my fingers through his curly black hair. I promise myself all the time that I will always love him and nothing will ever make me stop. I will never be the person my mother was. There will be no chain of abuse if I have anything to say about it.

Tiny toes curl and Keiji cries, a low and irritated cry. Kazuo shifts him onto his hip as he stands and I follow him into the living room. "Merry Christmas." I murmur softly as I rub my eyes. It takes Kazuo seconds to set Keiji down beside the glowing tree that stands tall and bright in the corner of the room, between the small fire place and the television. The child stands on chubby legs and hobbles toward the wrapped gifts.

I sit down beside the man I've spent the last three years loving and lean my head against his shoulder. "You know it's only five am, right?" I squeak softly, glancing up at him as Keiji tears at the wrapping on a box about the size of him.

Kazuo nods his head and I know he doesn't care. I think he actually got excited for Christmas this year because of Keiji. Long fingers close around my left hand and Kazuo pulls at the ring until it comes off. "Hey." I giggle softly. "What are you-"

He twists it around and holds it up so I can see the inside of the band. Engraved into the metal in sharp strokes are two childish, simple words. _Finders' keepers'. _

In one swift motion, he slides it back on my ring finger and kisses my knuckles. I can still hear Keiji playing with the wrapping paper from one of his gifts. Kazuo leans onto all fours and crawls over to the baby and the box.

When I watch my boys interact so normally, I forget how messed up my lover and I really are. At a glance, no one would ever know that we've killed people or that I still see Mitsuko Souma every-time I look into a mirror. I hope Keiji never has to know what we went through, and I'm not just talking about Battle Royale. Battle Royale wasn't something Kazuo endured, it was more something he enjoyed. Still, I hope Keiji never feels unloved, I hope he never has to struggle to find reasons to smile the way his father does. I still wish there was something more I could give Kazuo. Something more than a memory to cling to, I guess in some ways, I gave him Keiji.

There's a light in my son's eyes as he plays with sing and say he's just opened up. I hope that light never goes out, that it's never overtaken with bad memories. Kazuo makes a face and the one year old mimics it. They adore each other. Nothing can ever ruin this moment.

Slowly, I shift to my feet and walk into the kitchen which is just a small walk across the dining area. So what if we got an early start, it just means we can do more with the day. Either way, as much as I want to watch Keiji open up all of his gifts, he and Kazuo will need breakfast sooner than later. I flip a switch and the lights come on. Our kitchen is cute, I like it's country aesthetic quite a bit. The floors are cedar and the counter-tops are granite. I stretch out my arms and open up the pantry to see what we have. After a short while I decide on toasted mochi and pancakes. Once everything I need to make our meal is laid out for prepping, I turn my attention toward the 2002 style radio I keep beside the microwave. A turn of the dial and soft noise fills the room.

_{It looks like groups similar to Japan's Wild Seven are springing up all over the world in protest to the BR Act and all of it's variants. Apparently most of these protests started off as little more than peaceful but have escalated seemingly overnight to bombings and shootings.} _

My hands begin to shake as I listen. The BR Act hasn't been mentioned on any form of media in Switzerland since last year. If they're talking about it now, things have gotten worse. It...could end up here.

_{Children are waging war against adults, where does that leave this world? Is it proof that the BR Act does in fact need to exist?}_

"No...No….No...:" my voice is a whimper. "No…"

Strong hands grip my shoulders and Kazuo turns me toward him, forcing me to stare up into his eyes. Keiji is wrapped around his leg like a love sick puppy and as I feel my heart race I squeak "Kazuo...what are we-"

"No one is going to hurt you or Keiji." the half blind man mutters almost carelessly. "Just turn it off. It doesn't mean anything."

"Kazuo...you can't just blow that off…" I bark as tears line my eyes.

A sigh falls from his lips as he reaches around me, the shift in his pose causes Keiji to laugh happily and it causes my breath to hitch. I think I'm about to fall apart. It can't come here. It can't. Kazuo all but rips the radio's plug out of the wall, "Make breakfast." He mutters, leaning down as he licks a tear from my cheek, "Stop crying."

I draw in a deep breath and place my hands on either side of his face as I stare into his eyes, while he stares back at me. "What would we do?"

"Survive."

That is...what we do. We survived on the island and we survived the trip home. After that, we lived like runaways and made it all the way to Switzerland. We fought, there were times I when I left. He never did, but I am not as strong as him. I left, marched right out the door but I never got around the block. There were times when I thought I'd kill him, times when I couldn't handle how apathetic he was. I hate myself for those times but we survived. We stayed together. When I got pregnant, I thought I would die, I thought Kazuo would kill me so I tried to hide it from him. He later told me that he could smell it on me. We fought because I tried to lie to him and he considered it a breach of trust. He brings out the worst in me sometimes and I said awful things, I threatened awful things, We survived that too. From parents, to the government, to lovers quarrels and the weight of the universe, we survived what they did to us and what we did to each other. Together, we survive.

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_**Author's Note: **Thank you so much to everyone who kept on reading this fic. Miss Anna, your reviews were always something I looked forward to, you gathered up everything I wanted readers to take from this story and put it into words. Thank you so much. I hope everyone enjoyed this little story. My goal was to write a dark love story for Kiriyama and manage to make it seem even half way believable, I think I've done what I set out to do. _


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